6 6

I allowed the sweetness of the moments of the day to bring a blush to my cheeks as I meandered home. I made short work of the journey and found my way to my assumed spot on the plastic crate in the yard. It was right beside Razeen’s makeshift garage; putting me in prime wrench passing range of my grease-painted baby brother.

I watched Razeen fiddle under the hood of the car in a haste. He worked at it for near a half hour and yet nothing had been altered. His gestures were random and unconcise. He painted the air between the hood of the and its engine with a wrench.

“Nervous?” I asked my little brother out of nowhere. He nearly jumped out of his skin and knocked his forehead on the bonnet. Shit, it’s just like me to injure my brother before his wedding.

“Sorry,” I called out, making a quick trip inside to fetch a bag of frozen mixed veg. He cringed slightly when I placed the iced bag on his forehead. I muffled my chuckle at his low pain tolerance.

“I don’t think it’s going to leave a bump. Don’t worry.” He didn’t reply. His fingers were still tapping against the He looked up at me with his big brown us and bushy eyebrows. It was the same look he gave me while we hid under our ma’s bed. It was the same look that said: I need help.

“What’s on your mind, bud?” I asked him. He tried to blow it off with a cocked eyebrow and wry smile but those both left his face when I smiled at him. Gotcha.

“What’f she doesn’t like me?” he asked in an uncharacteristically small voice. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“She’s going to love you. You’ve grown into a great guy,” I said confidently. He smiled at me, but he was also clearly confused. In due time, brother. I thought.

There was a part of me that felt like he knew. I wanted that to be true more than most things just so he could know how proud I was to be his sister. I wished I could tell him how proud our father would have been to watch him grow into the man became. He was conscientious, brazen, and alive with ambition. He was the son our father wanted to raise. Our mother would have smiled at the determination in his gentle brown eyes. She would have laughed at his zealous cooking and joyful demeanour. He was the very best of both of them. I wanted him to remember them long enough to feel their pride and mine. After that, he could go back to now and cast the painful memories back into the past. As long as they touched his heart once - that would be enough.

Sadly, he was not my brother and he was not the son of my parents. He was raised to be my cousin, the one who was taught to mourn the way a nephew does.

“You miss your parents?” he asked. The question broke my heart and settled in my throat. I nodded. It was all I could do.

“Pa says your father was a great Chief. Is it weird for you now… with me?” he asked softer this time. I knew the reason for his hesitation, but it was almost funny.

I squeezed his shoulder and smiled at him, “Between you and me, I think you make a better Chief than I would have.” He smiled and I ruffled his hair.

“It’s cool. With you here. You should visit more if you want. This is always gonna be your home,” I bit the inside of my cheek to fight the tears pooling behind my eyes and I nodded and hugged him.

“I think I may take you up on that.” My brother smiled. I smiled. This was home.

I wished him a good night. The groom needs a goodnight’s rest after all. I had one last person to see before my life returned to normal.

The house woke up in frantic haste as I took the time to wash the sleep out of my eye. I wandered into the kitchen and snacked on some toast while I waited for my coffee to brew. Innumerable women of all ages and levels of anxiety scurried and rushed through the room with far too many things in their hands and thoughts in their minds. How they kept anything from collapsing into further chaos eluded me, but I felt the distinct need to keep it that way. I didn’t bother looking for my brother. No doubt his father had stolen him away for whatever this tribe’s stag tradition was. I resigned myself to sipping on my black coffee and munching on toast as I thought about my last full day at home. If I couldn’t spend it with my brother, I knew exactly who I’d want to spend it with.

The house was still flooded with anxiety and loud voices. Tonight would leak into tomorrow at this point and I had no desire to watch it do so. I could feel the time beating its hands against everyone’s chest and trying to crawl under their skin. Not mine. I needed to break away from the ticking on the clock. I snuck out while my grandma was screaming at the village girls about the colour something insignificant that could bring about the end of humanity as we know it.

The walk to Kelly was short, automatic. Oya was a master of muscle memory. She was in her usual spot; with her Ericas. I tried to sneak up behind her and place my hands over her eyes, but the sparkling smile gave her away. She knew it was me. She threaded her fingers through mine and bought our intertwined hands to her supple lips.

I remember the story Lucas told me about his time in Athens, with the sirens. They felt like a prayer against your skin. They were the most welcomed of phantoms, inhabiting you to your pleasure. I remember the weight of his self-satisfied smirk on his face. It made him look more annoying than usual. But he was also happier than I could recall at that time, so I let him have it, his moment. I wondered if he’d consider this to be my moment. I couldn’t see my face; but it was heavy with happiness, giddiness, too. I could feel it. It felt great. She turned around and we stood up in one move. I saw the pick bud resting by her foot. I picked it up and blew off the dirt. With the softest stroke of my finger, I brushed her hair from her face and placed the soft pick behind her ear and into the oak brown lush of her hair. I loved the pink hue that dusted her heated cheeks.

There was a weight on my chest. I could barely breathe as I looked down at her. I wanted to etch her image into the canvas of my memory. Tomorrow I would have to say goodbye. Perhaps… I wish there was room for perhaps. But I had risked enough with the time I was here. Too long and the panga-wielding demons from my past would be back and destroy everything I had left to protect. I needed to get going as soon as the “I dos” were shared.

“Nee. Je dink… too much,” she said, playfully tapping my forehead. I let a laugh burst out of me and gallop towards her ears. She joined my burst of joy. It felt good to share it with her. I wanted to distract myself from the time that was suffocating me with a promise of abandonment; so, I surrendered the reigns to impulse and pulled her to her feet. She gave me a giddy look of confusion and intrigue. Then we were off.

I didn’t let a single thought enter my mind and we raced away from every living soul in the village and towards the only hill housed in the territory. It stood guard of the crops during the brutal summer sun. I had spent so much of my childhood racing my father up the hill – it was his favourite place in his world. We were both parched when we reached the peak, so I took her onto my back and ran the rest of the way to the top. I summoned water from the overhead clouds and brought my cupped palms to her lips. She gulped down the fresh liquid and made time to glare at me as she caught her breath. I smirked at her and somehow that earned me a diffident smile. Why would she suddenly be so small in my presence – I wondered.

There was an unspoken sadness in her eyes as she kissed me. I could taste salt on my lips as we parted for breath.

“I have to tell you something,” she said with a look of defeat painted across her features. A shock wave of fear course through me.

Had someone found out about us?

Did they know what I was?

Razeen!

I almost exploded into a frenzy as my mind erupted with a million thoughts – each more horrid than the last.

“Tomorrow … Ek… I,” her words were barely audible, and they weren’t words of anxiety. They felt heartbreaking. All thoughts of my brother’s safety were replaced with concern for the trembling angel in my arms.

“What is it?” I asked calmly, bringing her beautiful face between my hands.

“I’m getting married.”

I did not expect that.