I won

*WARNING*

Kindly note,

Be informed that this book contains a lot of mature material that is intended for readers above the age of 18. Strong language, graphic violence, and beautifully detailed love scenes are all present.

I won't mind if you choose to quit reading it if it makes you feel uneasy.

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I was once questioned by a buddy about why I wanted to be a writer. I responded in order to at least have some kind of influence over the lives of the characters in my book. Since forever, I had no control over my life. The events of my life would happen without me.

I was sick of that. When I was young I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew one thing. I wanted to be something. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to make a difference.

When I was a little boy, I used to sit at night and wonder what it would feel like to be famous. Would I feel special? Would people admire me? I decided that I would try my best to become famous, so I started planning my life in that direction.

When I got older I realized that living was pain. I had no control over what happened to me and I was again reminded of the past.

Forgive me for blabbing without telling you who I am. My name is Anthony Smith and the beginning of my story starts when I was 25 years old and had no faith in the supposedly "bright future."

Never have I had the courage to pursue my aspirations. I've never even attempted to study literature because everyone has told me that writing won't pay your expenses in the future. So what does a twenty-five year old, who has no money, and who has basically no future, do? He runs from life and decided to study medicine.

Despite my best efforts, I ultimately failed the examinations to become a doctor. I only passed the four out of twelve subjects because of the very kind gesture of a doctor that I didn't want to know.

I ended myself majoring in marketing, earning a degree I never used, and then working at a dull office doing tasks that were even less interesting than my coursework.

So, that's what I did. I wanted to be a doctor. Now, when I think back on that I find myself surprised that I thought it was a good idea at the time.

It's very ironic how all the "geniuses" in my family went into medicine. What has all the "studies" and the "qualifications" in the world ever done for me? It's the same thing for the people that have succeeded in their endeavours. Maybe I have more talents than they do, but those talents get me nowhere.

It's all a big game. Everything around us is being controlled by forces we can't even imagine. Our lives are being made simple for us. Simple? Did I say simple? I meant to say hard! Unnecessarily hard!

And what about my love life... a love? My first girlfriend was the only one I ever had. Was she attractive? Hell no! She was repulsive and disgusting. She would leave me and get with some guy who was six feet tall and 200 pounds. And because I didn't want to be the pathetic pathetic man who couldn't get over it, I would tell myself it was ok. It was no big deal.

Was she wise? Nope. She was a stupid, callous-hearted, conniving, lying woman that nobody could have trusted or loved, who lived off of my money, broke my heart, and eventually broke my spirit.

Did she love me? Umm... a little. Was she everything I was looking for? Nope. I still hated her for what she did, so it didn't matter at the time. I was convinced that I was doing the right thing in addition, she smoked cigarettes like there was no tomorrow. But I believed that this was just a phase and that I would eventually get over it.

I was wrong.

She broke my heart because I just couldn't understand what the fuck she was talking about. She would say something and the next thing I would know she would be calling me crazy and expecting me to clean the house and do her work for her.

She was a miserable, incompetent, manipulative, opportunistic, and totally un-self-aware person.

Our relationship lasted a year and a half. A year and a half of complete crap that I never thought would be the cause of my heartbreak.

Why had I fallen in love with her?

Well, that's easy. She never tried to be anything other than what she was. She was an absolutely great woman, who had to suppress her terrible appearance and then go ahead and get high and drunk and try to pretend she was some princess when all she was was a sick whore who should never be allowed to touch another living creature, or leave her house, or have sex with anyone, ever.

Another reason is the fact that she was obsessed with me, so I didn't have to worry about her cheating on me, or so I thought. I thought she was faithful to me seeing how clingy she was but I was wrong. She cheated on me with different men on a regular basis. Not just once, but several times. And I never knew about any of it because I was oblivious and did nothing to stop her.

I took what she said on faith, told her I loved her, and in my own selfish way was attempting to make it work for me. I was a coward.

My heart broke. The extent of my naivete, ignorance, and silliness only became apparent after that. Was it actually love? Or was it merely a dream? It's hard to tell what love really is, or whether it even exists at all.

Even after all that, I still made another conscious effort to fix things and make her happy, but it was too late. I was terrified of her coming back into my life so I decided to give up on her and love in general.

I chose that day to take it all back and get serious. This time I would be a real man, not some wimpy little boy that was abused by a foul-tempered shrew of a woman.

When I returned to my office job after grieving for a week, I was shocked to learn that my employer had filed for bankruptcy!

The company that I was working for had lost almost all of its clientele, had a huge debt, and were in the process of closing the doors. I was in shock.

I really had expected to get a severance and just live out my days in relative contentment, but the reality was that I would probably lose my job in a few weeks.

On the verge of a fit, I began laughing uncontrollably at myself for not realizing that I would be unemployed and would have to struggle with the problems associated with that.

Fortunately, as a reminder that I am a living, breathing human being who needs to eat, my stomach began to growl as I was on the verge of a mental collapse. I thus went to the closest convenience store and purchased some instant noodles in addition to a lottery ticket. As if I were going to win only to show myself what terrible luck I actually had, but... The ticket was scratched, and I won! Of course, it wasn't the primary cost, but with the money I received, I made the conscious decision to take charge of my life at last.

I made the decision to follow my aspirations of becoming a writer and residing freely in a major city!

When I totaled up my winnings from the lottery, I discovered that I had enough funds to purchase a good laptop for writing, as well as to rent an apartment on the top floor in a busy neighborhood.