Heaven and Hell

I found myself, on this conspicuous day, heading towards the lab as I did every day. I walked out of my house that was owned by the government, got into my self-driving car, which was owned by the government, and was driven to the lab, which, of course, was owned by the government. I left my car, entered the lab, put on my lab coat, and approached the computers before sitting in my seat and reading the graphs and flooding information, as I always did.

There was nothing unusual about this day, everything was just as it always was, yet the flood of information that had always been random, was now, for some reason, in patterns. I wrote down the patterns, but they made no sense, it was as if a single entity, yet thousands of entities, and also no entities at the same time, were right there, right in front of our measuring devices. The patterns came, as if a language, yet random. I wrote everything, seemingly obsessed, as more and more symbols and patterns flowed from the space beyond our planet to our little devices.

Eventually, I was forced away from my computer, fingers digging into the flesh of my arms, and I realized that multiple people were shouting my name. I hadn't heard them, I hadn't felt them, and I hadn't even noticed them until they forced me apart from the computer. I looked up at them, confusion written across my features, and I asked, "What? What is happening? Why are you pulling on me like this?"

They stared at me like I wasn't even slightly sane, and one of the scientists said, "You started speaking in some unknown language, whispering at first, then nearly shouting at other times. You wouldn't respond, but you just kept writing those… those damn symbols. When people called out to you, even shouting directly into your ears, you never once responded. When we touched you, you didn't react, and when Holly put her hand in front of your screen, you stabbed her hand with your pen!"

I felt that my throat was indeed sore, as if I had been shouting, and I saw blood on my pen and drops of blood on my notebook. The writing was in symbols, images of a horrific entity, others symbols I somehow understood were events in time, many had already occurred, some hadn't yet. There were writings of creatures that once ruled over the world, ancient beings that ruled the very fabric of reality, bending it to their whims. I felt myself, this time, being drawn back into the symbols and tore my vision from the notebook and saw the others staring at me, horror and hatred in their eyes.

My confusion was growing, but I still asked, "Why are you looking at me like that? I don't understand what is happening."

Instead of answering me, the same coworker that had answered before, punched me in the face and said, "What did you just say about my wife? I'll fucking kill you!"

I was thrown from my chair, falling to the floor. My notes, ripped from the notebook in my haste to keep writing them, scattered across the floor. The rage and fear in their eyes turned to emptiness as they stared at my notes, those symbols changing, shifting, becoming more than just simple marks. They became knowledge that we were never meant to know, things like how you could rip apart the very stream of time, or remove the barriers of space, bend light beyond its capability. The fear steadily returned to their eyes, but their bodies wouldn't move, nay, couldn't move. They shuddered, barely breathing, as more and more information about the destruction of the universe, and the entities that created it, or existed before it, flooded their minds.

I read and, without even noticing it, began writing again. The computer showed that this entity, non-entity, was approaching, yet I couldn't stop writing. I felt everything fade away, and creatures, made of shadow or light, writhing in the corners of my eyes. Entities of unknown origin, crawling, clawing their way towards me, and yet my mind couldn't focus on them as it only focused on writing those damn symbols. Then suddenly, it all stopped. The symbols, the entity or non-entity, the creatures and beings in the corners of my eye, all of it vanished.

Looking around, I found all of my coworkers either collapsed on the floor, shaking from madness and horror, or others bolted, and even one picked up a pen and stabbed it through their own throat, repeatedly while sobbing. I stared at my hands, knowledge still there, and yet it felt so… right.

I read the symbols on the floor, all of my fear, rage, and confusion gone, left with an emptiness, and clarity, that I had never felt before. I knelt and began to rearrange the notes on the floor, adding the new notes and what was revealed was a creature. There was no describing this creature, seemingly random edges and shadings, eyes and flesh, but there was no way to truly understand its form. I felt my mind shattering, and yet even as it broke and I laughed uncontrollably, my mind never lost its clarity.

I was still there, lost deep within my own broken and twisted mind, watching as my body moved on its own. Watching as I laughed as I killed my coworkers, sometimes using tools, other times using seemingly superhuman strength to simply rip them limb from limb. I watched as my body, no longer under my control, formed an altar, not from stone and wood, but from flesh and bone. Ripping their flesh from their now still corpses, shucking the flesh off of their bones, and yet, my mind still felt clear. Even the me, trapped deep within, could no longer tell the difference between myself and this broken reality that I now lived.

Once the altar was finished I found myself posting images of the entity that I had formed from my symbols onto the internet. It took less than an hour before people began entering the lab, their eyes blank, their bodies moving on their own. They lay themselves, one by one, onto the altar, and I began chanting. The language wasn't one that I knew, and yet I understood. I was asking, begging this entity to grant me the blessing of its presence. Begging it to destroy everything and to return the purity of existence, and began to sacrifice each person, one by one. A blade, formed from bone that I noticed was my own bone, ripped from my opposite forearm, then sharpened into a point, and thrust into the hearts of the sacrifices.

This entity appeared in the sky, blotting out the sun with its ununderstandable fleshy, writhing form. Limbs grew and vanished into its form freely, causing its form to never be the same as the instant before, and explosions could be heard. I could feel something clawing at my mind, I could hear scratching, scuttling creatures at the edge of my hearing, those entities made of shadow and light in the corner of my eyes. I rose, my body warping, tearing, and changing as I absorbed the flesh and bone of those that had been sacrificed.

I rose into the air, lifting off the floor, drawing closer to this entity, but the scratching at my mind grew stronger, and my shattered mind was now being torn to shreds that couldn't even be recognized as a mind and everything was removed and I felt… joy. Joy that I could become one with God. For this being, this entity, that could create as easily as it could destroy in its perfect beauty, could only be God. I understand now, for man has been filthy and sinful, and God has come to cleanse us from His universe. His writhing flesh, undulating limbs, and multitude of incongruous eyes, all were the perfect form of God, and I would soon join with Him.

I felt my mortal body rip apart, but the pain didn't even register as the joy of joining with God flooded my entire being. I felt a rush as I became one with my God, and oneness, then the very next moment, I awoke back in my bed. I felt my body was my own once more, but I fell to my knees, agony and loss filling my whole being. I felt the loss of connection with God, I felt the fear of being alone, and the pain of my own mind being ripped apart.

I stood, tears still streaming down my face, and obsessively tried to recreate the symbols from my memories. I found myself, hours later, sobbing as I couldn't get them right. I left my house, got in my car, and went to work, unable to even focus on what I was doing. I approached my computer and tried to find any patterns within the information and to my joy and relief I found patterns once again. I drew them, trying to get everything, yearning for my God's embrace once more.

Hours later, I found myself, once more, having my mind getting ripped apart by the brain-melting amount of knowledge, the creatures crawling at the edges of my mind. Yet this time, the being was not God, it was the antithesis of God, all things evil, uncomfortable, painful, and wrong. I found myself going through the same exact steps, doing the same exact actions, then floating up towards this entity. It had the same undulating, indescribable appearance, and yet it was the exact opposite of God. It was horrible and I was terrified and I didn't want to go closer, but I had no control. I was being dragged, mentally screaming and clawing trying to get away, to no avail. I felt my body tear apart, blinding pain through every nerve in my body, and a profound wrongness as I was merged with this entity.

Then I was awake in bed again. I couldn't move as I was just happy to no longer be part of this entity, and yet I felt a longing to be one with this entity once more knowing it could either be heaven or hell, but either way it was better than being just… alone. I got up, my mind now empty, even if my vision was filled with the broken images of symbols beyond human comprehension and creatures of unknown origin, and I proceeded to go to work, as if I had never experienced anything.