Choosing Me.

Looking in the rear-view mirror I see Denver laying with his head on top of the box holding his toys, peacefully sleeping, no idea what is to come for us. Honestly, I had no idea either. I sit at the stop light admiring the dark sable coloring of my 3 year old German Shepherd. If there was one thing I have been given by luck, it is my four legged best friend. And in a time like this, he is all I have.

I look up to see a green light, realizing I had no clue when it had changed from red. I looked behind me again, this time at the road, but there is no cars in sight. The benefit of traveling in the dead of the night I guess. I reach the speed limit and shift to get comfortable. Leaning back with my left leg propped up on the seat, a flood of memories circle in as my eyes follow the white lines on the road in front of me.

My mom. My dad. My older brothers. Nick.

The last one hurts the most. And he hurt me the most. Nick is my twin brother's best friend, its been the three of them + me since I was born. When I turned 18, that friendship I had with Nick turned into something more. A secret at first, but it didn't take anyone long to figure it out.

You would think a relationship built on a lifetime of friendship would be strong, with little to no flaws. However, that was far from the case for us. The white lies, the stupid secrets, the flirting with other girls, after years of pursuing me and wanting me. And yet when he would come home, we'd live in pure bliss. Maybe he thought I didn't know, maybe he didn't see it as wrong doing, either way I did not stick around to find out. I truly believed if I did more for him he would give all his attention to me. I tried and tried for the last two years. Until that night.

That night. I got off earlier than expected, a surgery was postponed last minute. I pulled in the driveway and could hear Denver barking from the backyard, asking myself why he was outside at this time of night. I remember the odd feeling that set in as I called out Nick's name and walked down the hallway. I opened the bedroom door and was instantly frozen with anger, hurt, every feeling I could imagine. Jena was laying in my bed next to Nick, I didn't have to lift the sheet to know they weren't wearing any clothes underneath. Both of them sleeping, I reached into the closet and grabbed the shotgun tucked behind the trim. I stood there tears building in my eyes. I swallowed the hurt, racked the shot gun, and his eyes shot open.

We locked eyes, and I could see the instant regret come to his face. I already knew it was too late, and too far this time. I pointed to the door, and he reached for my hand. Without a second thought, I set the gun down and clocked him in the nose. Again, not saying a word, I pointed to the door. At this point Jena was awake, dressed, and gone. Maybe time was passing faster than I had thought, maybe only I was stuck in this slow motion state.

He got up and left. I slammed the door behind him. I brought Denver in, and began to collect myself. What next? I asked myself this over and over again. Deep down, I knew this day would come. It was clear he had not respected me as his girlfriend for some time, if at all. It was on me for hiding this side of our relationship, for allowing it to continue for the mere thought of him being the perfect man I always imagined he was. I won't ever make that mistake again.

I snap out of my trace, and look at the directions displayed on my screen..5 miles. Instant panic sets in as I realize I completely spaced out during my walk down memory lane.

The last five miles went slow compared to the 45 I could not remember. I pulled into the hotel parking lot, and took a deep breath. Grabbing the small bag I packed to bring into hotels, I hop out and cold air hits my skin. Denver jumps out with me, running straight to the grassy strip in front of the hotel, jumping around. I call his name, and he returns back to my side. We walk into the hotel to check in, surprisingly there are quite a few people still inhabiting the bar and restaurant. I move past them. I have already decided this is not where I will stay, I will continue East, this is only for one night. No need to make friends.

Denver and I settle into the king sized bed once we reach the room. Like always, he falls asleep on his back tucked between my arm and side, instantly. I turn on the TV and search for a show, settling on old reruns of NCIS. It reminds me of my brothers as we'd watch this every night over the summer. Guilt sets in, no one knows I have left, that'll be a battle for tomorrow I'm sure. But for now, Denver and I are onto new beginnings.