1 I Don't Want An Afterlife

I died. Simple as that. No need to elaborate... I mean, why would I? Many people wonder what happens when you die. Me? I didn't care too much. Initially I thought it'd be like closing your eyes and entering a dreamless sleep. I wasn't a believer in any kind of god or higher power. I didn't want to experience the so-called heaven or hell. Fuck NO! Living my life on earth was boring enough, why the hell would I want to live in that disgusting place known as heaven where everyone probably feels smug for getting in, or in that cesspit of a realm known as hell, which is probably filled with nothing but psychos and perverts!!

I didn't want either of them. Now that I'm dead, I'd rather just sleep for eternity and forget everything! The only problem is… I'm currently floating in a dark space without a body, watching my life as if it was a sitcom.

It was sort of interesting the first couple of times, but by the 50th I was getting fed up! My entire life was being shown to me over and over again and all I can say was it was repetitive. Imagine watching a first person movie where the protagonist gets up, goes to work, watches other people get promoted and then repeats the same events the very next day for almost 10 years!!

Do you have any idea how boring that is! And what makes it worse is that I'm currently watching it for the 2000th time! I can't even close my eyes or look away because I don't even have a body!

By this point I'm pretty sure this is hell!!

How did I come to this conclusion you wonder? Simple. I'm being forced to watch my snore fest of a life only to end up realising the amount of opportunities I missed. From dates, to bets, to life changing events. I missed them all! I'm basically being shown how I wasted my life over and over again without being able to look away. I'm forced to view my failures and bad decisions. If that isn't a type of hell I don't know what is.

The only consolation I have is that I'm able to re-watch all the great anime I'm seen all over again. Unfortunately that comes with all the bad ones too (I love Emelia). God that made me rage.

It's also weird viewing all the porn and hentai I've watched throughout my entire life. It started out innocent and vanilla, but by the end, all I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK!! I was into some really weird shit!

Please let this torture end.

...

I am now numb to this. I'm on my 5000th re-watch and all I can feel is numbness. If I had a voice I'd be able to sync up every line in my life, word for word. The only thing keeping me going is my precious anime.

The Dragon ball super movie (Broly) is especially heart-warming to me. From a mindless berserker in the days of Z to the sympathetic child in Super.

"Your still sane?"

Out of nowhere a disembodied voice echoed out.

If I could move I'd be looking around trying to find the owner of said voice. Unfortunately for me, I cannot.

"Though this was meant to be a punishment, your amount of anime and manga consumption has given you enough points to earn my respect."

[Respect? Punishment? What the fuck is going on?]

"But why do all the novels you read have the harem tag? Considering you died a virgin I can only guess that the inner workings of your mind and the reality of your world didn't sync up properly. Anyway, since you managed to stay sane throughout the viewing of your mundane life and have given me numerous new manga and anime to watch and read, I will end your punishment early and reward you with one of those reincarnation plots you love so much!"

[Wait! This is moving too fast! I don't want to reincarnate! I WANT TO SLEEP!!]

Too bad the disembodied voice can't hear me.

"Ah! I got it! I'll send you to the world with the most interesting weapons!"

[Interesting weapons…No! He wouldn't!]

"Have fun down there. Also try to live a less boring life this time, Bye"

[YOU SON OF A…]

...

So here I am. Stuck in this flesh prison called a womb, internally cursing that bitch of a God who decided to reincarnate me in one of the worst world's possible.

You know, although I would prefer not to be in the world of the living, the moment God mentioned reincarnation, the fanboy inside of me couldn't help but squeal. And even though I reject the notion of being reborn, I thought that maybe it wouldn't be too bad.

That thought shattered the moment I realised where he was sending me.

It wouldn't be too bad if he wisped me off to a place like Fairy Tail. Even though the entire series is shounen trash that relies on the power of friendship, no one dies there and as long as I stay away from guilds like fairy tail and such, I'm practically untouchable.

Or he could have sent me off to the world of Dragon ball. At least I'd have wish granting orbs and a relatively safe life as long as I ignored Goku and friends.

But NO! THAT PIECE OF SHIT GOD SENT ME TO FUCKING RWBY!! RWBY FOR FUCK SAKE!! I'M SCREWED NO MATTER WHAT!

If I'm reborn as a human then I have to deal with those unthreatening Grimm who somehow manage to threaten all of mankind. If I'm reborn as a Fanus then I have to face discrimination on a daily basis and that's without taking into account of the Grimm threat! And if I'm reborn as a Grimm then everyone wants to kill me! FUCK!! I lose in every scenario! Heck! I don't even like RWBY, after volume 3 everything went to shit! Especially the characters! Ruby somehow had a speech ready for every occasion. Blake was the most bland of them all but still somehow got everyone trying to suck off her metaphorical Dicc, while Yang (Bless her soul) turned from my second favourite character into some crappy romance plot point for Blake, which instantly sickened me because I knew what kind of agenda the writers were trying to push!! Honestly the only character who actually felt consistent was Weiss.

All I can say is good thing they didn't touch my girl Neo or I'm pretty sure I would have hunted the writers down and had a not so pleasant conversation with the two.

Although I was tempted to do so after watching volumes 4-6. With the death of the creator and chief animator everything literally went to shit!

If it was just the story that went down the drain, I could have handled that.

If it was the bastardisation of the Grimm, I could have handled that.

If it was Yang and Blake BULLSHITTING the power system to beat Adam, I could just barley tolerate it.

But they did something they never should have! They ruined the one thing that kept me going throughout the whole show.

Killing off a character? That's fine. Making a random ship that came out of nowhere (YangxBlake Blegh) tolerable. Even firing a voice actor for no real reason, I could somewhat accept.

But what I can't accept is how they butchered the FUCKING FIGHT CHOREOGRPAHY TO SUCH LEVELS!!

3 VOLUMES!! 3 FUCKING VOLUMES WAS ALL IT TOOK TO GO FROM MONTY'S GOD TIER STYLE TO BARGIN BIN ANIMATION!!