Cabin in the woods

Faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive, Saul pulled me over highways and through trees until the Sun came up. We stopped before a forsaken-looking "cabin in the woods" and I couldn't help but shout out, for traveling that way had been rather exciting.

But Saul was not down for it at all. He looked at me kind of like the receptionist had - like I was some stupid bug in people's way.

"What?" I demanded, not grasping whatever Saul was so upset about. There was still some of my uncle's blood on my lips, and licking it gave me one burst of joy after another.

Saul just shook his head like he couldn't believe what I had turned into, and continued on, into the cabin (which was unlocked). Still quite happy, I followed.

The insides of the cabin looked no better than its outsides. There was some old furniture in there and some tacky art, and it all was covered in dust.

Saul walked right through the living room.

"I need to think." Was all he could bitter out before slamming a bedroom door shut.

Fine with giving him his special time, I walked right back out and gave our surroundings a more throughout look. Sadly, there wasn't much to observe. The cabin was surrounded by trees in every direction and the only break in that wilderness was a set of overgrown car tracks that seemed to continue endlessly into the forest.

And that boring sight made me realize that I was looking for a distraction. I NEEDED a distraction. My muscles were all amped-up like there were narcotic ants in my veins demanding war on contentment. Any battle seemed better than no battle at all.

A large, mighty oak caught my eye, big-timing me with its presence; standing there all strong and better than me. I walked to it like some buff soldier about to teach someone a lesson, war-minded and strike-ready.

I pulled up my sleeves and started punching. At first, I couldn't even feel anything. I knew I made contact but no pain reached my brain. That only encouraged me to go harder and harder, and soon the bark was all bloody and red. But my hands, which kept healing, remained fine enough to model for magazines.

And in that stupor, time did not exist. So it might have been minutes or might have been hours before my battle was paused.

"Having fun?" Saul called.

I looked at him and was glad to see the smiling buddy I was used to, not the grumpy, cowardly old man from the embassy.

"Trying to." I put my eyes back on the tree. It had taken damage but was far from falling. "I thought vamps would be stronger."

"Generalize much?" Saul walked straight past me, and with no effort at all, landed the oak with a single punch that blasted its trunk into dust and needles and made the whole thing come crashing down on top of us.

Spreading the branches, I looked at the show off with bitter annoyance. "Well, I softened it up!"

"Whatever macho-man..." He got out of the splintery mess, turning again more serious. "Let's get back inside. We need to talk."

As Saul took a seat in the dusty armchair, I let myself fall flat down on the even more dusty sofa. And then we coughed for a while, for vampires turned out to have noses even more sensitive than humans. In the end, we did settle down, and as quiet fell, Saul interlocked his fingers like some therapist about to attempt to undo my crazy.

"So, we have a problem." He started wisely. "Actually, we have many problems. But they all seem to lead us to the same place – an early grave."

For all I knew, Saul might have just been joking, so I kept eyeing him carelessly, amused by his doctor-like attitude.

"I for one would like to avoid that," he continued, "so what we need is a plan."

I got up to sitting, studying Saul and finding him quite sincere. "Alright! Let's pretend that everything is the worst and we're, as you said, heading to our graves... So now I think is the time for you to tell me everything. No jokes. No evasiveness. ...Or I'm just gonna start humming the anthem and you can come up with the plans on your lonesome."

Saul looked surprised, but also kind of disappointed. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Well it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Pardon me for thinking you can keep up."

I was to interject, but he put up his hand as if demanding silence.

"Once more then, from the beginning." He collected his thoughts and then ran a verbal sprint. "I got home, you were dead. Being a vampire, I fed you my blood and you came back to life – a vampire. We went to the embassy to register that I turned you, where we found out that your uncle is a warlock – witch means you are as well... or were, that is."

I could not just let that slide past.

"Warlock? My uncle?"

"Yeah! Most definitely."

"...And I am...?"

"Had I known that I obviously should have not turned you. But I didn't. So, here we are!"

At that point, I felt a bit hurt.

"You should have let me die?"

"You do not understand the seriousness of this! I knew that turning you, a human, would get me in trouble, as I had already turned too many. But turning a warlock? Holy hell! There's literally nothing more forbidden. It's a death sentence. For the both of us."

"Why?"

Saul rolled his eyes. "Why? How the hell would I know why? You think I was there when they signed the treaty? You think I have correspondence with the witches? It's a no-no because they say so!"

I couldn't help myself but grin. "They should put that on a poster."

"Wow!" Saul shook his head. "You're really loving this, aren't you? I guess I'm learning my lesson about doing good deeds."

"Alright. I'm sorry." I paused to realign my thoughts. "Okay, I believe you. We have a problem. How do we solve it? Maybe if I got in contact with my family. It was, after all, me who killed him?"

"No. That's not the problem. Yeah, it doesn't help that you killed a warlock, but the problem is that I turned you."

"Making me a vampire is a bigger crime than killing a witch?"

"So it is."

"That doesn't make sense."

"You can take that up with the witches once they find us. This place is off the grid but nothing remains hidden forever. They might already be on their way."

"Just so I'm clear. It's the witches that

are after us, not vampires?"

"Yeah, but vamps aren't gonna help us. They only care about the treaty. We are as dead with them as we are with witches."

"But you said we can't die as long as we feed?"

"Under normal circumstances. These are not normal circumstances."

"Maybe I could reason with them? I mean, my uncle was a witch, maybe some of my other relatives...?"

Saul laughed out loud.

"Reason with them? You really can't see what you're like right now, can you?"

I took offense.

"What do you mean?"

"You're high, dude. On blood. About as high as I've seen anyone. Which has probably to do with the fact that you're a warlock. ...Now that I think about it."

But I felt perfectly amazing. And amazingly perfect.

"Just because I don't cry about every little thing..." I tried to retort but Saul put a quick end to it.

"Either way, I can't let you go. For your safety and mine. At the very least we need a plan. Even if it's a diplomatic one."

Then something so vile got into my nose that it got me ready to throw up right onto that dusty carpet.

"What the hell is that?" I cried, dropping to my knees.

Saul jumped up, fists at the ready. He looked in all directions.

"What?"

"That smell...? God damn, it stinks."

Saul sniffed the air, but only sneezed as a result.

"What are you talking about? It's..." He stopped, realizing something. "What does it smell like?"

"I don't know. Like the kind of garbage garbage would produce."

"We have to go."

Without any further explanation, he grabbed from my shoulders and turned us again into wind. ...For a moment or so. Between those trees, something slammed into us, bringing us to crash against a large tree-trunk.

Saul was up right away, fists again at the ready, but it took me a moment longer to figure out which way it was to the sky and which to ground.

"Quiet!" A new voice whisper-called. He was looking at the distance, not to me or Saul, but we were certainly staring only at him. He was a tank of a man. Very tall. Very broad. He had long hair and a trimmed beard. All put together, we might have as well been watching a Viking in action.

"It's you!" Saul called, disgust in his voice. "The hell...?"

"Quiet!" The Viking whispered again. He pointed to the trees around us. "They know about the cabin. It's being surrounded."

"Yeah! I figured that out..."

"Not vampires. Witches. And they brought werewolves."

That felt like about the right time for me to open my mouth.

"Aren't werewolves supposed to be dead?"

The Viking gave me a pitting look. "This' the one?" He looked at Saul. "We have to ditch him!"

I jumped up, about to give that huge bastard a piece of my mind, but Saul beat me to it.

"If anyone's getting ditched here, it's you, Pierce! What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Pierce peeked around the tree, answering Saul very matter-of-factly. "Saving your ass... As always. We have to go up."

And he started climbing the tree before him.

Saul turned to me and took a deep, anger releasing breath.

"Who is he?" I asked, truthfully more concerned about my tree-climbing skills than some random guy's identity.

"My brother in law. It's a long story." He turned around, sighing. "Come on then! Hop on!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"You want me to ride on your back?"

"Want is a strong word. But I do want us to live. And what we're about to do, you don't know how!"

I laughed some more and did climb on his back. And up the tree we went like a couple of spiders. And when at the top, we jumped. And for a moment we were the wind, and then we were at the top of another tree.

Getting flashbacks from a childhood trip to an amusement park, I sat back with a smile on my face while Saul groaned a cursed when getting slapped by the branches as we made our way through the forest. I wasn't sure where we were heading to, but I was certainly having a blast getting there.