1 I love you, Forever.
"Darling, I'll be fine." She faintly muttered, weakly smiling on the hospital bed.
"O-Of course you will be, I'll be right here waiting for you, with your favorite banana milk Minji-ah." Kang Hoon managed to force out with a choked voice.
He finally let go of her small withered hand that was tightly grasped in my palm.
She chuckled, showing off her creased wrinkles on behind her eyes and cheeks and waved goodbye while being dragged into the operating room along with the few nurses.
As I watched her slowly getting pushed away, I didn't want to believe the feeling inside me; the wretched feeling that this could be the last time that I see her sweet face, smiling back at me without a care in the world.
It felt as if the world suddenly lost all its colors; monotone, plain, without meaning.
The doctor said that even with surgery, he wasn't optimistic, since a large cancer tumor was already formed in her brain; the surgeries success was close to nil.
Despite all his pleading and cries, Minji still wanted to try the surgery, even though the chances weren't great.
Kang hoon dragged his old aged body that has been grow weary over the years up towards rooftop of the hospital to get some fresh air from the suffocating feeling.
Lighting up all my cigarettes one after another, trying to calm myself down, he anxiously prayed and prayed that everything will be OK.
Wishing, that somehow this would all be over in just a few hours.
That he would be able to once again wake up to the face he knows and loves with drool smeared on her face, peacefully sleeping in his arms.
That they would be able to mess around while getting ready in the bathroom every morning, whilst washing each other's hair.
That they would be able to hold each other's hands while strolling around wherever the wind takes them every weekend.
That during winter nights, they would still snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, with the heater facing their feet, writing silly and spontaneous stories to add to the collection.
That when he finally arrived home after a rough day at the menial office job, she would always be there, managing to put a smile back on his face.
"That I could every day, see how beautiful she is as we grew old together, supporting each other, fighting against the world..."
Tears that slide down my face as he clutched on the railing with wrinkled hands, holding tightly; venting all the frustration and anger pent up in this messed up situation.
Staring up at the grey gloomy sky, the breeze brushed past his face.
Kang hoon wanted to scream and shout, at all the injustices of this world, why would they would fall upon her.
He started to regret.
That feeling started to seep into the skin, bones, his very being, ghastly haunting thoughts in his mind.
"THAT I-" I shouted on the top of my lungs, falling to his knees breaking down.
"That I could've noticed it sooner!"
"That I wished I could've given you more of the life I promised you…"
"Please, please don't leave me alone…"
The operation was not successful, and Jung Min-ji did not make it, passing away at the age of 41 that next morning.
** A week later **
'Ding Dong' I heard the doorbell ring.
Making my way through all the bottles of soju and beer spread across the floor and half eaten takeaway boxes, I held the urge to throw up, and opened the door.
There was a delivery man holding a package in his arm, looking at the delivery notice, seeming to make sure it's the right house.
"Is this the right house? I have a package for a Mrs. Jung Min-ji?" He asked, as he looked at me weirdly. Well, I couldn't blame him, I probably look like a haggard old fart, and the constant dependence alcohol didn't really help.
"Ah yes, that is my wife…" I forced myself to mutter, the stench of booze reeking out.
"Oh, could you sign here for me?" The deliveryman didn't really care either way, but thought it was strange since the package was requested to be held for a week.
'Well, old people have their own problems' he thought, letting his mind drift off to the sit com drama scenarios he's seen.
As I brought in the package, and opened it, it showed a USB, with a note tapped onto it and a letter.
Confused, I opened the note, and saw a familiar style of handwriting I've grown accustomed to reading throughout the years.
'Darling, plug the USB in first!' with a small heart at the end.
I couldn't help but grimace; almost seeing and hearing what way she would've written it; with a cheeky grin on her face.
Opening the old laptop and plugging the USB in, the only thing in the drive was a video file, labelled 'Open me!'.
It reminded me of her feisty personality she always carried herself with, no matter the circumstance.
The video started, showing her in a plain white hospital gown, sitting calmly in an empty room facing the camera. She looked just the same as always, beautiful and charming.
"Is this thing on?" Min-ji asked with a questioning face towards someone outside the frame.
'Minji-ah? When did she record this?' I was startled, not sure what I was seeing.
"It should be, I'll give you some space auntie." A young female voice sounded out.
'Probably the nurse? Minji was never good at computers' I figured.
"Thank you dear, I'll just be a moment" She smiled as I heard the door closing.
Min-ji gently closed her eyes while facing the camera.
---
As I closed my eyes, all the memories started to flow through my mind; Memories that started with nothing but strangers passing by each other.
Memories that lead to meeting, misunderstanding, fighting, making up with each other…
'reconciling, crying, helping, hating and loving.'
"Growing old with each other…" I muttered under my breath.
I could feel myself starting to reminisce all the moments in which I grew with him in life, side by side.
My heart grew heavy, knowing that time was about to arrive soon, time where I have to say goodbye and leave him early.
That very thought alone was haunting, making me want to believe that this was all a dream.
I wouldn't be there for him anymore soon. This surgery, I myself knew that I had a very slim chance to make it. However, I can only hope for a miracle to happen.
'Time to let go, so that he could too, do the same. '
'I Hope that he will, eventually be able to move on, and still live happily.'
As tears started to trickle down my face, I smiled, and opened my eyes, staring deep into the camera; a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders, no longer fearing the end.
"Until now."
---
"-until now." She whispered lightly.
My weary eyes were watching her through the screen from the moment she appeared.
I saw her reddening eyes, shuddering shoulders and couldn't help but start to feel the sadness well up inside me, seeing the small clear drops running down her face.
"Minji-ah, don't cry" I muttered to her, gently caressing my fingers across her on the screen.
Even though I knew it wouldn't change anything, my heart still ached seeing her like this; weak and fragile like a porcelain vase on the verge of shattering with just a slight touch.
Her shaking stopped and opened her eyes that were red, running with tears.
With a tender smile, she looked directly at me.
"Oppa" Minji said lovingly and wiped the tears off her face.
"My Darling Hoonie, are you surprised? You probably didn't guess I would do something like this would you?" She chucked.
"I know you love it when I called you oppa, even though I'm slightly older than you, hehe."
"Well, I'm probably gone by now, so I bet you'd be weeping and crying like the little wimp you always are right?"
"You better stop that, you hear? Or else I would- hwak" She raised her hand into a fist towards the screen.
"Ahem I can't hit you anymore huh? Are you happy now? Finally, free from all the beatings."
She slowly lowered her fist and tried to force a smile.
"Oppa."
"Do you remember the first time we met? I can still recall it even now, not that it was anything special."
"But thinking about it now, if that never happened, I would've never met the love of my life, would I?"
"The point I want to say is that you've made me a really, really, really happy woman. You gave me everything I could ever ask for;
"A friend who was always listens to me when I'm angry or sad"
"A boyfriend who would bring a smile to my face whenever possible..."
"And a loving husband who has been by my side, even in the bad times."
Minji's tears continued to flowed out and her smile started to crack, breaking down on screen into a mess, trying to hold herself up.
"So-, So Darling. Don't feel sorry or regret what you have given for me. I know what type of person you are, so please don't be sad."
"E-Even if I am not here with you anymore, I want you to know that-"
"You've made your Minji the happiest woman in the world."
With puffed eyes still staring directly at me, I wondered why I never noticed that even when she is no longer here, I could feel her care and warmth washing over me.
"That's why it's time to for me to say goodbye first."
"I'll be watching over you from up here, so don't you dare go messing around with anybody, especially that wench from downstairs."
"Do you remember our bucket list we wrote when we were young? We never got to finish the last few, so I'll put it inside along with this. You better finish it off, or I'll haunt you forever!" She threatened.
She had an adorable snarl on her face, even though her was already so old.
'Pft, she still has the time to joke around'
I laughed to myself at how youthful she always was despite age catching up to us over the years.
"Oppa, this is goodbye and…"
her voice was already hoarse and slowed down, like she didn't want me to mishear anything.
Putting on her best smile that she could, she said.
"I love you. Forever."
---
The video finally ended, but I could still see her last smiling face on the black screen, staring right at me.
I don't know how long I've been sitting there staring into her, engraving her last words into me, and I could finally let the sorrow and anguish I've felt this past week behind me.
"Minji-ah, I also love you, Forever." I muttered, as I finally let her go, and smiled.
I got myself up and started to clean around the house; throwing all the empty cans, cigarette buds, left over scraps and wiped the whole house clean.
It was already in the middle of the night when everything was sparkling clean, and as I was wiping clean the frame of Minji's face and setting it up on the altar, I set put her favorite banana milk next to it.
I put my hands together, and silently prayed for her as I sat in front of her, wishing she was somewhere out there, still being her silly self.
'Phew, guess it's time to clean myself up too.'
I headed for the shower but, stopped when I remembered Minji also left a letter behind with the package.
Picking it up from the coffee table and carefully opening it up, it listed all the 99 things we've wrote and ticked off along the years.
'Hm? Why is does it seem like there are a few more?'
I noticed a few have been added towards the bottom, along with a few we never got to do;
99. Make a movie together.
'Ah, this brings back memories.'
We would always be writing stories and act out scripts for fun around the house in our pastime. During our youth, we both wanted to be a acting and directing duo, and our final goal was to eventually turn one into a movie.
"Guess I can't really do this one anymore, Minji-ah" I smiled as I glanced at the bookshelf full of notebooks. It was full of memories that accumulated over the years together, in this very place.
Gazing around the room, I could see silhouettes of the two of us, reading, writing, talking, and laughing together.
'Don't worry Minji-ah I'll definitely take care of everything.'
**
100. Jung Kang Hoon must make sure to write a diary about his life everyday addressed to Jung Minji .
101. Jung Kang Hoon must always buy Jung Minji banana milk whenever he is outside the house.
102. Jung Kang Hoon must always make sure to visit our favorite spot every year. (P.S You know where that is)
103. Jung Kang Hoon must not cry but instead smile whenever he thinks of Jung Minji.
104. Jung Kang Hoon must try to fulfill all his dreams.
105. Jung Kang Hoon must be happy without any more regrets.
**
'She's still looking after me, even, now isn't she?'
Kang Hoon started to feel melancholic as he stared at the last few 'Missions', unreasonable as they were.
"Oh well, what can I do when I have such a headstrong wife" He laughed and decided to paste the list on the wall of his bedside.
"This way, I can still somehow wake up to you." Being finally satisfied, he left to the shower, and washing up to get ready for bed.
Soaking myself inside the tub, I contemplated what to do from now on.
"Maybe I should quit work? Well I can figure that out tomorrow."
While getting into the big bed alone, the feeling of loneliness sprung up without the usual warmth it had.
The night was filled with the sound of silence, the room was cold; the only thing I could hear was the slight midnight breeze flowing to the room.
"Minji-ah, it'll be hard but I'll try my best from tomorrow onward's."
"Don't worry about me and rest easy, I won't disappoint you anymore…"
He muttered, falling asleep whilst hugging the pillow with her familiar scent.
The list hanging on the wall started shimmering with a vibrant golden light, illuminating the room.
