Press X to Doubt

"What did you people do to my little sister!" Yang Xiaolong came at us looking like a perfect ten on the hotness scale and a critical success 20 on the crazy scale.

"What do you mean by 'you people'!" I shouted back and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

"Right, not a giant space lizard anymore." I signed, missing being a giant space lizard.

"Giant space lizard?" Blake questioned.

"Don't think I'm going to let you distract me with bullshit!" Yang tore through that line of inquiry.

"Describe the patient's symptoms." I commanded the pissed off blonde with hair and a bod that would make Barbie and her friends envious.

"Nervous, withdrawn, borderline panic attack. Muttering about big dicks being scary in real life." Yang growled the last part.

"Yeah. That was us." I confirmed and Yang cocked her fist back to make me regret being born with one of her reality altering haymakers.

She wasn't ready for my slick dodge into hip throw.

"She caught me coming out of the shower." I told her like the calm and reasonable person I am.

"That's what towels are for ass!" Yang shouted as she came back for round 2, but proved quickly to not be ready to tango with me.

My reaction time is down in the low double digits milliseconds even without aura. Despite Yang's impressive showing, she just didn't stand a chance when to me her combat speed is basically slow motion. The difference between us would grow even greater if she could trigger my fight or flight response as I would enter 'Spartan Time' where my reaction speed would tighten up to near zero.

After superhuman augmentation resulted in a nervous system fast enough to almost match my metaphysical control of the body, the 'puppet string' feeling of moving faded away and this meat suit became mine fully. It was wonderful to no longer feel that dissonance, and once aura gets involved moving this body becomes a thing of beauty.

Needless to say, even without my musculature being on point, Yang was out of her league.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you, 'You walk through a locker room, you're going to see some dick.'?" I asked as I worked her into an arm lock.

"NO!" Yang gritted her teeth and prepared to go Super Saiyan.

"Oh. Sorry that no one cared about you enough to pass down that sage wisdom." I leapt off her before she ignited.

"Yang, stop!" screamed Ruby after she pulled herself out of her cock induced funk.

"No no." Weiss interrupted from where she'd been eagerly watching the fight, "Do continue, it looked like she was finally going to beat the impertinence out of him."

"Do we know you?" Ruby asked the petite girl with a more than passing obsession with the color white.

And fuck you to all those life wasted neck beards that are just waiting to shout about how white isn't a color, it's a shade. No one gives a shit that you attended the second week of your mandatory high school art class and actually spent the time there paying attention rather than fucking around with your homies or hitting on chicks.

Anyway, the incredulity on Weiss's face at Ruby not remembering her swiftly turned to anger. Red hot anger.

"You blew up my Dust this morning and you can't even remember who I am?" she shrieked.

"Oh that's who you are…" Ruby acted like that cleared everything up, "Didn't we already determine that was all your fault?"

"Nothing was determined." Wiess denied, "And if you would stop interfering there is a rapscallion about to be put in his place and I am overjoyed to witness his comeuppance."

"I don't think you want to see what is going on in Jaune's pants." Ruby stated then leaned in and whispered behind her hand loudly enough that everyone could still hear it, "It's really scary."

"His pants?" Wiess looked at the girl with confusion in her eyes, "Why would I be concerned with his pants?"

Ruby just looked at the girl and sighed, "Your parents didn't really love you, did they?"

Holy shit, she caused two chicks to have an out of body experience in one day with her on the money sick burns. Ruby really hits you where your insecurities live.

Wiess recovered and ground her teeth while clenching her fist, "Ruby Rose, Jaune Arc. I will have my revenge!"

"You still want to fight?" I asked Yang as we watched the richest girl in school stomp away.

"Nah." she denied, "That kinda killed the mood."

"Well, don't be a stranger anytime you feel the need to have Daddy work you over." I grinned.

"You're not going to have a girlfriend for very long." Yang shook her head at me.

"I am pretty sure that if I hook a three way with you she will propose to me." I laughed.

"Please." She snarked, "Like you can handle all of this."

I liked the way her ass jiggled when she slapped it.

"I've never understood women who think I can't handle sleeping with them." I shook my head unamused, "Yes I can! Unless your down stairs had a hard right angle in it or teeth, then we may have a problem I can't handle. Duck vagina would be confusing enough to warrant that statement. Are you a Duck Faunus?"

"What!" Yang squawked suspiciously like a duck, "I don't have a duck vagina!"

"Do you see this face?" I pointed to my super skeptical face, "This is my super skeptical face."

"Are you being serious right now?" She demanded.

"How very defensive of you to deflect my suspicions with a new question." I mused while stroking my chin inquisitively, "Very suspicious. What is your relationship to water?"

"I'm not a duck!" she yelled.

"I'll believe that when I see it for myself." I walked off leaving the frazzled teen to be tended to by her sister.

"How many duck jokes do you think it will take for her to crack and show us her pussy?" I asked as I sat down next to Blake who was rocking her black 'come fuck me right now' kimono.

At least that is how I feel about it.

"I'm not bi." Blake denied.

"But you are wondering if she has a duck vagina."

"My money is on teeth." she denied.

"Shark teeth or human teeth?" I asked seriously.

"Human." she responded.

"Fucking creepy." I shuddered about the idea of a vagina doggy denture style.

"I can hear you!" Yang yelled from atop her nearby sleeping bag.

"And you should be glad we aren't calling some SCP agency to come and figure you out." I responded, "I am Big Daddy Jaune. I pushed more peeter, more sweeter and more completer than any other peter pusher around. I'm a hard bodied, hairy chested, rootin' tootin' shootin', parachutin' demolition double cap crimpin' frogman. There ain't nothin' I can't do. No sky too high, no sea too rough, no muff too tough. And you say I can't handle your pussy? I'm pressing X girl, cause I'm full of doubt."

"Holy shit, Jaune!" Yang screamed, "You can handle my pussy, now please never say anything like that speech again."

"Call me Big Daddy Jaune." I grinned at my victory as the auditorium lights went out.