15 12| Clare

"You brought out the black lipstick, which is telling me something is wrong," Bella said, laying across my bed at home and flipping through a magazine. She had been ready an hour ago, but I had woken up from my nap late. Midterms had kept me up all week, and I had spent the whole day sleeping soundly, eating, and then more sleep. The only thing that had woken me up was Bella stomping into my room, fully dressed and with a face full of make-up, giving me an expression of pure disbelief. "But your mouth is not moving, with is deeply concerning. You also have gone a few days without talking about Luca, even more concerning."

I sighed, tossing another dress on the bed. I had no idea what to wear because I was supposed to wake up two hours ago and go back to my dorm, but to run back to school now and get something would put us near two hours late to a party that was bound to have a long line anyway. "Midterms," I lied, "have been my only concern this week."

Truth be told, I was feeling lost. The past few days hadn't been good to me. Ever since that demon attacked, and I was forced to make nice with Luca in front of Chloe, I hadn't spoken to him. I missed him, but I also alternated between being furious and being sad. Furious he had erased my memories and lied about it. Sad because I felt betrayed by him. How could he just erase my memories? And then continue to sit there and lie to me every day after? It was eating me up from the inside that he could do that to me.

"She's totally lying," Chloe said, flipping her own magazine. She had entered my room on Bella's heel, and neither of us had the heart to kick her out. She wanted to spend some time with us, hang with college kids and see what we did, what music we listened to, how we got dressed. "Luca has been texting her all week, and she's been leaving him on read."

I rolled my eyes. "Midterms," I repeated, since they hadn't gotten it the first time. I didn't want to talk about Luca, not before a party. I had gone the past four days trying to remove him from my thoughts, but he kept popping back up. Just this morning I had been able to go two hours without thinking about him. Every time I did think about him, a little knife put itself into my gut and twisted a tiny bit to the right.

Like now.

Bella gave Chloe a look. "Clare is a terrible liar. Do you know what happened?"

Chloe shook her head. "No. I assume you don't either?" She was still in her sweats from her meet, and she had a papaya smoothie in one hand and her Powerade in the other, courtesy of Holden. I noticed it was mostly empty, but she still had it close to her. Young love. She should enjoy it before something terrible happened, like Holden started lying to her and crushed her right after she fell in love with him.

Bella returned the head shake. "Not at all. A lover's quarrel?"

I sat down at my vanity, grabbing my eyebrow gel and brush. "I really don't want to talk about Luca right now." It was already starting to dampen my mood, which meant I would get irritated, and the party would no longer have any kind of appeal for me. I needed this party.

Usually, I ran away from people and isolated myself whenever I was upset. However, isolating myself meant more time to think about Luca. I didn't want to do that, so, instead, I had three parties planned for this weekend, and when I wasn't out, I was going to be sleeping or writing my book.

"So there is a problem!" Chloe announced. "When doesn't she want to talk about Luca?"

Okay, first of all, I never discussed Luca like that with her before. I had only mentioned him at dinner because Dad had saw him come in and talk to me. It sparked a conversation with my family teasing me about him, which also ended up with a private conversation between Chloe and me a few days later, in which she asked me to update her.

Bella agreed. "Exactly what I was thinking."

I ignored them both. I hadn't talked to him in a few days, choosing to ignore all the texts he sent me, as well sending his calls straight to voice mail. During that time, I had written two chapters and aced all my midterms. My book was starting to become a thing now, like a real thing. I hadn't started writing books until freshman year, and none of them were finished. I was proud of myself. It just sucked that the only person I wanted to tell about it, I was currently on the outs with.

"You know, those two are like perfect for each other, so if something is going wrong with them, I really don't have hope for my relationship," Chloe said, not sounding hopeless at all. It wasn't like she had a relationship, and even if her and Holden started dating, young, teen love didn't compare in the slightest to being an adult and being in love with a powerful, mind-reading and mind-controlling demon. Honestly, Chloe wouldn't even be able to go on dates until she was sixteen.

"Relationship?" Bella questioned.

Chloe shrugged. She didn't like Bella too much, although Bella adored my baby sister. "I mean, I'm single because guys my age suck."

"Guys at all ages suck," Bella said, laughing. "They suck, they're complicated, and they're annoying. They don't get much better when they're older either."

She groaned, covering her face with her hands. "There is this one guy, though. He's really sweet, and he buys me drinks after meets."

Bella arched an eyebrow. "Continue to extort him. Men are really only good for what they can psychically and financially provide for you." The thing was, Bella wasn't joking. She really, truly believed that, which was crazy since her parents had a damn near perfect relationship, in which they were still in the honeymoon phase.

I turned around, arching the eyebrow I had perfectly sculpted. "Don't listen to Bella. Holden is a sweetheart, and he makes you smile. Don't use him," I advised. "He might be your soulmate."

"Or," Bella disputed, "you're fourteen, and boys suck, so even if you do find your soulmate, he'll be crappy and will probably break your heart. Then he'll pop back up in your life in, like, eleven years, and you'll have a great relationship then. But for now, use. That. Boy."

Chloe frowned. "I can't use him. It'll break his heart."

"Better his than yours."

Finished with my other eyebrow, I turned around and gave Chloe a serious look. "Listen to me, don't let the chance of a heartbreak prevent you from dating, otherwise you'll never be in a relationship. Sure you can get your heartbroken, but you can also find your soulmate." I doubted Chloe would listen to Bella. At least, I hoped she wouldn't. Bella was not a good role model when it came to dating. Also, her advice to Chloe about using a sixteen year old boy was a little much. Holden, from what I knew of his family and what Chloe told me, would be really good for Chloe. Even if they didn't go the distance, he would make a good first boyfriend that posed minimal threat to breaking her heart.

Bella pretended to puke. "Love, schmove, kid. Get a lot of nice things and—"

Chloe cut her off. "I want a boyfriend, though, Bella. I want what Luca and Clare have."

I paused in applying my eyeshadow. I had gone for a green color to match the accent color of the dress. "And what do we have?" Because, at the moment, all I had was a few dozen missed calls and about a hundred text messages begging me to talk to him, along with a handful of heartbreak and some serious anger. This was not what she wanted in the slightest.

I knew he had charmed her, without even trying. He had bought us snowballs, sat with us outside of the place in three big green lawn chairs with his ankles crossed and a smile on his face. He answered all her questions, even the ones where she inquired about personal things. His answers were patient and clear, and even when she asked, "What do you want with my sister," he had the perfect answer. He looked over at me, blue eyes unguarded and pleading, and answered, Forever. As upset as I was, I couldn't not smile at him. It was the right answer, the one I had always wanted a guy to give me. It just wasn't the right time. I wanted running in the rain, a big explosion of love and feelings, running through a field. Not in front of my baby sister while we ate snowballs after a demon attack that only the two of us (and his brother) remembered.

"Love," Chloe answered. "You two are in love—don't make that face, Clare. I know you're upset with him right now, but you still love him."

Bella nodded. "Definitely, Clare-bear. It's stupid, but, you're deep in the Love."

"And how do you know this?" I demanded. I resigned myself to being upset tonight, since they were hell-bent on preparing for the party by talking about love and feelings. When I threw myself a pity party later, it would be their fault.

It was true, though. I had done the absolute worst thing possible and fallen in love with him. And when I had realized it, only moments before falling asleep last night, it had all but destroyed the last little bit of hope I had for receiving my "perfect guy" love story. This wouldn't even work out in the long run because Luca was immortal. My life with him would be fleeting at best. I also couldn't put my family in danger. That guy had came for me, but he could've easily attacked Chloe, too, since she was there. Still, even the thought of him sent a feeling I couldn't describe through me. It was illogical and doomed to end horribly, yet I loved him.

She shrugged. "I can tell because you're mad with him, but you still look at him like he personally goes outside every morning and pulls the sky up for you and you alone. He's like your Atlas."

I frowned. "My who?" My world? My map?

"Atlas—the Greek god who puts the sun in the sky, right?"

I shook my head. "No, you're either thinking of Helios, who was a minor deity but god of the sun. Or Apollo, who is more often associated with it, but he's also known as the god of music, truth, and more. Neither one of the technically puts the sun in the sky, though."

Rolling her eyes, Chloe waved off my explanation. "Why do you know this?"

I had to write a short story about it once during sophomore year. We were assigned a culture and told to write a nonfiction short story about them, and I received Greek culture, so I was looking things up, came across the gods and goddesses, and decided to do a story about them. "Atlas wasn't a god, not really. He was a Titan, and when they were defeated, Zeus punished him to holding the Earth on his shoulders instead of sending him to Tartarus with the rest of the Titans," I finished instead of answering her question.

"Honestly, Clare, I don't care, and I know you're trying to distract me, but we're going to have this discussion." She gave me her best 'Mom' look.

"I think it's important you know your Greek mythology if you're goin' to—"

"Oh, hush," she fussed, stuffing some more granola into her mouth. "You don't care how much I know about Greek mythology."

"You're my little sister, and you're following in my footsteps. I have a reputation to protect."

"You wanted to hang out with a fourteen year old girl."

"I told you, I wanted to bond since I'm leaving next year."

"'Bond.'" She put up air quotations, laughing. "Anyway, my point was that you look at him like he's Helium or whatever the guy's name was; and Luca looks at you like you're the universe. The moon, the stars, the planets and wormholes, all of it."

There was no way Chloe was this dense. I was sure she meant black holes. Tell Mom to make sure Chloe is studying enough, I thought, shaking my head internally. Maybe she had backflipped onto her head one too many times.

Across the room, Bella met my eyes with an amused expression and concern in her eyes. I sighed, deciding not to correct Chloe. I hoped this didn't come up in conversation with anyone else.

"Well," I said, "he doesn't treat me like it."

Bella groaned. "Jesus, is love all about pity parties? This is only fueling my desire to change boyfriends every other week and live alone with my Siberian Husky in a one-story home in Minnesota." She closed her magazine. "You're already talking about it, so just spit it out: what did he do?"

Chloe mouthed, <i>Minnesota?</i>

I shrugged. I didn't get the appeal either. Bella didn't want to move to Minneapolis either, but some small town with less than a thousand people. She had never explained herself either, and we all just went with it. "He lied to me," I answered, searching for my eyeliner. "Wingtip or nah?"

"With that dress, I would say yes," Chloe said, stroking the dark green, skin tight dress I had chosen for tonight with adoration in her eyes. "But you're not going clubbing, you're going to a college party, so don't show out too much. You've seen these people before."

She made a fair point. I forewent the eyeliner.

Bella sighed, sitting up. She was wearing a tight black dress, a pair of chunky blood red heels, and her hair was in a slick ponytail. She had decided on minimal make-up, just eyeliner and mascara and lip gloss. "Pray tell, what did he lie about? Another girlfriend? A wife?" she asked, trying to steer the conversation back to me. "You made a good point about the eyeliner, though, Chloe."

Chloe beamed. "Thanks." Chloe also had an eye for fashion. Honestly, I was the only one who didn't. I tried, but it just wasn't for me.

How did I explain what he lied to me about? "Something important." It was a vague, but they wouldn't believe my actual explanation. Or worse, they would believe it, and I would bring them into this mess. Chloe needed to focus on gymnastics and Holden, being a teenager while she still could. Bella just didn't need to be involved. She would think it was cool, and do something crazy like try to date an actual demon.

Bella rolled her eyes. "More specific please."

"It's not my secret to tell." I blinked in the mirror. Flawless. I had mastered simple eyeshadow looks. Bella bested me in blending and cut creases and the rest. "He betrayed me."

Chloe looked shocked. "Are you being dramatic? I can't picture Luca betraying you, Clare. Whatever he did, he had to have a good reason," she protested. " He loves you."

Bella laughed. "He never even asked Clare to be his girlfriend. He doesn't love her. How someone looks is not a good measure for how they feel about them. I look at French fries and donuts with affection."

The knife went deeper into my gut. Chloe's words had added a soothing balm to my wounds. I wanted Luca to love me, to look at me like I was special. Bella's words had made me feel like I hd been hit in the gut with a hammer. Everything she said was true—if he loved me, he would've made me his girlfriend. He would've said it.

Chloe turned, giving a sharp look. "Who hurt you, Bella?" she snapped. Turning to me, Chloe worked to remove the knife from my gut. Her lips pursed and her eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sure he had a good reason. Luca wouldn't just lie to you. He loves you, and I know it.."

No, he would lie to me and erase my memories in the process. "You'll understand when you're older, Chloe. It's not that simple." Hopefully, she would never understand this. Hopefully, the guy she loved wouldn't lie to her about anything. I didn't want her to feel this sort of betrayal.

The look she gave me in return was sharp. "Everyone assumes because I'm young, I don't get what love is, but you know who has the most miserable relationships? Adults," she fussed, her expression dark. "Somewhere between our teenage hope and marriage, we forget that love isn't perfect because it's between two people, and God knows people aren't perfect. I don't know what happens, but—"

"Heartbreak is what happens, kid," Bella told her, a wild smile on her face. I was the designated driver, so she had started drinking as soon as she got here, taking swigs of whiskey from her glittery flask every few minutes. "We get our heart broken around sixteen, seventeen, and it shapes the way we view love the rest of our lives."

Bella took her flash out and took a long drink.

Chloe glared at her. "Bella, stop. You can't base your experiences with guys on what Luca and Clare have." My little sister was adamant about this, and I couldn't figure out why, for the life in me. I knew he had been nice to her, made her laugh, and had charmed his way into her heart, but she seemed so invested in it, more so than she was about anything else in my life.

"What experiences? Nobody has ever broken my heart," Bella told her, putting the flashback in her purse. "And no one ever will."

Of course, that was a complete lie, but that was also Bella's story to tell, her first and only heartbreak. The reason she switched guys so much. Even I didn't know the whole story, and I was sure I never would. All I remembered was one day sophomore year of high school I came home, and Bella's parents were at the house waiting for me. Apparently, instead of having the flu for a week, Bella had been locked in her room, refusing to come out and eat, just sleeping and crying. I went there, got her to open the door, and let her cry on my shoulder. The next day, she came to school and started the Reign of Isabella. She never discussed who he was, or what he had done. We never brought it up again.

I decided to intervene because I could see Chloe's nostrils flaring, which was a sign she was about to snap. "Bella is just being a realist about my relationship, or lack thereof, with Luca, Chloe. She's not being negative about it. Just honest."

"Thank you," Bella said, a goofy grin on her face. Definitely drunk.

Chloe huffed. "It sounds really negative to me."

I gave her a gentle smile. "I know. Bella, Chloe is trying to tell you that not everything is so black and white. There's a gray area in life—and love. She just wants you to believe in it."

Bella scoffed.

Chloe shook her head. "I honestly don't care what Bella believes in, I just want you to listen," she pleaded. "Give him another chance, Clare. Please."

Bella looked utterly disgusted. "Why is this so important to you, kid? What does it matter? There are plenty—"

"Clare, listen to me. Sometimes love hands you lemons—but other times it's gonna give you water and sugar so you can make lemonade out of it. Now imagine if you hadn't have gotten the lemons. You would just have sugar water, and there's no fun in that!" Chloe's voice broke, and I saw tears well up in her eyes.

Whoa.

"Hey, Bella, can you give us a minute alone?" I asked, to which my best friend stood up and left without another word, humming to herself and looking as if there was nothing in the world that would ever bother her. When the door closed behind her, I sat next to Chloe on my bed. "What's this about, Chloe?"

She didn't look at me, and I saw this tear fall down her cheek. "It's silly," she murmured.

I put my arm around her shoulder, resting my cheek on the top of her head. "When I was little, I used to have really bad dreams, and I would wake up scared and crying. Mama would come in, give me some hot chocolate and talk me out of it. The first time it happened, I told her I didn't want to explain it because it was silly, and she told me, 'Anything that makes you feel strongly isn't silly at all.'" I gave her shoulder a squeeze. "So lay it on me."

Chloe took a deep breath. "I had this bad dream, and it felt really real, you know? But I dreamed you broke up with Luca, and he left you alone as you told him to, but then you were killed by this…this… this monster. It stabbed you in the heart, and Luca was too late to save you, but he told me at the funeral, 'It's my fault, Chloe. I left her alone instead of telling her I loved her.'

"And I know it's just a stupid dream, but it felt so real, Clare." She was crying openly now, not loudly, but two streams of tears wetting her cheeks. "I know you probably won't die, not physically, but maybe it's symbolism that if you two don't makeup, something else will happen. I don't—it's silly."

My blood turned to ice.

A dream that felt really real. When I had one, I was introduced to Mother, who, in fact, was really real. It was on par with the other dream, too—the one where she told me I needed Luca in order to survive. The stabbing me in the heart? That guy today—he was aiming for the heart with a knife. Luca was across the street. If whatever hadn't stopped him, then Luca would've been too late. All because I had ignored his texts.

I exhaled shakily. "It's not silly or stupid." It was real, and maybe Mother was getting into Chloe's head, too. It was also possible Chloe had some sort of strong intuition. Maybe it was a coincidence. A divine message from God to Chloe to pass on to me. Whatever it was, it aligned perfectly with what was going on with my life. I had to forgive Luca. For my life. "You know that analogy you just made—about the lemonade?"

She nodded, finally turning to me. Her eyes were wide but tearless.

"Can I use it in my book?" I went for lighthearted. I had to make her feel better. I couldn't shake the fear inside of me, but she didn't know about any of this. She could be innocent longer, safe.

I had to talk to Luca. There had to be a reason he did. Had to be. I didn't know what it was, or why, but I knew it had to be good. Tomorrow, after I woke up, I would call him. Luca wouldn't ignore me, I knew he wouldn't.

Chloe giggled. ���Yeah, sure. As long as you promise to use it in your life, too."

Smiling back at her, I wrapped my other arm around her for a hug. "I love you, Chloe." I didn't say it often enough. In fact, the last time I had told her was when she was eight, in the hospital after a car accident that required a blood transfusion and left a scar on her torso.

She released me, standing. "You didn't promise, but I love you, too." She headed out of my room, but then paused at the door. "And, Clare?"

"Yeah?"

"If you do die, can I have that dress you're wearing tonight?"

I threw a pillow at her.

This was a mistake.

Sani and Lucille, two friends of mine from class, grabbed my hands and lifted them in the air, singing to me at the top of their lungs. The club was packed. This was some kind of post-midterm party, and everybody was de-stressing, which meant more than four hundred drunk college students packing one place that barely had enough room to fit us all. Everyone was having fun—except me and the bartender, although his reason for not having fun was the countless students coming up to the bar to yell drink orders at him. The line was long when I got in here, and it just kept getting longer.

I, on the other hand, was not having fun because I felt out of place.

"Dance, Clare!" Sani yelled, her blonde hair whipping me in the face as she tossed her head from side to side to whatever pop song was on. She released me to throw her hands into the air, almost hitting me in the process.

Lucille giggled. "Yeah, Clare, dance! You look like this party sucks!" she yelled, throwing her arms around me and moving me from side to side. Her grip was tight, and I had no choice but to move with her.

Any other time, and I would've smiled and danced along with her, but Chloe's dream had shattered the fragile cover I had kept on my emotions. Mother could not visit Chloe again. She had too much innocence, too many good things going on for her to be afraid of a dream.

It was my own stupid fault, too. I had decided to freeze out Luca, so someone had to intervene and send her a dream because they knew I wouldn't listen to my own self. I would rationalize it—say I was reflecting my feelings into a dream, and I didn't need to apologize to Luca because it wouldn't make a difference. It was just a stupid dream.

About fifteen minutes into the party, Bella had left me to go meet with some of her sorority sisters, and then go dancing with some cute guys. She was put out with me because I wouldn't share Luca's secret with her, and then she was upset because I had chosen Chloe's side over hers, which wasn't the case. If she had been sober, she would've understood that, but drunk Bella always thought someone was against her.

Luckily, I had found Sani and Lucille, who, thanks to being drunk and much more fun than their usual, nerdy always muttering about physics and rocket science, were amusing me. Despite them forcing me to dance, it was better than being left alone at the bar to be bothered by drunk guys.

Sani rolled her hips, reaching out behind me and grabbing a guy, pulling him close to her. He smiled down at her, moving with her. Lucille made a face at me, wiggling her eyebrows. "Want to get a drink?" she asked, grabbing my hand and dragging me through the crowd, not giving me a chance to answer.

I looked around for Bella. She was still dancing about ten feet away. She was safe, grinning, and drunk. She had the eye of more than a few guys around her. Good. She needed the attention, and I couldn't coddle her tonight. No, I needed to think about everything that was going on. I needed to get myself together before I talked to Luca.

We ended up in the line for the bar, and Lucille started talking to this guy. I motioned that I was going to fall back against the wall, and she nodded, but she was already twirling her dark hair around her finger, smiling up at him.

Before Luca, I would've been right there with them, sometimes drunk, sometimes sober, but still enjoying the attention. I could flirt with the best of them, dance my ass off, but nothing about these guys appealed to me anymore. Even the guys that had slid behind me as I danced, as cute as they were, received nothing from me. I couldn't stomach it to dance with them, not when I had Luca waiting for me.

Scanning the crowd, I saw a room full of people enjoying themselves, and it didn't feel right. My life was a mess. Demons were after me. I was in danger. My cousin was in danger. My little sister was involved. I didn't even have the guy I wanted anymore, and even if I did get him back, I didn't know if I could trust him. How could I love someone who had erased my memories? How, even now, did I want nothing but for him to appear, despite knowing what he did to me? I blamed Chloe and her talk of lemonade and love. Life had handed me lemons and nothing else.

No, that's not true.

The thought was my own, but it was a soft protest. A gentle nudge as memories flooded me, ones he hadn't erased. Us laughing. How he seemed to just get me. The feeling I got around him, which was utter perfection. It was the feeling that people wrote books about. I saw his blue eyes on mine, his lips quirked into a smile. His hand on my waist, holding me steady in a crowd. I pictured us at the art museum, laughing at works and deciphering them in completely opposite ways.

��You look like you're a million miles away."

The voice came from my left, and I barely heard it. Turning my head, I saw a guy standing against the wall, smoking a blunt. He blew the smoke out, a blank expression on his face. I gave him a small smile, fake laughing.

It didn't deter him, though. He got off the wall and moved closer to me. "You havin' fun, sweetie?" he asked.

The song changed, getting louder as someone yelled on the mic, "Let's turn this shit up!"

I thought that would've deterred the boy, but it didn't. "I've been watchin' you for the past thirty minutes. You're really beautiful," he yelled.

Ew. It wasn't that he was ugly, I just wanted to be left alone. "Thanks," I said drily, looking for an escape. Lucille was still standing at the bar with the guy. People were going around them, and neither of them had noticed they were up next.

The guy followed my gaze. "That's my boy over there talkin' to your friend. Maybe we—" The rest of his sentence was swallowed by the music.

I just smiled, now looking for Sani. She had disappeared completely. I didn't feel like seeking out Bella. I just wanted to go.

"Say, do you have a boyfriend?" the guy asked, his mouth now by my ear.

No. I moved away from him, not caring that I looked rude. "Yes," I lied, giving him a distant smile. I wouldn't have gone for him, even pre-Luca. Looking at him now, though, it disgusted me.. "Can you tell my friends that I left early? I don't feel so good."

He offered to give me a ride, but I was already walking away, heading toward the exit. I had to get out of here, go back home away from this party. I wanted to be alone. Everything was becoming overwhelming, and I hadn't had time to process any of it. Distracting myself had been a terrible idea.

I felt hands grab at me, but I shied away. I brushed past strangers smiling at me. The music was loud, and outside of the club, I could feel the bass in the walls. The people looked distorted, and I realized it was because my eyes were blurry with unshed tears. I walked away from them, teetering down the block to where I was parked. Pulling my keys from my bra, I made a sharp right, seeing my black car parked at the end of the street.

The sky was dark. The air was stifling. It was so hot.

I could've died a few days ago. I could die in a few days.

Who said Mother wouldn't turn on me? If it proved easier to kill me, she would do it in a heartbeat. She didn't care about me. I took in a shuddery breath, closing my eyes. Tears squeezed out of them.

Okay, Clare, get it together. You can cry at home. Or in my dorm room. Bella wouldn't be back home for another two hours at least. I just needed to breathe and hold it together for a few minutes until I get back to my dorm. My parents didn't expect me back tonight anyway.

Holding it together was a lot easier in theory.

Tilting my head up, I looked at the sky. God, I know we don't talk often, just at Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter, or when I need an 'A,' on my test, but I need Your help. Please, send me a sign—any sign that this'll be okay.

It was stupid, praying to God now.

I waited a few seconds. Nothing. He had abandoned me. I shuddered, wrapping my arms around myself. "I don't want to die," I whispered, crying openly. No one was around, and the party was in full swing. Anybody who was coming was already there. I was alone, and if I got attacked right now, I would die alone in a tight dress and heels, not even looking or feeling like myself.

"Clare?"

The voice was worried. Familiar. Deep. Perfect. I tried to muster up a smile, but I couldn't. "How did you find me?" I asked, looking up into his face.

Luca walked closer tentatively like he was afraid I would send him back. I didn't have the heart to do it or the will. "Just a feeling," he replied vaguely. He stuck his hand out, and I took it without hesitation. He pulled me up easily, folding me into his arms. "Clare, I—I thought I was protecting you—and myself."

He didn't need to tell me why. "Later," I sniffled. I couldn't hear it now, didn't want to hear the explanation.

He let me go, kissing me on the forehead. "Fine." He paused, holding me at arm's length. "Listen to me, you won't die, Clare. I won't allow it."

I couldn't stop it, he couldn't stop me. "You can't promise that."

He nodded. "I can. I'll do anything for someone I love, and I love you, Clare."