7 7

“I have to tell you something,” my love said with a look of defeat painted across her features. A shock wave of fear course through me.

Had someone found out about us?

Did they know what I was?

Razeen!

I almost exploded into a frenzy as my mind erupted with a million thoughts – each more horrid than the last.

“Tomorrow … ek… I,” her words were barely audible, and they weren’t words of anxiety. They felt heartbreaking. All thoughts of my brother’s safety were replaced with concern for the trembling angel in my arms.

“What is it?” I asked calmly, bringing her beautiful face between my hands.

“I’m getting married,” Kelly said and my world broke in two.

No.

Tomorrow?

What was the chance tha-?

I looked at her and felt her tilt her head upwards to meet my eyes.

“You’re… married? Who?” the words were falling from my tongue without instruction. There is no way that the girl who I have come to care for so deeply was the same woman promised to my baby brother. Oduduwa would not be so cruel to his children, would he?!

“Pa says I mus’ marry the chief’s son. Pa says he is a good man. Pa doesn’t know me so much, but he wants the best for me,” she said in a haste. I know. Her father wanted her to have a good match. She needed to find someone who would provide for her. My brother was the very best this village had to offer, and Kelly deserved to very best. I looked at her with what I can only assume was a vacant look.

I stood up. She pulled at my arm so that I would walk away from her, but I could barely comprehend her touch in that moment. I couldn’t wrap my head around what I had done. This is wrong! I should never have returned. My uncle was right to erase me – I managed to destroy everything I touched.

I pulled my arm from her grip and walked away from her. I made quick work of the hill and found myself on level ground before long. The force of Kelly’s body almost knocked me off my feet. She had run down the hill at full speed to keep up. She grabbed my face and pulled my gaze to her tear-fractured eyes.

“Tammy, I dont want him. I want you! Please! Ons kan weg-” she was pleading with me at this point, but I won’t let her.

“No! We are not going anywhere! You need to marry him!” I said with a ferocious seriousness in my voice. She looked absolutely hollow as she listened to my command.

I took that moment to run away from her. I was a coward. Given the choice, I would rather be a coward than a monster. I already cost my brother his parents, it would be unforgivable for me to rob him of his wife as well.

Fuck you, Oya, for giving with one hand and stabbing me with the other.

By the time morning came, Lucas had sent me a zealous reply and a promise to drive faster than Vin Diesel and I had given my grandma a lifetime’s worth of hugs. The entire village had piled into the ancient church. I decided to check on the groom to be. He was standing in front of the wall-length mirror fiddling with his tie. He had fixed his tie eleven times and flattened his corkscrews countless times since I entered the room. I put my hand on top of his shoulder. He finally looked up at me and gave me a tight-lipped smile. I took it upon myself to redo his tie straightened the lapels of his coat and added a bulb of Erica to his breast pocket as the final touch. He should have a piece of his mother with him on his big day.

“She’s here! My future granddaughter!” my ma fangirled from the other room. her voice had a way of piercing the most stubborn of walls. I tried not to laugh at my grandmother’s crazy antics. It was kinda cute how excited she was for Zeen. Today was a good day.

I watched my brother take a deep breath before looking at me. I gave him a soft smile that I hoped would convey all the support and love he needed in this important moment of his life. I open the door to allow him to walk through join his father, the Chief, at the altar. I watched my uncle put a heavy hand on his shoulders and pat him with pride radiating from the older man. They really were the perfect picture of the bond between a father and son. My gran was beaming at them. I was beyond happy for them- their family.

I couldn’t bring myself to join them. I had tainted the day too much already. I needed to leave them to their happiness and return home. I had overstayed my welcome.

So, I slipped out of the back door and towards the house as the bride arrived. I caught a glimpse of Kelly in her taupe gown with her hair wrapped in a beautiful headscarf. She looked beautiful and before long her smile would brighten again.

I reached the house and packed the last of my things into my case. When my family returned home, they would find my bed as I had found it. Untouched. Lucas would be there in the hour and then it would be a memory again. It will be as if I never returned. Save my letter. That will be the only proof that I was there. It will read:

Thank you for letting me be a part of your family for a little while. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay for the ceremony, but I needed to go home. I’m sorry we didn’t get to say goodbye, but I have never really been good at those. I pray the gods will continue to smile down on you. PS, Zeeny, you are going to be a great chief and an even greater husband – I wish you all the love in the world, beloved cousin.

- love Tamsyn