5 Don’t Mix Your Traumas.

Bisola was already in the kitchen before her daze shook off and she remembered the extent of her cooking skill was indomie a la egg sauce and left-overs frittata.

Her phone was still ringing but she didn't think she could deal with Aina just yet. She'd reached her limit for indignities at the office and she wasn't in the mood to mix office and home traumas. So she let the phone ring and stood in the kitchen wondering what on earth she was going to do.

Panic was setting in. No matter how she looked at it, there was now a big, naked man installed in her Granny's bedroom.

This was not something she could explain to anybody. Like - what would she even say?

She couldn't make him go away either... Bisola recalled the flames that had leaked from his deep set eyes and recalled that he probably wanted to leave even more than she wanted him gone. She frowned. If he hated her so much why did he have to stay with her? Didn't he have a shrine he could chill at till they could figure things out?

Then she felt guilty because he wouldn't even be here if she didn't accidentally summon him. This was technically and philosophically her fault. The least she could do was get him some clothes and order him some Amala.

And after that....?

Bisola retrieved her phone and ignored the missed calls to WhatsApp her amala plug. She thought of his size then ordered three servings with efo riro - because it was her favourite soup - and extra protein. It was nearing the end of the month so though Aunty Iyabo's pricing was reasonable, it still hurt her budget a bit. Was this what having a dependent was like? How long was she going to have to support him? Would she have to pick up a side hustle? With which time?

The panic was rising again.

Bisola scurried out of the kitchen, scooping up as she went the emergency bottle of Baileys she'd seized as her due at the last wedding she'd attended , and beelined to her bedroom. She shut the door and - for the first time since she'd moved in - she locked it.

Finding her work satchel, she unearthed her laptop, opened it and pulled up the last thing she'd been watching on netflix. One quick change into a baggy tshirt and boxers and she was set. She switched on her AC, took a deep swig from her bottle, settled into her bed covers and sighed.

Everyone knew that the best way to deal with problems of overwhelming magnitude was to simply pretend they didn't exist.

***

"You know you would have been fired."

Seated the next day in front of Regina from Human Resources, Bisola marveled at how having everything you thought you knew about the world get turned upside down could really put things in perspective.

"Should have been fired, actually, " Regina persisted, "it's not as if you've been doing well, you've already received a query this month for that deadline you missed that put the whole marketing department behind on the paper mill account-"

Yesterday, she probably wouldn't have been able to handle this reprimand. The injustice of it would have been too much to bear.

"In fact, as far as I understand, the overall quality of your work has been low. I hope you know your team has just been managing you,"

That.

That would definitely have crushed the yesterday version of her that didn't know Yoruba myths and legends could literally crash land into your life with looming threats to your financial stability.

Today's Bisola heard it with only half of her brain.

The other half of her brain, meanwhile, mulled over the fact that on her way out of the flat that morning, she'd seen the amala meal tray she'd set outside her Granny's bedroom door still there, quite untouched.

After her initial surprise, she couldn't help feeling both confused and annoyed. Did he fall asleep and forget to eat it? After she spent money?

She'd crept up to the door, wishing she had the temerity to bang on it and demand answers, and pressed her ear against the wood to hear - nothing. Nothing snored or even stirred.

If not for the covered food at her feet she could probably have convinced herself that yesterday she'd been subject to a stress-induced hallucination.

As it was, she didn't know what to think as she quietly picked up the tray that had sat out all night and, after sniffing at it gingerly, decided to err on the side of "don't try your luck with buka grub" and throw it all out. That part pained her the most. If she'd known he was just going to leave it, she could've packaged it for herself and brought it in to work with her today.

"And the way you dress, Bisola," Regina's emphatic tone brought her back to human resources, "even if you can't think of yourself, can't you think of the people around you? We're the ones that have to look at you!"

Bisola glanced down at her outfit of yet another too big, button down shirt and the calf-length skirt it was tucked into, not because it matched but because it touched her hand first when she'd reached into her closet that morning. She winced. That one she could give to Regina. Fits had been the last thing on her mind for a while now.

"Your appearance is bringing down morale! Look at your hair... can't you wear a wig?"

Bisola couldn't stop herself from touching her afro self consciously before pulling her hand back into her lap. It's not like she didn't want to do something with it. The last time she'd entered a salon she'd had to leave with shampoo still in her hair to answer a work emergency.

Regina sighed heavily while staring her down. "Do you know the reason why we haven't fired you?"

The lengthening pause told Bisola that this question was not rhetorical. She shook her head though she had a haunch where this was headed.

"Somebody begged for you!" Regina announced dramatically. "Guess who?"

It was Bisola's turn to sigh. "Who?" she asked defeatedly.

"The very person that you wronged." Regina sounded almost triumphant. "Your team leader, Aina Gomez. And I will tell you personally - for the life of me I don't know what that woman sees in you or why she decided to carry you on her head. I've not seen you show any sign of appreciating it."

Bisola hung her head and said nothing because she had already learned that trying to say anything somehow made things worse.

"But because of the respect and good will she has in this office, HOD listened to her so you will only receive a demotion." Regina turned to the paper work in front of her and efficiently stamped a few pages. "There was supposed to be a suspension too but because of the trouble you caused, your department needs all hands on deck, so you can continue coming to work. Sign here."

Bisola shifted forward in her chair and looked at the document which outlined her new position as a junior market research analysts and its accompanying pay cut. That the words and numbers in front of her weren't swimming in tears, she took as a win. She was sick of crying, in bathroom stalls or otherwise. She picked up the pen Regina had placed in front of her and not for the first time, the thought crossed her mind.

Shouldn't I just leave?

Bisola hesitated. She remembered convincing her parents that it was a good idea to let her switch from law to marketing. She remembered passing up decent offers because her standard of success was getting into Maps Advertising and getting to work with her best friend. She thought of the years she'd already put in and her current account balance and lack of savings. She remembered her new divine dependent.

She could quit for emotional satisfaction but how long would it last?

"Are you still thinking?" Regina's voice was loud with disbelief.

Bisola badly wanted to push the document back towards her, stand up and walk away with her tattered pride clutched around her. Instead, she folded the tattered pride and put it away then bent to sign the document.

Regina examined it with satisfaction after she was done. Then she glanced at Bisola with a mixture of pity and impatience. "You don't have anything to say?"

Bisola bit back bitterness as she shook her head.

"I'm not surprised," the older woman said dryly as she filed the document away, "you can go"

Bisola got up relieved it was finally over.

As she reached the door, Regina dropped one more piece of unsolicited advice. "If I were you, I'd go and kneel down for Aina and thank her."

Bisola, unlike herself, left without saying a thing in response.

***

Her new seat was just one walk of shame past the cubicles that housed the research team, past Aina's brand new glass walled office, past the floor kitchenette, all the way on the other side of the floor from the elevator, in the tiny room that also served as stationery storage, the home of the printer and where the interns were kept. Bisola felt the wide eyes on her, every step of her way there.

The good thing about the room that was now her office was that there was only one other person there. The bad thing about it was that person was young, just graduated Mayowa who was her direct subordinate and mentee just yesterday but was as of today, her mate.

Mayowa, a bespectacled girl whose instagram presence was more vivid than her real life one, watched with a solemn gaze as Bisola walked in with her desk paraphernalia and proceeded to set up opposite her. Bisola felt that gaze as she lined up her sparse belongings on her side of the desk, realized with annoyance that her favourite eraser was missing once again and decided she didn't have the emotional bandwidth to go and get it back from Roland the office borrower.

She sat down, opened her laptop, seriously debated continuing to ignore her but then sighed and gave in.

She met the younger girl's eyes over her monitor. "Mayowa, anything?" she asked tiredly.

"The assignment you gave me yesterday," Mayowa asked with no inflexion in her voice, "should I still hand it in to you?"

It was Bisola's turn to stare. She stared because it felt like the alternative was to scream and she was too self-conscious to do anything like that.

Maybe paranoia was the normal state you entered after being summarily kicked to the bottom of the food chain. Yesterday she hadn't thought much about Mayowa beyond her potential for helping out on their current projects. Now she was wondering if this was a jab at her and if maybe the girl didn't like her. Had she unknowingly offended her somehow?

Mayowa didn't look smug or triumphant like Regina had. She looked the same way she always did. Colourless with the fluorescent light glinting off her lenses.

"Uh... good question," Bisola said at last forcing a quick smile. At least she could say she'd never treated Mayowa in any kind of demeaning way so there was no need for an attitude adjustment in talking to her. "You should probably ask Aina who you should report to from now on."

Mayowa nodded shortly, "ok." She calmly started to print out documents and Bisola wished she was the type of person that had thicker skin. If she couldn't deal with former subordinates how was she going to deal with her former teammates?

Or Aina?

Mayowa wordlessly stood to gather her documents and left. In the heavy silence that followed, Bisola heard the filtered sound from the cubicles of her colleagues laughing. She wondered if she was the punchline.

Bisola wished she'd said to hell with it that morning and just skipped work.

***

"Biso."

Bisola flinched mid-typing.

Despite herself she'd actually gotten into the zone. That's how it was with her and data. She hadn't even noticed it was past 6 already. Mayowa was long gone.

That wasn't what made her flinch though.

She arranged her face as much as she could. She wanted her expression to read, none of this affects me. When she looked up into Aina's amused regard she knew she'd fallen short.

"You're still here?" her tone was light, friendly and even sympathetic.

Beside her, Anene who just last week had told her she would owe her forever because she'd stood in for her and given a presentation just so she could leave town on time to make an old school friend's wedding, now shot her judgmental looks. "Still doing eye service," Bisola heard her mutter.

Aina smacked her arm lightly as if reprimanding her. "Stop," she said.

Bisola heard the deep chuckle from behind them before Ladi, the Marketing Team Lead and her one time major office crush stepped forward into view. As always he looked perfect in her eyes. Tall, as smoothly good looking as a young charismatic pastor, impeccably groomed and - as she had recently learned - quite cruel.

And, as usual, he looked perfect beside Aina who herself was a picture-perfect corporate belle - statuesque in her tailored, subtly unique suits and accessories, everything about her evoking the summit of all things aspirational. Even Bisola found it hard to believe that the dowdy her used to be best friends with a creature so stunning and perfectly put together. It was even harder to believe that she'd once thought Ladi could have been interested in her when a whole Aina existed.

Anene glanced impatiently at her phone like they were late for something but Aina and Ladi watched her closely with that same light amusement as if she was a newly discovered infinite source of entertainment.

"I've been trying to reach you since yesterday, didnt you see my calls?" Aina asked gently.

Bisola suddenly remembered her problem at home. The intimidating height and width of it. The noble, almost brutally handsome features, the lightening in his fierce, deep set gaze. There must really be something wrong with me, she thought, how could I have distracted myself enough today to actually forget that situation?

"I... had some things going on at home..." she said vaguely.

Bisola glanced up at Ladi self consciously, wishing with all her heart that he wasn't there.

Ladi caught her glance and smirked.

Bisola frowned at the lack of belly flips that followed. She frowned even more when she caught herself feeling like he suddenly didnt seem as tall as she'd thought he was before.

Aina tilted her head and said solicitously, "I hope your folks are ok? Have you told them what happened yet? If you need, I can help you explain everything to them and soften the blow. You know they always listen to me."

Irritation and bitterness rose in Bisola's throat. The last thing she needed was Aina bothering her parents with her version of their daughter's latest humiliation.

"Did you, " she was trying to force a smile but she wasnt sure what was showing, "need something?"

"Oh yeah," Aina sounded like she'd actually forgotten. "The department is insisting on celebrating my promotion" she rolled her eyes as if she couldn't believe they were making such a fuss while Bisola stared at her in mounting suspicion. "Anyway, I volunteered you to handle it. I thought it could be a way for you to earn back some points with HOD? What do you think, Biso?"

The keen watchfulness behind her casual smile intensified as Bisola tried to unstiffen herself.

Suddenly Aina frowned and looked troubled, "Wait - have I overstepped my bounds again? I've been trying to help but I should have asked you first!"

"What?" Anene jumped in looking deeply offended, "Overstepped what? The only reason she has a job is because of you! Come!" she turned on the still stiff Bisola like a hen whose chick was in danger, "can't you be grateful for once? For your information, I actually volunteered to handle the party myself but Aina refused because she wanted to help you!"

"Anene, that's not necessary," Aina cut in, "Bisola and I go way back. We understand each other and if she wants to be upset with me she has every right-"

"I'm not upset." Bisola finally interjected even though her mind was screaming at her to ignore them. This was how she always got dragged into their games. This was how she always ended up under the bus. "I'll do the party."

Aina smiled, flashing a matching set of dimples before her expression became concerned.

"Are you sure? You have so much work to get through."

If you knew that then why did you volunteer me? Bisola seethed in her head. In reality she gave a blank smile. "It's fine. I can handle it."

"Well... If you say you can handle it," Aina's dimples flashed again, "I'll leave it to you."

She finally stepped away from the doorway and Bisola watched dully as Ladi gently placed his hand on the small of her back to escort her away.

Anene lingered for a parting shot. "Please keep in mind that others deserved this opportunity more than you and do a good job." She gave Bisola one more disapproving glance before sweeping away to follow her superiors.

Bisola waited until she could no longer hear their footsteps before burying her face in her arms.

She suddenly hoped with every cell in her body that what happened yesterday had not been a hallucination. There was nothing she wanted more right then than to distract herself from reality.

And there was nothing or no one she knew further from her understanding of reality than the god currently squatting in her flat.