9 Chapter 9

I smell grease, and melted cheese. I think I even smell bacon. My stomach roars and I sit up quickly, causes me to go lightheaded temporarily.

Alex jumps back a little next to me, startled, "Hey, I thought you were still asleep."

I look down at the bag in front of him and the wrapped burger in his hand. He smiles sweetly at me and hands me the burger.

"There's also fries in the bag, and," he turns to the nightstand, coming back with a tall drink, "I got you a chocolate shake. I thought you could use something sweet after all of this."

I take the shake from him and dig in the bag for the promised fries. Setting the food in front of me I feel a desire to inhale it all, but I just sit there playing with the fries.

"How are you feeling?" Alex gently nudges me with his shoulder, holding a fry that hangs from his lip.

I shrug, "Just... Thinking a lot."

"What about?"

Poking my burger with a fry I try to hide the quivering in my lip, "My mom, she's all I've thought about."

"You can talk to me you know," he puts down his food, "I'm here for you any way I can be. What's going on up in your head?"

I fight the lump in my throat, "I miss her so much. She's all I have, and we were barely getting by with both of us working nonstop. I'm worried about how she's affording food and paying the bills. I thought about what you said that our parents haven't reported us missing and that makes me question if she even noticed. Is she too busy? Does she not care? Is she glad I'm gone? What if this whole time I was just in her way?"

I can't fight the tears any longer, and once they start falling nothing stops them. Suddenly I'm buried into the warmth of his neck and embrace.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers softly, "I never meant to make you question your relationship with your mom. And I can promise she's thinking of nothing but you. She wouldn't take on two jobs on top of her school if she didn't love you and want to give you a good life. I promise I'll find a safe way to let you talk to her soon, and I promise we'll send something to help her get by."

I have no words, I'm crying so hard I couldn't speak if I wanted to. I wrap my shaking arms around him and grasp his shoulders as I cry into his shirt. I desperately try to calm down but lately it seems I can only cry, I finally can release all these emotions I've had to bottle up.

After a long period of crying, I start to run out of tears. Alex never lets go and even begins petting my hair and rocking me. I finally feel like he understands what I'm going through, and that he really is doing all he can in our situation.

I decide to pull back, seeing the wet stain on his shirt. I cringe and apologize, "Hey it's ok. It's one shirt, right?" he smiles tenderly, "Now please eat, I want to make sure you stay healthy. Plus those shakes really are awesome."

I look at my food and feel my appetite return. Digging into the food, my body relaxes with bliss.

"Did you leave your mom a note or anything?" Alex inquires, giving me a sideways glance.

Slowing down with my food, I feel my stomach drop, "Yeah, I did. Did you?"

He nods, "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I love her and that I'm going to try and come home soon. I promised her I would be in contact and be safe but that she can't look for me. I told her I need to deal with some stuff and then I'll come home and tell her everything."

He bites his tongue and gently nods.

"What did you tell your parents?"

He hesitates. I start to think he won't answer when I start hearing a gently sound come from him. I realize he's trying not to cry.

"I told them I couldn't do it anymore. I was sick of them getting called to the school because of my fights and not defending me. Of them always rushing off to work without acknowledging me. I told them I needed to get away, and that since my grandparents died I felt alone. I told them I loved them but I'm turning 18 soon and I just need to leave. I said that they needed to let me go and that I wasn't sure if I'm going to come back."

"Do you mean that? You might not go back?"

"I really don't know, I've felt disconnected from them for years," he twiddles his thumbs, "Yeah we struggle but we get by. They don't need to work as long as they do, and they don't have to rush off every day without talking to me. I don't see much to go back to."

I don't know what to think. I never really knew him, I barely ever spoke to him, he was just a guy I had a crush on. Regardless, I couldn't imagine going back to school and him not being there. He's always been there, when someone was getting bullied or when someone started thinking they were better than everyone else. Alex keeps people honest.

"Where will you go?"

He looks over at me, "I don't really know, but at least it'll be an adventure. Wouldn't you rather go travel instead of going back to Englewood?"

"I think I've had enough adventure to last a lifetime. I'll miss you if you leave though, who else will punch those idiot jocks out for being such tools?"

"I'm sure someone is waiting to take that job, and the first time they lose a tooth they'll wish they hadn't."

"Then why do it?" I pick up my shake, "Why start throwing punches?"

"Because I refuse to back down, the second I back down when challenged is the second they stop being afraid to face me, the think they won."

From there we eat in silence, his words run through my head. Everything made sense but I just couldn't understand a lot of his choices, and how he was so sure of them.

As he gathered all the trash and threw it away, I washed my face and changed into fresh comfortable pajamas. It was hard to look in the mirror, I felt like I was looking at a stranger. The Jules of three weeks ago wouldn't have gone out with a random guy, wouldn't have gone out at all, she wouldn't have cried this much, or be on the road with the schools bad boy.

I step out and find Alex digging through his bag. He accidentally elbows mine and it spills onto the floor, I watch my pencils and pads spread across the floor and dart to catch the pages before he sees any of my work.

"I'm sorry, that was an accident I swear," he gets down and helps gather the pencils, "I didn't damage anything did I? I know you work really hard on these."

The drawing of him in bed peaks from under a few older drawings and I snatch it up as quick as I can while he picks up a few others, I feel my heart rush and my chest get tight.

"Jules, these are incredible," he looks at me in awe, "Like seriously, these are so amazing I don't know why you don't do something with this. You could make a lot of money."

"I don't know, I spend a week on one drawing because I'm so busy," I slow down, looking at the scattered papers, "Plus, these aren't even that good."

He holds the papers, studying them carefully before tossing them onto the bed. They scatter again.

"Hey!" I lunge for them but he catches my face and holds me in front of him, "Umm, Alex?"

"Do me a favor? Just shut up," I stare at him in shock, "You have beat yourself up all year, and this whole time we've been on the road you've put yourself down. So shut up, you get the best test scores at school, our teachers think you're a miracle. Your art is amazing, you could make so much money if you wanted. You shield yourself so you can pretend you don't care, hoping no one will hurt you but that hurts you just as much because you feel so much. You have such a big heart you sacrifice everything for your mom, you deny yourself even the littlest things. You carry yourself here and around school and try to hide your body, keeping your face low, trying to turn every compliment into a joke because you don't see just how freaking beautiful you are inside and out."

I sit there, I grip my pants to hide my shaking hands, "Alex, I--"

"No, you can't talk your way out of this. I don't give a damn what you say I know that's the truth. You think you're so invisible but... You're impossible to miss."

I lower my eyes and his hands drop. Slowly, I let my head fall into his lap. He wraps his hand around my head, using the other to pull my bent legs closer.

"Alex I'm scared," I wrap my fingers around his upper arm, he doesn't pull away, "I'm so scared," my eyes well up again and my ears get warm.

He gently runs his fingers through my hair, "I know," the tears start falling and I tighten my grip on him.

"I want to go home Alex, I want to forget this even happened," He sits quiet against me, "I want to go back to my bed in my house. I miss school, and my boss and my regular customers, I miss sitting in my room and drawing in the middle of the night with my headphones in."

Slowly he slips out from under me and goes into my bag. He digs around in my bag for a bit and eventually pulls out my ipod and my headphones. He picks up my pad and pencils and hands them all to me.

"I know it's not the same, and I will do everything I can to make this more bearable until I can get you home but I hope for now you can find a piece of home in this. I'm going out for a bit, you can come if you want or you can stay. It's up to you," I take the stuff out of his hands and throw my arms around him.

"Thank you," I whisper into his neck, "Thank you for trying so hard to help me through this. I think I'll stay here."

He nods and helps me get comfortable with my stuff on the bed before grabbing his coat and heading for the door.

"Do you know how long you'll be gone?" I wiggle my pencil in my fingers trying to ignore the dried, crusty tears on my cheeks.

"Maybe an hour, two tops, is there something you need?"

"I was thinking about getting some more food soon, maybe even finding a late movie on TV? You know, to take the edge off."

"Yeah, I can get behind that. What are you thinking? Chinese, fried chicken, Italian; hey I think there's a good thai place close by. You have not lived until you have tried thai coffee."

"That actually sounds awesome, I could go for some thai right now."

He comes and sits by me, taking my pencil and finding a napkin to write on. We spend the next 10 minutes deciding what we're getting and me begging him to pick up something sweet before he gives in and surrenders.

He walks out the door with a smile, and I feel one form too as I look down at my paper and pick a song.