30 Pride Aside

Aminah.....,

The next morning I was awakened by Canon's small cries and the girls jumping on my bed. Wardell was watching with a longing look on his face. I rubbed the crust out of my eyes and looked up glaring at all of them. The girls were all smiley and happy causing my mood to lift immediately.

"Good Morning Mommy!" They yelled as loudly as they could and embraced me at the same time. How much more lively could they get?

"Alright girls, you woke her up now let her get ready." Wardell chuckled nervously hiding his face.

I didn't realize that I only had on a huge T-shirt and panties. His eyes were running over my body over and over. The blush on my face rised as I finally realized what he was staring so hard at. Canon tugged at my shirt, looking up at me helplessly since he had rolled on his stomach. Wardell awkwardly picked the girls up, holding them in each arm comfortably. I looked away slightly embarrassed even though he seen me naked more times then I could count.

"Come On lets give Mommy a moment." He set them down by the stairs and ushered them up before returning to grab Canon. And he managed to avoid eye contact the whole time.

"T-thanks." I sighed quietly. The red on his face rose as he shrugged and mumbled back.

"Don't mention it." We were both trying to be as normal as we could to the best of our abilities just to keep them happy.

A couple moments later, I found myself in the main kitchen preparing brunch for everyone. Ryan hummed along with me as I squeezed lemons into the homemade guava juice I was making. Riley was busy sitting at the island coloring in her color book while Canon fell sound asleep in the middle of watching me. Wardell walked by every now and then just to catch a glimpse of this little thing I had going on with the kiddies. I noticed the longing looks he continued to unintentionally throw and it made me miss when he was apart of this too. The sound of the oven took me right out of my thoughts.

"Mommy the biscuits are done." Ryan popped her head up and tugged on my apron in excitement.

"Okay you've got to back up so I can take them out. It's too hot for you." I smiled and kissed her forehead.

Ryan rolled her eyes playfully and took her place standing next to Riley. They both watched in awe as I slowly pulled the biscuits out. The smoke from the oven was light but the heat was super hot. Wardell walked by again distracting me and I took them out a lot faster. He popped his head up in the kitchen one more time looking around and I couldn't help but laugh.

"If you want some just wait with the girls, you don't have to walk by every second like a weirdo." I laughed. Riley and Ryan smirked at him along with me.

"My bad." He tried to hide his small smile and took a seat next to Riley.

All of the Curry's watched as I cooked, having a bunch of small interesting conversations. When every thing was done, my two little helpers assisted in putting everything out. We made Wardell's plate first, then Ryan's and Riley's. Lastly I made myself a plate and sat down. We all ate together like a normal family and i wanted to cherish this moment forever. After our meal as a family was done, Wardell leaned in toward me as I washed the dishes.

"Aye..., do you think I could talk with you when you have a moment?" I accidentally spilled water on myself in reaction to his rare gesture.

"S-sure...," I looked down nervously.

After binge watching a couple of Peppa Pig shows, the girls fell asleep by my side. I slowly removed myself from between the both of them and made my way outside. As I began to lock the door, Wardell leaned against the opposite wall and stared directly at me. We locked eyes for a long moment and sighed.

"Is this a good time?" He crossed his arms and looked down.

"I guess it's fine. Where's Canon?"

"Downstairs in the playpen."

"Oh alright, we can speak down there." I bit my lip anxiously. We took our sweet time making our way to the living room. Both dragging out feet simultaneously. None of us knew what to expect but it was nerve wrecking just being in each others space.

   Canon looked up at us as he kept on trying to roll over. Wardell smirked at him for a moment causing a huge goofy smile to appear on his little fat face. My eyes lit up at the sight of his adorable smile and I low key pranced around in excitement. It was just too cute how he reacted to his father and I loved every bit of it. He gestured toward the love seat and awkwardly cleared his throat. This was probably the weirdest thing I've ever been through .

"Ah would you sit already, you know I don't do well in these situations." Wardell looked away from me and sighed again.

"Sorry, it's just as weird for me too." I quickly sat down. He strutted his long legs to the other side of the love seat and slouched before finally making eye contact with me. I could feel my face turning red because for the first time in a long time, he refused to look away.

"I saw you." He groaned as he stared deeply into my eyes.

"Saw me?" I held my chest while it pounded.

"Saw you with those guys in the fast food place the other day. It's not that I don't expect these men to come at you, I just don't like it. You know?" He chuckled finally looking away before continuing.

"It's just that, I get possessive. Arguments or not, seeing you with those guys pissed me off and broke my heart even more then it did with Klay. I can't even be mad since I caused that situation. H-

"What do you mean, caused that situation?" I sat up a little straighter and stared directly at him, as he did me earlier.

"When I first met you, Klay wanted you before I did. We made a silly bet and the consequence of that bet was if we were to break up, he'd have a chance with you. I really didn't take him or the bet that serious until I seen him with you. It hurt." He licked his lips and looked down.

"I-I didn't mean for you to feel that way."

"It's not your fault, I knew what I was getting myself into. We weren't together at the time, so I shouldn't be mad But I'm possessive. I fell in love with you. I didn't want you with anyone but me, And I still don't."

"You say it isn't my fault but it is. I let him take advantage of my weak moment and it hurt you. I never meant to but that isn't even the worst of it." I sighed heavily. Wardell opened his mouth as if he was going to say something then turned away.

"I've done worst too, I just want us to be us again."

"Well then let's just take this back to where it all started. I feel like we're in so deep because of my lack of communication. It's not that I didn't want to tell you everything, it's just that it was never the right time. And I'm sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too, it was so frustrating for me and I kept taking it out on you. I shouldn't have done that after all the shit I kept putting on you. I was hurt and mad about the baby situation at the same time. You were so relieved about not being pregnant and I didn't know how to tell you without sounding selfish. Even then, I was still upset because you wouldn't tell me your feelings when all these problems started adding up."

"Honestly Wardell, I was relieved at first but then Canon came into the picture and my feelings were all stirred up. Every time I saw you with him I thought about how that could've been our baby. And when I hold him and play with him and even take care of him, I can't help but imagine what our little baby would've been like. Then I regretted my relief so much, it made me so sad that I didn't end up pregnant. As much as I tried to tell you how I felt, Ayesha was in the way and it made things worst. I couldn't really get a word in."

"I'm so sorry Aminah, It's all my fault, I really didn't want any of this to happen. I-

"It's not your fault, when I left with Tristan I made the first move. I didn't know how to handle my emotions and sex has always been my outlet. We ended up giving each other oral. I cheated first."

"It's not like we didn't make the same mistake, I fucked Ayesha." He looked away from me, and both of our eyes landed on Canon who was trying desperately to roll over again.

"But it's not fair to you, all I had to do was explain my feelings. Out of pure stubbornness and pettiness, I didn't. It made our whole situation even more shitty then it needed to be. For that, I couldn't be more sorry." I bowed my head as low as I could while the tears pricked at my eyes.

"I still love you so much, I just want to try again and make this right. First, we have to start with honesty. I'm going to admit everything I did to hurt you and Vice Versa, then we can focus on moving on." He placed his thumb on my chin and tilted my head up toward him.

"Okay, I'll star-

"No, let me get all of this off my chest. I've hurt you so much, not just with fucking all these random ass women. But mostly, with Ayesha and there's something important you need to know about that's been going on. S-Shes been threatening me and at the moment there's really nothing I can do about it. So just bare with me while I go through this please." Wardell closed his eyes as if he was tired of everything and just wanted to be near me.

"What's she doing that for?" I rose my voice getting pissed off at the situation he was in. He quickly put a finger to my lip, hushing me, and spoke.

"I can't speak on it yet, I just need some time to deal with her." He bit his lip pleading with his eyes for me not to carry on about it anymore.

"Fine, but is that why I've been seeing her around here and near you so much?" I mumbled feeling a bit relieved that there was nothing serious going on between the both of them.

"Yes, that's the only reason she's always near, I promise." He chuckled lightly still holding my chin up.

"I think we've done the same amount of bad juju shit. I only ended up having sex with Dean." I groaned not knowing how he'd react.

"Wait, Dean? The vice Principal at my daughters' school?" I nodded slowly a little nervous about what's to come.

Wardell slowly removed his hand from my chin and placed it on his own. For a moment, he stared into space and then he dropped his head into his hands. I slowly leaned back not knowing how to take his reaction. A moment later, he removed his hands from his face and started glaring at the floor. It went from a disappointed glare to a pissed off one. His eyes shifted slowly to mine and he sighed deeply.

"Of all the men in the world, you chose someone I know? Someone who I thought I could trust and I'm supposed to have a professional relationship with? What the fuck Aminah? I can forgive you for a mere fling with a fucking cavalier but my daughters' vice principal? I can't fucking forgive that!" He yelled even more pissed off then before, bewilderment and distraught evident in his eyes.

His words shot straight through me and I was speechless. I knew it would be an issue to mess with Dean but I didn't think it would be this serious. I placed my hands on my knees and slowly stood up. As I approached Wardell he started to back away from me. My eyes burned more the harder I tried to hold my tears back. I've never seen him this mad at me ever and my body began to tremble in fear of him not wanting to be around me anymore.

"P-please, just let me explain." I grabbed his hand and he shrugged me off immediately.

"Don't fucking touch me, Aminah." He groaned and started cracking his knuckles.

"Wardell...., l-let me explain...," I got closer to him and tugged on his shirt since his back was facing me. My hands were shaking even worst then before, the man was scaring me.

"Stay away from me right now before I say something I'll regret." His tone was harsh and cold.

Finally, I let the tears fall from my burning eyes. Him fucking Ayesha and a handful of more women hurt me worst then anything in this world ever could and this is the treatment I get for having sex with one man. I understand I was wrong for doing this with someone that works with his kids but what's done is done. I can't change the past. Suddenly, obscenities, threats, and insults were being spewed my way. I sat there and took everyone of his words to heart. I never imagined he'd be the one to reduce my already shattered heart into nothing.

"Just get the fuck out of my face, I can't right now." He groaned loudly ending his speech of insults before stomping his way up the stairs. After all these sorry's not one of them meant a thing.

_____________ 2 weeks later_____________

     After one step forward with Wardell, we were already back 10 steps after speaking. It was hard being around him more then before. The girls sensed the tension in the air everyday and it was hard to maneuver the way I used too. Every time I was in his part of the house I'd avoid him endlessly while he acted as if I didn't exist. My mere existence meant nothing to him anymore and I didn't know how to take that. It seemed better if I just left and we went back to not knowing one another.

   Riley and I sat at the kitchen island working on her spelling homework and the front door slammed shut. My heartbeat sped up realizing I missed my window of time to go away before he returned home. His heavy footsteps approached the living room first and I listened as he greeted Ryan and lowered his voice to keep from waking Canon. My body started to shiver at the idea of locking eyes with Wardell after such a long time. The smell of sweat and cologne filled my nose the way it did after he finished a game with his team. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen, just staring before walking toward Riley. I wanted to stand up and hug him, and just know how his day went at practice. But I could feel how much he hated me from a mile away.

"Hey Babygirl." I held my head down and sighed. It was more then enough knowing he hated me with a passion but I couldn't take the cold and distant way he ignored me everyday.

"Hi Daddy, how was practice?" Riley beamed excited to see her father after so long while I refused to look at them together. Their happiness only reminded me of what I caused myself to lose.

"It was okay baby, finish up your homework then we could talk more. Alright?" My hearing zoned in and out as they talked.

"Why won't you help me with Mommy like you used too?" My ears perked up and I could hear the sadness and pouting in her voice. I immediately looked up a moment too soon and Wardell and I looked at each other not knowing what to say.

"R-Riley baby, It's only like this because daddy has to go to practice. I-It'll be back to normal soon." I swallowed hard trying to find a way to comfort her.

"No! You're lying, you're always lying! You're always sad and daddy's always mean to you." She yelled before hopping off the seat and running away. I put my head down again and rested it in the palms of my hands, scared to look his way.

"I bet you've been making it obvious?" He groaned annoyed with me as always. I stayed quiet as tears unintentionally ran down my face.

"Stop acting fucking depressed and talk already." He raised his voice at me and I quickly stood up trying to scurry away without him seeing my face.

"I-I'm Sorry." I sniffled and began to walk away. Wardell chases after me into the foyer and pinned me against the wall.

"What the fuck? Since when have you become so emotional? Can't you hide your feelings a little more, the kids don't need to notice everything." He yelled. I dug my nails harder into my arms causing them to tear my skin and making me bleed.

"You don't have to worry about that any longer, I'll be out soon. I'm working on it." I whispered taking Wardell by surprise.

"O-Out Soon?" He stood there baffled and backing away from me in total confusion. This was my chance to go back to my part of the house without anymore confrontations.

   As I snuck away from him and back downstairs i could hear him hitting the walls with fists full of anger. I love him too much to cause any strain on his relationship with his children or to be the reason why he changes into somebody different. I couldn't be around him if that's the person I was turning him into. I have to go. It's the most I could do.