1 Do I like him?

I don't know when it started, once I came back to school after being sick for a week and hospitalized. I started to develop feelings for him, my guy friend. He's goofy, caring, and a class clown. He's popular with everyone guys and girls. We have this weird handshake, where I would go to fist bump him, but then he randomly started grabbing my fist and shaking it. It was funny every time we do it when we see each other. He gave me food and started hanging around me a lot in the past, but I know that he probably did it because he wanted to get closer to my friend.

He confessed to her during our freshman year, but she thought he was joking because he always does stuff like that. But she didn't like him in that way, she only saw him as a friend. He confessed to her this sophomore year with my help. He caught feelings for her again, and asked me if she was single. He asked for advice and I told him to be serious, because he always tends to joke around a lot so she wouldn't take him serious to his confession. I gave my friend a heads up to let him down gently, since he's my friend and I don't want him to get hurt again. But I didn't think he would've done it during English Class. My friend, him, and I were in the same classroom. He sent a snap to her with a weird sticker of this old man. He looked bummed out at the end of class and I found out he got rejected by her. After that he stopped going up to me and goofed around like the same, since my friend was talking with her other close friend and I was alone. Figures he only got close to be closer to her. It hurt to know that he was only using me to get close to her, but that's what love does to a person I guess.

He started dating one of my other friends in freshman year after being rejected by my friend who had rejected him twice already. They were on and off, since her dad was strict on her dating anyone. But he wanted the relationship to continue on, because he still had feelings for her and so did she. Suddenly this sophomore year, after lunch he was bummed out since she had broke them up officially. He was depressed the whole class and it pained me to see him that way. He had his head down the whole time. I couldn't do anything, but to sit there and look at his back at that time since I sat behind him in front of the classroom. I couldn't cheer him up since he was probably not in the mood to talk to anyone or do anything for that matter.

I feel wrong for liking him. He's my friends ex and he confessed to my other friend twice in a row. It feels wrong to like my friends ex. He's a popular guy, nearly the whole school knows him. There's many people around him. He wouldn't notice someone like me or even look my way. I don't have any confidence in my body, looks, and my pride is gone after confessing to the first guy I had actually liked for real.

It was embarrassing and scary, but his ex was pushing me to confess to him and she even went into his classroom after lunch and tried to give my snap to him! That was the most embarrassing moment of my life. She tipped me off so much I decided to "fuck it" and dm him on Instagram. He didn't know who I was since I used my spam account. I figured he has a girlfriend based on his pfp. I just wanted to get my feelings out there and get it over with so they stop pestering and pressuring me to tell him. He was nice and caring to reassure me that I shouldn't hate myself for telling him. For me to not be sad over this, and he even stayed after school longer to check up on me to see how I was holding up. I haven't cried that badly and hurt my heart that much that night I told him. I didn't even realized I got rejected, until I was in the car ready for school. I broke down and was crying again, I barely had any appetite to even eat. The empty feeling in my stomach filled my hunger. I didn't have a will to eat. My stomach would hurt, but I couldn't feel much since the pit in my stomach made me numb to the pain.

I don't want to experience that type of heartache again. I'm weak and sensitive. I really don't want to like him, but he always pops up in my head whenever I'm alone with my thoughts.