4 but

"W-Where..."

I gasped, can't seem to catch my breath. Ache, hurt, pain, that's all I feel. I am suffocating, the ability to breathe has been deprived off me. Back in the darkness with only myself, the very place I chose to run from.

Yet I blinked, and here in the present, I exist once again. I stand here, in this wide field of grass and stones, under the warm beam of the sun. It was bright and I'm not truly alone.

But I was before.

"Where were you when I needed you, Mason?"

My tears fall freely, not holding back anymore, doesn't have the strength to do so. 

Am I weak? 

Maybe I truly am.

But now, I don't care if I appear to be weak or vulnerable. All I know is I'm hurting.

Because it hurts.

"Why did you disappear?" 

His gaze stayed rooted to the ground. Why? Is it because of regret? Embarrassment? I s it because I'm not that important to him anymore? Or maybe I'm just worthless, just to be thrown away when not needed.

"D-Do you how it hurts to be ignored? A confirmation, that was all I asked. So I'll know if I still exist in that world of yours. So I'll know when to stop hoping for you to come back."

Sorry, that was all I hear from him. Now, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing only that word from him when he could tell me so much more.

Little by little, the hurt was replaced by anger. It was wild and raging, occupying the empty gap in my heart yet it never truly fit there. The anger was not meant to complete me. I allow it to consume me anyway.

"I was alone, by myself. You were never there, like you never were. I was left to deal with all of them.  Do you have an idea how it was like for me?" 

He didn't answer, and I break even more.

"It was hell for me, Mason! It was hell for me, but you weren't there to chase away all the demons like you promised."

The tears never stopped, and my heart is once again out in the open for him to take.

"I'm so sorry..."

"You lied to me..."