5

They say I'm crazy, listen in the village, when the townspeople see me walking in my torn clothes or by the fountain, I hear them call me a witch, the priest collects his clothes and quickly walks away from me, there are only fifteen of us in the village, I feel so lonely trying to serve Jesus. My feet took me to the pasture where the two little boys were herding the herd. With the inner strength guiding my feet, I took a few more steps and sat on a stone by the roadside and cried for all the purified ones who ever lived.

"What do you think of marriage, Satin?" said Meryem.

what did he think of marriage? it depended on the situation, whether it was for himself or for someone else.

"It's time to find a husband for you"

Satin never acted in haste, and her movements, where the smell of peaceful happiness and shyness emanated, was completely under control, as were her thoughts. For Satin, she had to be a good woman "perfecta" and obey very serious oaths, but she was not empty towards Alpinarian, but she did not understand that she never left Abdullah. Satin thought about her ancestors for a moment…

She thought of the girls whose Bibles were translated into their mother tongues, who were burned because of the slander of the priests who coveted her chastity, often not recorded in the birth records. Satin believed in transmigration and felt that something sharp had to be done to avoid this fearfully anticipated fate.

A perfecta should have been in seclusion rather than continuing to live among the evils of the world. Satin thought of the great treasure of the Cathars (purified) buried on Montsegur hill; the two hundred good Christians (purified) trapped in the castle resisted the Pope's army for six weeks, but the purified ones, who were secretly swinging from the castle at night before the castle fell, were lost in the bushes. The good Christians were forgotten when the church made new enemies after the purified. Now they began to avoid the church but their Islamic neighbors.

Muslims took the place of the cruel Inquisition in the thirteenth century, the tension started to increase constantly, the rumors that all Armenian subjects would be sent to the south due to the assassination attempt on the sultan reached the ground, Satin was planning to reach Lebanon without losing the treasury plan that has been passed down from generation to generation for centuries since the Middle Ages. Montsegur hill was the guarantee of the existence of the purified. It was that treasure that would allow them to worship in their own churches in Armenia. With a sigh of satin, she tried to refocus her attention on the task at hand. She was not as good at sewing as her sister Baiona. Her fingers seemed to be huge. It was not only her fingers that didn't work, but her mind, which was preoccupied with dreams. On the other hand, Baiona, who was older than her, made loops like the footprints of fairies. It was like the painting she created. Dreams come true with her needle. Satin dreamed that they would come out of the cloth and walk around the house telling her hopes. Baiona had skillful hands. That's what everyone was saying, Satin was laying her napkin sadly beside her raw cloths and surveyed the room. It was a nice cool place. Inside were a few carved high chairs and two patterned rugs hung on the wall: one depicting Jesus meeting at the well with the woman to whom he offered the immortal water of life (ab-ı life water); the other depicting the sacrifice of Isaac, and Abraham always As it was, he raised his pale hand and turned his head towards the angel who came to take his knife, and on the side was a horned ram hiding in the greenery.

Satin could often stare at these stories for hours, but today she turned uneasily once again and caught the thin pillar dividing the grove and meadow seen from the window. She was supposed to be a boy riding a horse in the fields. stories had to be written!

He imagined it like the goddess of hunting, which is a combination of z.

Leaning through the satin window, she felt the soft air on her cheeks and wanted to scream and sing, to hang her body from the walls of her adobe house. Despite the purified people who said that you would not come back in lower forms after you were born as a human, she would perhaps want to return to life as a bird in a creation. It was as if she thought she remembered to fly. Flying was his act; watching the stars at night, he dreamed of diving into the strong winds of the mountains. He left the window and sat down just at that moment, when his cousin Almaz came in. His aunt Almalia, now sixty-three, had given birth to six children. He wore plain long black most of the time. Even as his hands were wrapping the rope and prayers were running through his mind, his eyes slowly turned around, trying to make sense of what was happening around him. Each fall of the dirt meant that the Master's Prayer was finished, he paused on the threshold to finish it; The cousin, on the other hand, was young and beautiful, wearing a rose-patterned skirt, even her small steps were cheerful.

"This is the way to happiness," said the mother silently, throwing her light into the hands of breaking.

-To be Perfecta?

yes if you choose. If you choose to be a friend of God"

Satin grimaced, of course, when she broke with earthly life.

"He's getting taller," said the mother, pointing her daughter to Satin; the cousin was angry at their talk, as if she wasn't here and couldn't hear what was being said, she would have liked to have a beauty like Baiona with shining golden hair with honey-colored eyes.

"Satin, some girls get married when they're younger than you," said the cousin, adding that every girl needs a man to protect her.

Satin bent her head towards her handiwork, not wanting to be a spinster all her life, meanwhile she wiped her nose on her dress.

"No, no! you should wipe it on a napkin, not on your clothes," said the cousin; there is someone you like, right?

"Alpinarian," he replied without hesitation, as if waiting for a great opportunity to say that name.

"I'm always watching her, but she's not even aware of it," said Satin to her cousin.

Alpinarian was a young man with broad shoulders and narrow hips. He couldn't give SAten.Once, Alp wrestled with a group of Islams, trying to drag each other on the ground until their elbows were bent, and sweat and oil dripped into each other.

Satin was standing at the barn door, his heartbeat was accelerating as the group approached. He was nailed to where he was. He couldn't move. As Alpinarian approached, he felt that his voice was hoarse and something knotted in his throat. He thought he was going to faint as his knees trembled. Alp; At that moment Alpinarian had to take support from the mud brick wall where the particles were thrown out;

"Satin is here, my little Satin, how are you today?" he said.

He was stunned, he didn't know what to say, he tried to say something, but his voice was completely gone; he could feel the sweat dripping down Alp's breath from his muscular shoulders, "I'm neither yours nor small, what dare?"

However, Alpinarian started to walk away laughing and did not hear the answer given in this low voice that came out with force. He left Satin in front of the barn shyly with red cheeks. He gathered his skirt and crossed the stone arch, not aware of why and where he was running. He ran all the way to the river and lay down on the grass. she was angry with herself for wanting to be in her arms so much, her sobs increased when she realized how far she was from being a "perfecta". She dipped her feet into the cool waters of the Euphrates.

that night she dreamed of Satin Alp hugging her and pressing her sweaty body against her white and soft skin.Baiona was sleeping next to her,he was both her brother and childhood friend.The two girls were sleeping so close that their legs were tangled and their breath was mixed.

"Baiona!"

"Baiona, are you awake?"

-"Huh."

-I want to talk to you ."

"What?"

"I'm ashamed, Baiona"

Baiona sat up on her elbow, sleepily staring at the white reflection falling on her brother's face in the darkness.

-"Why are you ashamed?"

"Come near me; I'll tell you in your ear, I like the Alpinarian."

"Are you aware of this situation?"

"Actually I like Arogil too; let's talk about this in the morning"

"Baiona, tell me she likes me too, I need to hear it"

As innocent as a longing dove, Baiona had already fallen asleep. Satin was on the other side of the bed.

she had a real woman at the end, a woman who wanted her man madly, she felt wet inside, she was burning with longing. When I saw the Alpinarian, I should make my heart fly and send him a wave of love. I should look directly into his eyes, she sighed; Satin.

The next evening, the singing session in the village square ended early.

"Anyone want to walk?" said Alpinarian

They started walking, thinking that they were as happy as two puppies playing and running under the satin starry sky. It was a beautiful weather. Alp, hugging Satin with one arm, pulled her towards him.

"Come here. I want to show you something," he whispered.

-"What is it ?"

"Do you want to be satisfied?"

He took her with careful steps into the secret and dark labyrinth formed by the fragrant olive trees. The bushes were a little above. Satin was uncomfortable but excited at the same time. Alp kissed her on the lips with one hand pulling on her dress while the other was holding Satin's hand. When she touched the man's skin, Satin's breath stopped. She had never touched this part of a man's body before. Alp, who guided her hand, was moaning with the groan of his caressing fingers. The organ between the fingers was getting bigger, it wasn't stupid or a child Satin, suddenly that crazy thought came to mind, how could this huge tool sink into a girl?

Alp had begun to kiss her neck now;

"Don't stop!" said the alp.

She guided him again with her hand to reaffirm her command. Her lips met as she rubbed the man's body against hers. Suddenly she felt wetness on her hand, something gushing out onto her hand, her dress, and the grass.

Swaying and trembling on her feet, Alp remained wrapped up a little more and Satene cleaned her manhood with her handkerchief. Suddenly everything changed. The previous excitement was gone. now she wanted to cry. Had he sinned? Had God seen him with the huge tool in his hand? Had father, son, and holy spirit approved of love?

Satin sat quietly for several minutes. She was praying silently while moving her lips. She suddenly made up her mind, got up from the chair and called out to her daughter.

"Get up, you're leaving."

-"What do you want to say?"

-We are going to confession to the priest. By the way, you should know that Baiona will wear your silver dress.

Satin felt a pang of conscience in her heart.

-"Satin, wait!",

Baiona was running fast across the courtyard, almost begging.

"I don't want your dress"

"There's nothing you can do, come in now," said Satin.

At that moment, Satin's heart was telling her that she had been betrayed. She felt sorry for herself. She wondered if the suffering of anger also shaped the words of the Holy Spirit.

The seromoni was short lived, and Satin was a clean girl again.

The next morning he saw her first neighbor, although the woman was so short that she didn't have to avoid the beam, she ducked into the little shelter and got rid of the mud of the courtyard. She kept her hands on her stomach and looked around. small, he hurried over the clean mats I bought for my bed and the stones I had collected for the stove outside. I was annoyed with him looking around, so he left the wooden bowl and turned the contents upside down and started to rummage in my bag. I wanted it to go away.

I squatted and took a spoonful of the soup. The soup was good. My hunger was like a sleeping beast in its cave; I sipped it slowly. The lady was standing next to me.

"Very nice" I said

I crossed immediately, and then I picked up the bowl again; thank you for picking up my son yesterday, the neighbor said, talking about his little boy who fell while playing ball.

"Will you come to dinner with us tonight?"

I thanked him and left the courtyard.

Cibin-1914-

SATINIC-

Well, you're right, I cried a lot. It was very difficult for me to confess.

Come on, cheer up little girl. Things aren't as bad as they used to be anymore.

Is it so important that the priest warns me?

The village priest used to take my hands in his hands."Remember, my child, everything changes, the wheels of good revolve around evil and the wheels of evil turn around good. But Jesus Christ made a condition for us. We may be in pain, but we will not be alone in our suffering. A spiritual knight always helps us. "

I was only fourteen years old, but I did not tell this thought to the village priest, but I can share it with you. I did not want to make any covenant with God, as our father watched the crucifixion and death of his only holy son, as with Isaac and Abraham. He had to be resurrected after death.

What was the purpose of his crucifixion? God can make a deal with humanity to get the attention of the fathers, but this agreement does not fulfill our terms.

It is not included in what we need to know as God's holy sight.

A mouse ran happily through the thick grass at the edge of the bushes, like a tiny sparrow with newly sprouted wings. I thought it was a mouse rustling in the grass, but it was a bird. The bird or mouse was free after all. Suddenly, among the green grass, my eyes met yellow and red flowers. These colors maybe it will be the color of free Armenia in the future, but I think my life will not be enough, yellow, red and blue sky color for example.

For a moment, I felt the grass swaying slightly in the wind, spreading the green color around, and at that moment I felt that I was not alone on the road. There was a woman coming towards me with a basket full of eggs. There was a woman in the distance behind her, two people walking into the field with scythes on their shoulders. As the men walked, it was as if they were performing monotonous work movements. their shoulders were swaying. They passed in front of me while I was sitting on the stone. When they passed me, I stood up and pointed the stick in my hand; I began to walk behind them. As the pastor said, if I was a good Christian, the great Jesus would follow me in my steps; as I had done many times before, I could do it now. As I prayed for hours in blessed words, I was amazed at how the meaning changed with each repetition and the relief that filled me. The word "our" was expanding from the various green grasses around to the rough road and to our great lord. Even if God sends his son to death, my arms were opened towards Him as a child opens for his father. .Heaven is now It was standing inside me, not somewhere in the sky, but in the smell of mown grass among the trees.

The road forked ahead. While I was waiting to decide which way to go, I made a hollow in the ground with the stick in my hand. In the west, the sky was descending as if the clouds had turned gray. The storm was coming. I got rid of the panic that appeared in me. I changed my feet and waited at the "Y". Here in the small fountain was the crucified Christ, the great Jesus with bleeding hands. I had heard that there was a saint in Italy with a stigmata placed on his palms. After his body decayed, his grave was opened and the nails were removed. The saint was sleeping peacefully with a sweet smile on his face. People believed that these nails were healing.

With the poke of the "perfecta" in me, I turned to the left and remembered the friends of God. There was no symbol of our great lord's hanging and bleeding body.

Some people, including Muslims, believe that our Lord did not die on the cross. I don't know what to believe. I see them as a person who believes in Alawism, which is a sect. it was underused, the grass covered not only the bumps in the middle of the road, but also the ruts caused by the cars. I noticed that the air was starting to cool and a trail appeared against the gray clouds gathering in the sky. I shuddered at the thought of spending the night.

Up from the bottom of the road came a carriage and a farmer, pulled by a gray horse with its long white tail rubbing against its muddy heels.

-You look tired as you climbed the hill, he said, looking at me. I looked at him too. Thanks to your kindness, I would like to rest my feet for a while.

"It's good to get one's feet off the ground," I said, quietly climbing up the hill, using the time to look around and collect my hair and wonder why my heart was singing uncontrollably. I realized you were as rough as a cook's hands. He was like a sausage on my lap.

Broken nails were filled with filth and her skin was burning red. She remembered for a moment that the hands of the nobles were cleaned with milk in the Middle Ages. We used to comb our hair with Baiona, paint our lips, and put on our milk-colored gloves and dance in the courtyard.

Alpinarian

cibin(Saylakkaya)-Taurus Mountains /1914

"After the assassination of the Sultan, according to der-saadet, we are no longer a loyal nation," said Arogil, while rolling up his tobacco.

"Did you hear the last edict?"

He turned to the people in the coffee house. All of the people in the village cafe were Armenians, some of whom were bubbling hookahs and others sipping their coffee while slurping.

"Every boy over the age of fourteen and every girl over the age of twelve will take an oath of allegiance to the Islamic faith; this oath will be renewed every two years, without exception, boys have to attend prayers every Friday, without exception. None of the Armenians will be a doctor, even if they work in obligatory conditions. While the patient dies in the hospital, there will be no Armenian doctor with him."

A scene came to life in my head, "I had healed the little boy, I was with the dead woman. And now I got up from the stone where I paused to rest and walked leaning on my staff. I was running away from the soldiers of the Sultan, whose breath I felt on my neck."

This short play of the Arogil did not receive enough attention, but what he was about to tell would almost cause indignation.

- "No one will read the Bible in their mother tongue; the Bible written in Ottoman will be read."

Everyone looked at each other, frozen in surprise. One elder spoke;

"But who is supposed to receive God's Word?" he asked.

"We will not surrender!" cried Arogil. Right there I promised myself that I would fight alongside him for the rest of my life. I could die for him, and yes we would not give up!

For more than an hour we spent time repeating and debating the laws. These prohibitions tightened the tyranny of oppression. We would refuse to denounce our friends, cousins, and wives.

"The devil SHOULD BE NO ONE OTHER THAN THESE ISLAMS!"

"NOW ANY PERSON CAN EASILY APPROACH THEIR LAND BY NOTING THEIR NEIGHBOR OF JOINING THE REGULARS.

I felt a thrill of wild joy as Arogil wrapped his arm around me and hugged me. He and I could have fought together and loved each other.

"My brothers!" said Arogil; the dashnak gangs are waiting for our support, the value of freedom will only be understood when it is lost, I would rather fight and die like a man than stay here and be the dog of the Ottomans, be ready in front of the cemetery half night with me, they will come and take us over, are you ready to fight for an independent Armenia?"

The crowd had vehemently approved, having done it again with Arogil, using his persuasion to the fullest.

It took twenty days to walk to the Taurus Mountains. For the first time, Alp was so far from home, not only from home, but also from Apoya now, in fact, their friendship ended after he married Meryem, and the friendship that ended in time forced them to leave. While walking, he couldn't help looking at the beauty of the scenery. trees...

As he walked, he looked up to see the snow capped mountains in the distance, and the beauty struck him.

On this long walk, Arogil was telling him about the pure, especially about the legendary bishop of the pure.

This bishop was so mature that he did not even need to sleep. He had been living in a cave on the top of the Taurus for twenty years. It was said that he did not speak during this time. It was very difficult for him to return to daily life after this life.

Arogil told the legend that the legend was a little man with tiny and shapely hands and feet.

An invisible wave of greeting would spread. People wanted to fall at his feet. The legend had such a kind and sincere sincerity that when you met him, one thought that he had been waiting to meet and talk to you all his life. The presence of the other person made him so happy!

it was because of his smile and shining eyes, but everyone knew that it was his visions that set him apart from the others. His foresight was strong. He knew a truth that he did not know. I wonder what this truth is.

It was impossible not to be affected by the view of the mountain that stretched upwards from the plain like a finger. The giant cave, which would be their place in their next life, had a large entrance; it had two or three separate entrance doors. One of them was wide enough for an oxcart to pass through. This was the "SAFE MOUNTAIN", which could not be contained.

Leaving the guards below, Alp and Arogil swept along the winding path. They were pulling themselves upwards, holding on to the undersized pines that grew everywhere.

The nostrils were filled with the smell of pine. The trees curled up from the rocks with their roots as lean as a snake and ready to tangle at their feet. ALPINARIAN had to watch every single step as he climbed the mountain.

Now, out of breath and their chests heaving rapidly, they stood in front of a large boulder to take a look around. Below was the town of Zeytun. The cultivated land had medicinal herbs on every stone protrusion that appeared between wooden or stone huts.

The huts leaned against the walls of the castle like children and protruded from the height of the hill into the sky.

-Let's meet "LEGEND", said Arogil, he said.

The man leaning on his wand wore a leather jacket with copper-colored hair and blue eyes. Before he reached the courtyard of the cave, Legend eyed the two men

later

-COME CLOSER!"

he said to Alpinarian, pulling him towards himself enough to feel his breath,

He said, "Stay away from those who have JINN in you!"

Arogil hollowed out a piece of bread and filled it with stew and handed it to me.

-"Beautiful"

"Hmm," he replied. It was almost dark. We were having dinner in the cave when the first star was shining on the night stand.

"Are there wolves in these mountains?" I asked. After all these years, I was afraid of wolves, although I had never seen them.

"Sometimes in the winter they come down to the villages," said Arogil. "The winter is hard when the snow is thick and they can't find food."

He was chewing his bread slowly.

"I once heard of a monk taming a wolf. Do you want to listen? His name was Francis; birds were fed by the man's hand. Once a wolf came to town in search of food. The townspeople wanted to kill the wolf, but the monk said that the great God forbade us to kill." .

"We went to the mountains to kill the Turks, but"

"We kill for free Armenia, not to be a slave to Islam," said Arogil.

-"Don't interrupt, listen to the rest of the story, the monk told the townspeople that he tamed the wolf. While the wolf was looking for food in the village, the women broke into their houses shouting and locked their children behind the wooden window shutters. The wolf wandered slowly through the village, swinging from side to side. They gathered together with their knives and nets when the monk came. He raised his hand and the wolf bowed before him like a house cat, bowing his head and kneeling.

Then the holy monk took the wolf's head in his hand and told him that it was wrong to eat the children and animals of the villagers, and that God and the townspeople would always protect him if he stopped this habit. The wolf understood this and lived like a faithful dog in the town. The townspeople fed him.

"You wouldn't have found anyone to do that in Halfeti," I said after thinking for a minute or two.

"Feeding a wolf," said Arogil, and shook his head.

"Once upon a time there was a brave knight who was a nice, big and loyal hunting dog. This dog was famous for his kindness to his master. He had a gray coat and strong teeth. The knight married and his wife soon gave birth to a strong and healthy baby. One day, the knight and his wife went hunting. While the dog was on watch by the cradle, what did he see? A WOLF!

A wolf came out of the forest and started a fight to his death. When the knight returned home, the cradle was turned upside down, there was no baby, the dog was smiling at its owner with blood in its mouth, the knight decapitated the dog in one go and was still trying to drag towards him to lick his master's hand, while the knight was watching the animal that killed his baby. Tears began to flow. Then he suddenly heard a sound in the bush under the trees. The baby was happily sucking on his finger, and next to him was a wolf carcass.

How, isn't it a sad story?"

"This is a story about acting without thinking," I said. After thinking for a while, I asked, Who leaves a baby alone with a dog?

"It's just a story," said Arogil. It was night and the stars were winking at us; we had walked from Halfeti to the Taurus and joined the Dashnak gang; the stars covered the sky as close and cold as grains of gold like grains of sand.

"It's time to go to bed," said Arogil. Meanwhile, I took my knife in my hand and always kept it ready with me when I went to bed.

Another day: it's time to hide my knife.

Arogil had taken the guns to the higher caves. First I looked all over the cave and felt the happiness of waking up to the new day while I was standing and breathing the fresh straw scented air. At that time I thought of Satinik, thinking of someone other than myself for the first time in days. The strangest thing is that I am preoccupied with the future rather than being stuck in the past. I looked first at the black stones on the threshold, then at the view. Above the clouds stretched out like running sheep or the reflection of foam on the crest of the waves. Above the clouds lay a skimpy milky sky. On the slope of the hill was a beech tree. The roots of the tree, plunging into the ground, were clinging to the deep. In the muddy spot between the roots. it's just a few moments for me to dig a hole and shove my little book, protected by green rag, well into the roots knotted in this hole.