Enough With Your Dirty Gerbils and Loud Walls

Dear Mrs Wilson,

I have always felt amused living near to you. You are the most hideous neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your gerbils is too dirty and your walls way too loud. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a speaker

I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you clean up then rehome to dog.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Daffidol Meadow.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Facebook.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks,

Dr Love