1 My father's wishes

Ever since I was young, I remembered my father and my uncle as my only family. My uncle due to unemployment, went far-far away and became a producer for pop idols. In my kindergarten years, I could wake up in a cold sweat, in the middle of the night crying, filling uneasy since something was missing. I was left with a void. One day was different. After a while of whimpering and a few sniffles, I manage to comfort my dad.

"Where's mum?" I asked, "But other children have a mummy! Why do I not have one?"

"Oh come on child," my father said with his warm voice, "well, my daughter it's a long story but I tell you this; your mum abandoned us and we have to move on and forget our past." he said with a fake smile. He tried his best to hide me the reason why mum and dad got divorced. And he always put a fake smile on his face so, that I didn't have any negative thoughts about mum.

So, ever since then until now, I've bee, my father's biggest wish to have a son; that means to live my life as a boy and hide my true identity. My dad had my hair cut in typical boy haircuts from a very young age.

When I was in elementary school I was very athletic. My favorite sport was football and I must admit it, I was one of the best players.

Furthermore, he used to dress me up with boyish clothes and encouraged me unconsciously to adopt a more "masculine" personality.

After I was shaped to live as a boy, my dad could enroll me to many after school activities, such as boxing and martial arts. You see he transformed me to the son he never had. Therefore, I was prohibited from stereotypical girl activities. I even gained a black belt in karate and I participated in many competitions. When I won the first place in judo, he smiled in front of all the people and told them; "This is my son Avery!" At that time I felt that dad was proud for having a son like me, and I was happy to see him proud.

But my father's attitude changed one day. At the midnight, he opened the kitchen's door and he was screaming to me; "Avery, where are you, my child...?" I heard his deep sad voice. I went to see him quickly and I hugged him.

"What's happened? What's wrong?" I asked anxiously. His breath was smelling alcohol. It was the first day that I saw him that way. "Are you drunk?" I asked him again.

"No, I am not, my child. You know you are a girl after all, and I dressed you as a boy all this years..." He said sadly.

"Did you have a bad day, dad?" I asked him.

"How can you tell, my son?" He said confused.

"Are you drunk dad? 'Cause you never felt guilt about me....Well, if you can't control the alcohol, why are you drinking it then?" I said to him while I was staring at him.

"I lost Avery...I lost!" He managed to said while I was putting him in the chair to sit.

"What did you lose dad? I guess it's not me..!" I said to make him laugh a little to soften his pain.

"...my job! I am a good for nothing...! I'm such a useless father!" He managed to say through his anguish. "Save me, Avery! Save me!" He added.

"Ah...! You're hopeless..! You are not useless! You can find another job outside our village and maybe I can find one as well!" I said that to encourage him. How drunk is he! He couldn't think even of that simple solution!

"No! I don't want to live my birthplace! And I won't accept you leaving you either!" He started shouting to me. I've never seen him like that.

"OK, OK dad. I won't leave." I said to him to calm him down a little.

But, I lied. When he slept, I left the house leaving beside me a letter to my dad, on the table near the chair where he was sitting.

"Dear dad,

By the time you're reading my letter I'll probably be far away from the home to find a job in order to help with our financial difficulties. Don't worry dad, I grew up. I am 16 years old now. Don't cry. I'll let you know about my news soon. Goodbye dad!

With lots of love,

your daughter Avery."