19 I Can't Stay the Same Forever.

We got into Finnegan's car. There was a light shining off the garage in the direction of where Finn parked his car so we could see. Now that the sun had gone down, it was considerably colder. The day had been mild, but fall was moving in more each day. Of course, winter here in the South, you would never really know what to expect. You might wake up to frost, then have a week of mild weather. Or it would be frosty nights for two weeks, and one snowy day that would be melted away by noon.

Finnegan turned on the heater and directed the air down to the floor.

"Sorry about my parents. They do weird stuff like that to me all the time. But they like you." Finnegan had begun slowly navigating along the rocky road.

"Yeah, I think it would be funny if I hadn't been self-conscious and trying to keep up with their sarcasm."

"Yeah, they have a weird sense of humor, but I'm used to it. It gets easier. I promise." Finnegan reached his hand over and entwined his fingers with hers, leaving their hands resting in her lap.

Elise was silent for a while before she suddenly asked, "Can you teach me more about paganism? I felt something in the forest earlier. I want to understand it the way you explain it."

Relief came over Finnegan, and his heart lifted at her words. "What do you know about paganism, so far? It's hard to know where to start explaining."

"Well, I know what you've told me, about the forests and nature being your church. I know you think of the elements differently than what they are in Science. And you told me about your ring and the symbol of the God and Goddess. I hadn't really heard about paganism before. As far as religions go, I know there are a lot of Christian churches around here. My mom doesn't talk about religion much, but I think she used to be Catholic." Elise tried to think of anything else that might be relevant, but that was all she could remember.

"Well, what do you know about witchcraft?" he asked her tentatively.

"Witchcraft? Like Harry Potter? With wands and potions and spells and stuff?"

"Sort of." He took his hand back to wipe something from his eye, then he slid his hand around his head to let it rest on the back of his neck briefly, trying to figure out how to clarify the meaning of 'witchcraft'. He began trying to explain, but he used his hand while he talked, "There are so many fantasy novels and movies out there that talk about witches or wizards, but they don't always show witchcraft in a favorable light, or they twist magic into something whimsical and fictitious. Witchcraft goes with paganism because Pagans attune themselves to the spirits, which they believe are sources of magic. We all have a spirit source of magic within ourselves, but not everyone believes it. Belief is important because..." he sighed, "belief comes from our mind. Wow, this is harder to explain than I thought. There's so many different parts of paganism. It's not just witchcraft or communing with spirits, or even following lots of deities. There are lots of different traditions of paganism, like Native American shamanism, Druidism, Nordic paganism, Egyptian paganism, Siberian paganism... There are pagans all over the world. Pagans even draw from the philosophies of other religions, like Buddhism, Hinduism, and Secular Humanism, because ultimately we are reaching for a higher understanding of Self. Witchcraft is part of cultivating the magic within ourselves while applying the understanding."

He pulled off the road onto a gravel access road that led to the river if you drove far enough, but he just went far enough to pull partway into the grassy ditch. We were close to my house, but Finnegan wasn't ready to get there yet. He put the car in park and leaned his head back against the seat and letting his hands rest in his lap. He looked over to Elise. She was leaning her head back too. Her knees were held together while her arms rested comfortably at her sides with her hands tucked under her thighs.

Finnegan felt like he was muddling his explanation. "I don't know how to just sit and explain it, I guess," he confessed. "It's easier to explain through the practice of it, but when you practice with someone else, it's best to know if they really believe it too. Otherwise, it's corny and absurd."

"No! It's not absurd! I certainly didn't expect any of it, but I DID feel something in the forest. I like the way you believe in magic. I read a lot of novels that are set in medieval settings or are very fairy tale, and magic isn't something I ever thought could be real, but I'm glad that it is. I have a lot to catch up on, but if you can help me, I'd like to explore this more. I wrote you a note and left it in your backpack, but it was short. It, pretty much, just said that I don't have much to tell about myself. My life is pretty boring, or was until recently. I know I can't just think the same way forever, especially since I don't really know much outside the lives of the characters in my novels."

She looked at him as she talked, and he smiled, showing his dimples. She continued, "So, then you and your parents, you're witches?"

Finnegan said unwaveringly, "Yes." He watched her. She turned to look out the window, not really seeing anything beyond it. Elise tilted her head in thought. "But anyone can be a witch, right? If they believe in magic?"

"Well, yes and no. Magic, while beautiful and powerful, can also be dangerous, which is why if you don't learn how to wield it properly, it can have disastrous effects. Which is why most people are afraid of witches and think they're evil. The witches who expose themselves are reckless, whether intentionally or not. Think of it like someone who isn't an electrician trying to wire a house. If they don't know what they are doing, they will probably get hurt or set the house on fire, or both. Someone who IS an electrician will be careful not to make careless mistakes and know how to make the electricity work. What I mean is, anyone who wants to be a witch can learn to be a witch, but they have to really apply themselves to understanding magic. Someone who likes all the hokey witch stuff and believes in magic might WANT to be a witch, but they won't really learn anything from mainstream information. Most people who want to learn magic will probably never find someone to teach them true magic. The stuff I can teach you is passed down from witches of yore."

Finnegan held his breath. He had just offered to show her everything. He was trusting her, but it made him too vulnerable. But if she decided to participate, they could compose symphonies of magic together! Especially if her aptitude proved to be sufficient.

"It's a lot to take in. Plus, I'm going to start my job soon when I get my car."

Oh no! She was going to turn him down. What would he do now? She already knew more about him than anyone, except for his parents.

"I'm not saying 'no'. I'm just saying, you've given me a lot to think about for now. I really like you Finnegan. And now I can finally understand why you are so mysterious. This is all so new. Not just the paganism and witchcraft stuff, but having a boyfriend and starting a job, and I'll be turning 17. Can I have some time to adjust?"

"Oh," Finnegan had gotten so caught up in his pagan stuff, with his transformation spell he was planning to do and showing Elise his forest clearing, he had completely overlooked the other things happening in her life. He was so stupid. "Yeah, I'm so sorry. I should have been more considerate. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I actually tried really hard NOT to do that, but I did it anyway."

"Hey!" Elise laid her hand over the back of his and stroked it lightly with her thumb. "I'm really glad you've told me all this. Really, I am. I just have to process it all and get used to it. I mean, I can't stay the same way forever. My life has changed a lot in the past week and a half. But that doesn't mean that I can carry on without digesting some of it."

"Ok," he said, still feeling guilty, but understanding where she was coming from. "I'm just glad I can talk to you about it, but promise me something." He turned his hand over to cup it around her hand.

"Anything." She said solemnly and without hesitation.

"Not everyone can be trusted with this knowledge, which is another reason why mainstream witchcraft is the way it is. Real witches protect themselves by living in secrecy. It has been this way for centuries. Witches aren't persecuted like they used to be, but there is a stigma that most other people have against witches and they can be brutal in other ways. I can't stress this enough. No one else must know unless you can completely trust them, but I would prefer that no one else know about me and my family at least."

"I understand. Don't worry," she brought their cupped hands to her chest and made it so his hand was on the back of hers while her hand was flush against her heart. "I'll keep our secret."

Finnegan loved her. He moved his hand up to cup her jaw, and he just held her face, looking at her. His Goddess. His Serpentine Vixen, who had become so thoroughly and tightly entwined around his heart. He wanted to kiss her, but he was trying to show restraint since she was overwhelmed already.

He pulled her head to his, not breaking eye contact. When they were close enough to feel each other's breath, he closed his eyes and tilted his head forward so that their foreheads touched. He held her like this for a while, until he realized how late it was getting.

"I guess I should get you home before your mom worries." Their heads were still together, but when he said that, Elise's eyes shot wide open, and she gasped. Sensing her rising panic, Finnegan straightened himself in the driver's seat and pulled back onto the gravel road. He turned into a random driveway to turn around and took her all the way home.

Elise hugged herself and watched out the window until he got all the way down her driveway. As she got out, Finnegan hurried out to get her back pack for her from the backseat. When he handed it to her, she put it on and stood in front of him. It was cold, but they didn't feel it because of the intimacy they shared still burning within them.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Finn."

She was tense, and he thought it might be because she was afraid her mom would see. He took her hand by the fingertips and pressed the back of her hand to his lips.

"I shall count the minutes 'til then, Mo Cuishle."

She smiled and blushed. "Good night, Mo Cuishle," she said, and looking positively angelic, she turned away and walked to her front door. Finnegan drove home happier than he had ever thought possible to be.