8 One Step Backwards

“You’re a cute little thing aren’t you?” Simon cringed at the slimy tone. He shivered as a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him close. His back was pressed against a hard chest; an equally hard erection pressed against his lower back.

“Jonny boy should learn to share his toys.” His voice made Simon whimper in fear. Teeth nipped at his ear. “What do you say we play a little before he comes home?”

“N-No…please.” Simon whispered. “Please, l-let me go. J-Jon will b-be home s-soon.”

“Leave him to me.” He said, licking Simon’s neck. His hands were rough as they pulled at Simon’s pants. “Let me show you how a real man feels.”

Simon pulled away. He stumbled out of the living room and fell over his feet. He heard the cold chuckle behind him as his boyfriend’s best friend walked towards him slowly.

“I’m not the kind of man you should say no to, darlin’.” The tall blond said; a feral grin on his face. He looked at his watch. “There’s no time for us to really play. But I know what you can do for me…”

Simon cried out as he was pulled up by his hair. He was pushed to his knees as Steven unfastened his pants. Simon flinched as Steven’s thick erection sprung out, almost poking him in the eye.

“Open up, sunshine.” Steven drawled, excitement evident in his voice. Simon clamped his lips shut and tried to pull away, ignoring the pain as his hair was pulled. Steven dug the fingers of his free hand in Simon’s jaw, forcing him to open his mouth. He gagged as he felt Steven push into his mouth.

“Yeah, good boy…” Steven panted. “Just like…Motherfu-!.” Simon clamped his jaw down hard, burying his teeth on the pulsing flesh. He literally saw stars as Steven backhanded him. He fell backwards…

…on to soft sheets. Hands wrapped around his throat as he felt the dull pain in his lower body as he was being thrust into over and over. He gasped and choked, his hands clawing at the hands wrapped around his throat.

Jon’s face emerged from the shadows, leering down at him. “You’re nothing but a whore, Simon. And you are mine. If you ever leave me, I swear I’ll…kill…you!”

Simon could feel his chest ache with the need to breathe. He struggled under Jon’s weight but his ex-boyfriend did not move. Simon could feel the hands around his throat tighten.

“You shouldn’t have left, Simon.” Jon whispered. “Now you’ve made me mad. And you know I hate hurting you. I love you, Simon. You know that don’t, you, Simon?”

“Simon?”

“Simon!” Simon heard his name but he was still struggling to breathe. He tried to speak. But he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see.

“Simon, wake up.” He heard Zeke calling his name frantically. “Simon, please…”

Wait, Zeke?

What was Zeke doing here? He had to make sure Jon didn’t see him. Jon hated it when…

“Damn it!”

Suddenly he could breathe and he jerked up; arms flailing about. His elbow connected with something soft. He heard Zeke cursed. Someone was gasping and sobbing. His ears were ringing and there were fading spots in his vision.

Simon opened his eyes, his chest heaving. It took him a minute to realize that the sobs he was hearing were coming from him.

“I-I’m…Oh God!” Simon was shaking. His head was pounding and his throat felt raw. “I-I’m s-so s-sorry.” He choked out.

“Simon, calm down.” Zeke said slowly. Simon shook his head, feeling hysterical laughter bubbling up his throat. “It’s OK. You’re OK. It was just a dream.”

Jon was going to find him and kill him this time. He’d also kill Zeke. He was stupid to think he was safe. He wasn’t safe. He would never be safe. There was nothing anyone could do.

He was so screwed.

He curled into a ball and started to cry.

***

Zeke watched helplessly as Simon rocked back and forth, crying and muttering to himself. He reached out to touch him and fought the pang of pain when Simon flinched away from him.

“Simon, it’s me.” Zeke said softly. “It’s OK. It was just a dream.”

At first, he wasn’t sure if Simon heard him. He just kept rocking back and forth, sniffing.

Zeke had heard a scream which had dragged him out of a deep sleep. At first he had been disoriented, and then he heard another scream coming from Simon next to him.

He’d sat up to see Simon gasping and choking, hands clawing at his throat and he tried to wake Simon but Simon had started turning blue and he panicked until Simon had gasped and focused on him.

Now, Simon was shaking and crying; drawing in loud, gasping breaths. Zeke reached for his phone and dialed Diane’s number.

“Jesus, Zeke! Do you know what time it is?” Diane grumbled.

“Sorry, sorry. Simon is…I don’t know what to do.” Zeke said, his voice shaking. “H-He was…look, can you come over?”

“What’s wrong?” Diane asked and he could hear rustling sounds. “Is he OK?”

“He-He’s...” Zeke said; his voice cracking. “I don’t know what to do.” He repeated.

“I’m on my way.”

Zeke saw that Simon was still in the same position, but he seemed to have stopped shaking. He was still rocking himself back and forth; muttering to himself.

“Simon?” Zeke said softly. Simon jerked and turned to look at him, his eyes red rimmed and filled with fear.

“Z-Zeke…” Simon croaked. “J-Jon’s g-going to k-kill me.”

“Simon, no.” Zeke said softly, kneeling on the floor next to the bed. “It was just a dream. You are here, with me. Remember?”

Simon’s eyes filled with tears. “Y-You d-don’t understand. He s-said…Oh God!”

“Simon, calm down.” Zeke said. “It was just a dream.”

“Stop saying that!” Simon shouted. “I never should have left. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into leaving. Why did I think I could escape? This is all your fault! You made me…you made me believe. You gave me h-hope. Why couldn’t you let me…?”

“Let you stay?” Zeke said; pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes it’s my fault. And I’d do it again. I meant everything I said. I won’t let him touch you.”

Simon swallowed. “I just want it to be over.” He whispered. “I just want all of this to be over.”

Zeke heard the front door open. “That’s Diane.” he said, getting up.

“At this time?” Simon frowned. “Why?”

“Yeah, I called her.”

“You called her? Why?” Simon struggled to get off the bed and follow Zeke out of the room.

“Zeke, how is…?” Diane asked as soon as she saw him. “Oh. He seems fine.”

“Just barely.” Zeke said softly so Simon wouldn’t hear. Simon was leaning against the wall. He smiled weakly at Diane and glared at Zeke.

“What happened?” Diane asked, dropping the bag in her hand on the couch.

“Nothing.” Simon said. Zeke scoffed.

“Simon scared the hell out of me.” Zeke said, ignoring Simon. “He was struggling to breathe. He was…it was scary OK?”

“It was just a dream.” Simon murmured. “It’s no big deal.”

Zeke stared at Simon; his eyes wide because…hadn’t he been saying just that?

Diane looked at both of them and yawned. “OK. I’m too tired to deal with this right now. In the morning, Simon you’re coming with me. Zeke, I’m taking your room.” With that, she went into his bedroom, leaving Zeke and Simon alone in the living room.

“Was it…?” Zeke started to ask. He needed to know…

“Goodnight Zeke…” Simon said quickly and practically fled to his room.

Zeke sighed. There was no way he was going to sleep now. He flung himself onto the couch and turned on the TV.

*

“Steven Charles St Clair.” Zion said, later that morning. “32, owns a gun shop in Colorado…”

Zeke was both wired and exhausted. He had stayed up until Diane and Simon left the apartment that morning. Simon had avoided his eyes and that just pissed him off.

“Are you listening to me?” Zion asked.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Zeke said, rubbing his face. “Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

At Zion’s slow smile, he rolled his eyes. “Not that, you fucking pervert. Simon had a nightmare.”

“Oh.” Zion frowned. “OK…”

“It was scary. He couldn’t breathe and he…it was bad.” Zion said. “I called Di and she took him somewhere…I dunno.”

“You called Diane? Wow…” Zion sighed. “She called Alex saying Simon wouldn’t be coming in to work today. Does it have anything to do…?”

“Steven, yeah. And whatever he said to him.” Zeke said around a yawn. “And Jon.”

“Well, there’s an APB out for both of them now.” Zion said. Then he looked at Zeke in concern. “Maybe you should go home. You look like hell.”

“Thanks.” Zeke said dryly. “I love your pep talks.”

“Any time.” Zion smiled. “Thanks for brunch.”

Zeke waved as his brother left. He placed his head on the table and groaned. Everything going great. Well, maybe not great but there were good and now, everything was a mess.

Fucking Jon.

*

Simon was home when Zeke got in a few hours later. He was dead on his feet at work, so he’d left early.

“Hey.” He said warily. Simon was watching something on TV.

“Hey.” Simon said; his voice quiet. Zeke nodded and walked towards his room.

“I’m sorry.” Simon said. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. Please don’t hate me. I really don’t have anywhere else to go and I swear I’m really grateful for all you’ve done and I shouldn’t have…”

“Breathe. Simon.” Zeke said, chuckling. Simon sucked in a breath. “It’s OK. I’m not mad. I understand you were freaked out. Anyone would have been after going through what you have. It’s OK.”

“You should be mad.” Simon said. “I was rude and…”

“And scared.” Zeke finished. “It’s fine. I promise.”

Simon sighed. “Still…I’m glad you got me out of there. I dunno what I would have done if you hadn’t rescued me.” He looked down. “I didn’t mean what I said last night.”

Zeke remembered the last phone call they had before he helped Simon escape. He hid a shudder. He could imagine.

“You’re welcome.” Zeke smiled. Simon looked at him then and frowned.

“Are you OK? You look…”

“I know.” Zeke sighed. “I just need to sleep.”

“I’m sorry…” Simon said, looking away again.

“Enough with the apologizing.” Zeke said wearily. “I’ll make dinner when I wake up. You’re alright on your own?”

“I’m not a baby.” Simon growled. “You don’t need to watch me.”

Zeke sighed and fought back the need to snap at him. If last night and the way he was feeling was anything to go by, Simon was probably cranky and irritated.

“Right.” Zeke said before leaving Simon alone.

*

Simon was curled up on the couch, staring blindly at the TV when Zeke woke up a few hours later.

“Hey. Are you OK?” Zeke asked as he streched, feeling a lot better after his nap.

Simon shook his head. “Yeah, I’m OK. A little tired.”

“Did you sleep at all?” Zeke asked. “You look like…well…”

Simon chuckled weakly. “Not yet. Maybe after dinner…how are you?”

How had things suddenly become weird between them?

“Simon, are you sure you’re OK?” Zeke asked, standing behind the couch.

“Honestly, no.” Simon sighed. “But don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll always worry about you.” Zeke said, laughing softly.

“Well, don’t…” Simon snapped. “Stop worrying about me.”

Zeke sighed. Not this again.

“I know you are very scared and probably exhausted but just stop, OK?” Zeke said wearily. “Let me just…”

“I’m leaving.” Simon said coldly.

“Like hell you are.” Zeke snapped, his heart suddenly racing. The thought of Simon leaving had an ice cold ball of panic flare up in his chest.

“I can’t stay here.” Simon said. “I have to go…somewhere far away. I hate…I can’t stay here.”

Zeke shook his head. “I promised to keep you safe. Please let me do that.”

“St-Steven found me.” Simon said. “That means Jon can too.”

“Simon, I know things seem fucked up right now, but…” Zeke sighed again. “Jon will have to go through me to get you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Simon whispered. “I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“Babe, he’s not going to hurt me.” Zeke said, with a smile. “But if you leave, it-it’ll hurt worse than anything Jon would do.” He finished softly. If he let Simon leave and then Jon got to him…he couldn’t even think about it.

Simon stared at him for a few minutes and Zeke frowned. “What?”

“Why…” Simon cleared his throat. “Why…me? You are not obligated to…damn it, Zeke!”

Zeke shook his head, smiling. Why indeed? Simon had no idea how much he meant to him.

He knew he liked Simon a lot. And he wanted to protect him. He wanted to see him smile. He wanted…he wanted…

“Nobody should live in fear.” Zeke said. “I just want to keep you safe. Please let me do that.”

“But…” Simon sighed shakily. “I’m not worth it. I got myself into this mess.”

“And I’ll get you out of it.” Zeke said, almost pleadingly. “Let me…please. Just…trust me, OK?”

Simon was silent, but Zeke saw his shoulders slump in defeat. He lay back in the couch and sighed.

“I’m going to make dinner now.” Zeke said. “You need anything?”

Simon shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Yeah…you’re eating.” Zeke said; walking into the kitchen.

Simon made a frustrated sound and muttered something.

“I heard that.” Zeke replied loudly, amused.

Things were sort of back to normal.

Sort of.

As normal as it was ever going to be.

***

Simon lay there, looking at the TV but not seeing anything.

Zeke was wrong. Simon wasn’t worth it. If he didn’t get away he was going to get Zeke and his family hurt. But when he thought of leaving Zeke’s place filled him with fear and an aching sadness. Zeke’s place was where he’d felt the safest in years and he didn’t want to leave.

He couldn’t go to back home because, well…no’ he wasn’t going there. He had to look for a way to leave or else…

Why couldn’t he have met Zeke first?

His life would have been so much better.

“Simon!” Zeke called from the kitchen. “Do you want to eat in here or do you need me to bring it out there?”

Simon sighed.

He couldn’t leave.

He couldn’t leave Zeke