1. COLLAPSE

Exactly I don't know where it started or how it started, the great depression. You can consider it as a great philosophical collapse of my own. Now I am becoming the cocktail of the fan philosophies I studied and left halfway and the basic philosophies I were taught as a child. Might vomit it sometime but it already occupied my courageous side and never allow that much courage to vomit.

How this collapse started? Who put this fear that I can't see myself beyond?

As a high school kid dreams were sweet. Oh! God; I can't wait to see myself becoming an astronaut. Nope! God does not exist. I shouldn't pray God for better future. I can make my own future.

Being an astronaut is so sophisticated dream. God! How dumb I was back then. Ohh! I still believe in god. See how ironical my thoughts are. I can't even do one thing as expected. Lives of Cooper and Murph from Interstellar and Mark form Martian were adventurous but not less than shithole. It would be better if I watched these movies in my schooldays instead of those child plays.

Those child plays were great tho'. Came back from school and watch them the whole day. Laugh at those jokes which might feel cringe now. Then go to the field, play with homies, come back, take rest and study your ass off to become an astronaut. Gosh! Nostalgia nearly kills me.

With many sweetest memories I ended my high school with some brilliant grades. Brilliant grades were much needed to become an astronaut as I was told back then. As obvious I took science for further studies.

Few weeks passed, I was still studying my ass off to become an astronaut. There were no guides to show me the possible ways to become an astronaut. "Well I'll do it myself." I had internet access. I typed, "How to become an astronaut."

Millions of results popped up. I clicked on the 5 minutes YouTube video "Become an Astronaut, in 5 minutes". Are you kidding me? I am pissing my ass off for last 10 years to become an astronaut and you can make me an astronaut in 5 minutes. Later I found that the video was about what are needed requirements to become an astronaut. It doesn't matter what was inside the video. That video took me to a completely different universe. I went deep into my search and almost waste the whole night. Ohh! I can become an astronaut, but let first do some research on their lifestyles.

Why am I even doing this? Research on astronaut's life.

Internet is recommending me various career options. If lifestyle is the matter of fact then there are better options available. Actually I should explore various exposures. I shouldn't stick only to that astronaut thing. As my research says the resources required may not accessible for me. So I must think of other options.

Shouldn't I give a try to my passion? Well what is that? What is my passion?

Fuck!

It's three in the morning.

I'll figure out my passion sometime later. I got classes to attend tomorrow in the morning. Wait, it should be today morning? Is not the timelines are confusing? But these confusions make me feel comfortable.

Confusions are often comfortable. It is good to stay in the comfort zone for some time. At least for now, as it is the safer option.

Shit! Time is a real fast shit. It runs faster than Usain Bolt while in comfort zone.

I think it is time to ejaculate philosophy shits.

Well, philosophical ejaculation might help me getting some good sleep.

Tomorrow I have to piss my ass off to become an astronaut again.