1 Prolog

I wonder.

Why the lives that people go through are so different. They all walked different paths, through different suffering, and happiness ...

Someone once said that God is almighty.

God is all-loving, all compassionate, all-forgiving, all FAIR.

Is that true?

I asked where is the fair located?

Humans are born into this world under different conditions. Some are born with happiness in a prosperous family, some are born with a predetermined future from birth because they are the children of famous and influential people.

But there are also those who are born with suffering in their lives. Those who are sick, disabled, born into poor families, victims of war, struggling to sob as their homeland is burned by the war that continues to claim casualties.

I concluded, life is cruel.

On the one hand, the person is happy, behind the other window you can see people suffer and die without even enjoying the beauty of their life.

This is a question that I have been keeping quiet about all this time.

Why was I born with this suffering? Why am I different from the rest of them?

The word "Normal" doesn't suit me.

I received no love from my parents, I didn't know them, I didn't have friends. There is only pure white.

Meanwhile, from the book I read, it tells aloud how a child is born happy and is loved by their parents. Enjoying their youth and so on. On the other hand, a child could only sit silently in their wheelchair.

If God is just and merciful. So why would he allow one person to suffer until they died while the other felt happiness that no one else could? What sin made them bear their burdens like that?

Religion explains that suffering is born from moral incompatibility, sin, and actions that can lead us to holes called crimes and contrary to religion. But, what sins did these babies bring to die of hunger without knowing what?

Saying suffering is a consequence of Adam's original sin only adds to the confusion. Reason tells us that if the suffering of babies is the result of Adam's original sin, all babies must suffer the same way. But suffering is shared selectively and unequally. After all, as Mark Twain said, what kind of God chooses to punish children "throughout the ages to the end of the age for the transgressions of others"?

I'm confused, and feeling sad. I don't know what kind of face I'm making right now.

Therefore, I threw away the word fair in myself and continued moving forward.

Shackled in agony and all the philosophical questions in the depths of my heart, I kept moving forward, crawling from the abyss of this hell.

My first year went to high school.

This thought began to reappear after seeing the news about the war that had occurred in the east there, on the television bus carrying passengers in the Metropolitan High School uniform to their destination.

I saw the children who were thin as branches and lacking nutrition, I felt as if we were sharing the same suffering.

Closing my eyes for a moment, while feeling the bus vibrating every time it crosses the bumpy road.

Waiting for what kind of future is in front of me.