Police and Pastors

"Nigerian Police and bribe are like five and six," a male voice with a deep bass said from behind. Uche turned in search of the speaker and found no one. Everyone was busy with their phones and those who were not on their cells were sleeping.

"They are not as bad as Nigerian Pastors," the driver said.

Uche had a short laugh before asking "How?"

"Your dealings with a Policeman is very straight forward and most times, simple. He wants your money and won't hide it. Preach from now till Jesus returns, he will still collect that money from you. Try to play smart, you end up behind the bars…"

Uche slowly nodded, in appreciation of the words of wisdom from the driver.

"Put on your seatbelt. That is a capital crime in this country." He ordered Uche.

His face twisted as he dragged the black belt across his blue polo and locked it in the red hood beside his gray-colored seat. Uche is one that doesn't like taking instruction from people, yet, what the driver just said was no lie. The car will be pulled over, their time wasted and the driver will still be made to pay a huge bribe for such minor offense.

"But, you see these Pastors" the driver continued. "They are worse. They come to you disguised as innocent, holy, compassionate, all-knowing and truly concerned about you, meanwhile, they are after the ten percent of your income, your offering, and first fruit…"

"Dri-ver!" a female voice called out in bubbly tone. The car shook with laughter and those who were asleep woke up confused and in search of the reason behind the sudden laughter.

"The person that collects your money without lying and the one that collects it with pretends, who is worse?"

"The latter" Uche responded with a chortle.

"You are just being hilarious… who compares a Policeman to a Pastor?" the lady asked. Uche turned to have a quick look at the lady troubling the driver. Expecting to see an advance woman probably dressed like the wife of a pastor but to his disappointment, it was a pretty young lady on red collar polo with a blue jean skirt, seated directly behind the driver. Their eyes met and shyly Uche looked away.

"I take it that you don't like Pastors very much" He inquired from the driver.

He took his eyes off the road and gave him a quick stare, saying nothing, yet Uche saw it all in his eyes.

"Are you even a Christian?" the lady added.

"I was born a Catholic but quit church about two years ago"

"What happened? It is very uncommon for Catholics to lose faith?" Uche asked puzzled and in anticipation of the story that would cause this storyteller of a driver to leave Christianity.

Uche has been an atheist for over three years now. He lost complete faith in any form of belief in god after the brutal death of his father. To him, the Bible was just a book of fiction, a fantasy just like "Harry Potter" with stories of dragons and talking donkeys. He believes all gods are created by man in their own image and likeness. However, he is always careful to observe his environment before declaring he is an atheist as that is enough to get one killed in some part of Nigeria.

"A Saturday just like this one year ago, I was traveling for Owerri to Onisha. A pretty lady was in front just like you." He pointed at Uche with his index finger and continued. "This young lady probably in her early twenties had a faraway look in her eyes. She was worried to the bones. As a good driver who cares about the wellbeing of my passengers, I was concerned. So, I asked what the problem was? At first, she said nothing and kept to herself. But, I'm one man with a great reputation for making good conversation." He said proudly.

"Yeah, you certainly do" Uche nodded in agreement.

"I engaged her in funny and light-hearted conversations until she split the beans. She was traveling from Imo State to visit the father of her unborn child.

"Is he not aware?" I asked.

"No" she responded.

"Is he going to deny the pregnancy?"

"No, I am not sure" she whispered.

"You don't love him?" I asked. She didn't respond, so I took that as a 'NO'.

"Then, what is the problem?"

"He is a Priest," she said in a low tone.

"'A Priest?' I exclaimed. My eyes nearly came out of their sockets in surprise. Before then, I have heard people, especially non-catholic saying Priest usually have children outside. Some even confess to having seen a priest having sex with married women in church. I personally… " He left the steering wheel and placed his hand on his chest like someone about to pledge. "I personally never believed them. To me, all these were lies and propaganda. People trying to put dirt on the white garment of the Holy Church. So, I asked her again, are you sure it was a Priest that put you in a family way?

'Yes,' she nodded, a sudden shyness present in her eyes."

"Hmmm," Uche murmured.

"You need to see me that very day, I was shocked to the bones…"

"Meep!Meep!Meep!" another Sienna of the same company horned and zoomed past them.

"I greet you, my brother!" The driver shouted and waved after the car and soon, it lost among the numerous cars on the highway all racing to various destinations.