Chapter 184 - Wishing to be loved

Guang was unaware that Xue had been jealous when she saw Hazel and Aile on a mount previously. It was something that she wanted to experience too. Such an opportunity would not come again to find out why she has been thinking about him over the years and to sort out her feeling. So she was thankful to Guang for her overreaction.

It was not long before the journey began, and Guang was once again in the same situation as before. She was looking at his back while he flirted and treated another woman well. Xue kept on looking back, but it seems she just wanted to make eye contact with him. 'Damn it, this is not good, I better stop them,' she thought. So she went and asked why was she a third wheel brought on what seemed like their date? However, a cold response and eyes that were emotionless greeted her. He told her she is only here so that he could study the rune in his free time.

Returning back while distancing herself as her eyes filled with tears, she wanted to cry. 'Why does no one like her? He saw me barely dressed, and I am giving him my everything, yet he is looking at me like that...' Her anger further increased, and she decided to vent some of it. She could not claim that she was hurt from his behaviour, she could only vent her frustration in the name of her sister. After shouting at him that he should be treating Heian better, she returned only angrier than before. He had not been provoked or cared about her outburst, making it worst for her. At least being hated or angry shows a level of attention.

Her plan was going to take effect soon, and if he remains so apathetic about her, then it would not work. If she wants to get close to him later, then they need to have some semblance of understanding, and he should not be on guard just because of her presence.

So she plans to be shameless on the first stop out of the three, that they will have after one and half of hours' journey. She would have hoped that things would be different. Her imagination painted a picture and an image of both of them chatting happily, as Aile made jokes until they reached their destination. She wanted to be treated well, so she can experience how to laugh again. Yet even this new person was happily treated while she was discarded. She could only sigh and agree that happiness was something she was not destined for.

Deep in her heart, she was wondering if his treatment will make her feel happy and carefree like the girl who loved sweets. She muttered while looking at Aile and Xue chat, "Just once I hope to talk, be happy and cared for..."

***

On the other hand, Aile had wrapped his hands around Xue as soon as they left the gate and the mounts picked up speed. With his touch, Xue shuddered and held her breath due to the intimacy and close contact. However, Aile failed to notice anything, as his mind was occupied by his escalated relationship with Hazel and her cute face not long ago. Pulling her closer, Aile felt the different body shape in front of her. Xue had a more athletic body type with a petite build. Aile noticed the difference immediately, but then not being pushed away, he did not let go. This would have happened eventually as the path was rougher and more uneven. Since she did not mind it, and it was expected to happen, he shrugged. To prevent the situation from turning awkward, he started a conversation about what happened since their last meeting years ago. He had gotten a brief summary before now to kill time he might as well know about her more.

She gave a recount which she downplayed her involvement in the success of creating and running the two merchant unions. Not showing off, and directing the credit to him for forming the essential partnerships made Aile get a better impression of her. It was not long before she reminisced about their first meeting and his ungentlemanly treatment of her then and how he has not changed.

Aile was planning to apologize and the, "you still have not changed?" made him rethink his approach and questioned her what she was talking about.

Xue retorted and pointed at his hands, saying, "A gentleman asks if they can hold on to a lady while riding. Even after they got permission, they would either hold on at the shoulders or place their hands at the waist. That is, after getting permission. But you wrapped your hand around me and pulled me closer to you the first instance."

Aile understood what she was saying, he had always done this to Hazel, so it had become natural. Before he could apologize, she continued.

"But it is not too bad now I have something to lean back on, and it will make the journey more comfortable."

Being calm and treating him so familiarly made Aile surprised. She was completely different than how she acted on the previous trip. 'Was it because she did not recognize me or she was the leader of the party?' Since she was being close, Aile just asked her about it, not caring about anything and seeing her leaning back as if she has always done.

She looked at him and said, "Isn't it obvious?"

Aile was caught off guard and did not know what to say, how could it be obvious? Did he miss another social cue? Either way, he wanted to know and asked her.

She made him guess but seeing how miserably out of target he was. She came clean, unlike her previous rhetoric, she started with the disclaimer at the beginning that, he should not interfere and that she does not blame him. She continued to say that she does not find the presence of masked woman and people around him very inviting. After discussing, Aile figured out that she was not fond of Fiona and the restrictions she put her under preventing her from meeting him and increasing her influence. She has been relegated to running the unions behind the scenes, in actuality she does not have much weight or power in them. Anyone who wears her mast and memorizes her unique codes could replace her, and no one will know.

So when she met another mask female next to him as she was not on her best performance, she did not dare do anything that could gain her attention. That would only result in some retaliation preventing her from keeping her word to Aile. She had promised to work for him, to repay him for saving her.

She had also been told of Aile's importance by Fiona, and she did not want to cause trouble or gain his attention in a way that would make her break her promise. Even more so after she found him stronger than her. Only when she confirmed Aile's identity did she relax a bit. This was the reason she acted meekly before and more openly now. She said that she finds him trusting, which somehow allows her to relax and be at ease in front of him, and secure enough to lay back into his embrace. He failed to see her flush red face and her eyes darting to his hand every so often. There was also a desire to put her hands on top of his.

As a person growing up alone, she had built a safe environment for her until Jack Oxe tried to assault her and Aile saved her from him. Ever since then, she feels safe around him and by extension the people and forces around Aile.

Even now, while Xue is not fond of Fiona, she does not dislike her. She knows when it comes to her safety, Aile and Xue have always kept her safety their priority. Not only her safety, but every one of the people working under them is prioritized.

She then remembered the beginning when she did not have enough power, influence, and wealth to build the Merchant hall. Fiona or a bodyguard would escort her to ensure her safety and protected from unscrupulous merchants. Ever since then she finds herself safest around him and when he is not there, his people.

There are still personal problems between her and Fiona, but she knows when she needs help, she will receive it any without questions asked. Therefore, she considers Fiona as rival or possibly family and wants to solve the differences herself and not leave any opening so that she could exploit. The same reason she is willing to tell Aile about and vent in front of him but does not want him to interfere.

Contrary to one's guess of their relationship, it has never been one of boss and subordinate, but a cooperative one, cheering each other up and discussing their actions when in need of someone start to bounce ideas off. They recognize each other's talent and respect for each other when it comes to business. The only time Fiona has been a hindrance to her is if she wants to meet him or volunteer to make a public move that would create an identity for her.

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