36 Chapter 36

My head hurts. Alex stands there watching me, not saying a word. I think the silence is making my headache worse than the yelling did.

"So was I right?" He shifts his gaze to the door.

"What- What do you mean?"

"Now you see me differently, don't you? You see me the way I see myself. Violent, crazed, savage, unhinged..." He takes a deep breath, I can hear it shake as the pain he's trying to hide is clear on his face. "Monster."

"Alex, I... I never said that. I'm just-"

"Scared," He gives a sad smile before looking away again, "Yeah I know. You said. That's the problem."

"What does it matter what I think? I'm not even sure I know what I think, I just... I don't know..."

"What does it matter?" I hear a genuine laugh leave him, "You're kidding aren't you? It matters Jules, you're... Different. You make me feel different, you make me feel normal, you make me think, you don't put up with my crap and you definitely put me through hell when I deserve it. You're real. I haven't had that in a long time. So yeah, what you think matters, and I'm sorry I scared you I just..." He presses his hand to the wall and leans into it, looking angry again, "I saw how he was hurting you and I couldn't take it. You've been through enough, and I hated seeing how he broke your heart."

"Why do you care so much?" I ask, my voice hushed.

He doesn't say anything at first. I start thinking he isn't going to say anything when, "There's something about you. It's something I can't explain, and I've never experienced before. You make me care, I don't know how but, I do. I care about losing you, I care about making you happy or finding out why you're sad... I care about making it all better. Like, hell, that first night when you said guys don't notice you, that killed me. You're too incredible not to notice and I could tell you right now, if I was your boyfriend I'd wait on you hand and foot, I'd shower you with affection every day, I'd do another for you..." His voice trails off as he sits on the bed next to me. "So, was I right? After all this, after seeing me and what I'm like do you think differently of me? Is my soul too dark and confusing and twisted for you?"

I stare at him, taking in his hair that has become a mess due to his stress and constant touching, I look at the sharp green eyes that just beg me for an answer. For the life of me I can't understand why my answer is so important, why I'm so important. I place my hand over his chest and smile.

"Good heart..." I chuckle. "Bad temper."

He visibly calms down. He puts his hand over mine, his warmth seeping into me. Our eyes stay locked, longer than I would expect them to, and I can't fight the fluttering feeling in my chest. The feeling fades when he comes go realize how long he's been staring, he clears his throat, pats my hand and gets off the bed.

"I still think we should leave. Tonight or tomorrow morning, it's up to you."

I feel a chuckle vibrate inside me, "How about yesterday?"

He laughs with me as he shakes his head and grabs his bag, slowly putting everything away. I don't move yet, I'm still a little shaken by what's happened. It's been... An eventful day, to say the least.

"Hey Jules?" He stops packing and looks at me. I watch him in silence, allowing him the opportunity to speak. "Thank you."

"For what?" I feel my cheeks and neck warm up.

"For being you, for being so understanding, for helping me be better. And I'm sorry about your dad."

I shake my head, "It's ok, I know you were just looking out for me. You didn't even hit him that hard." That last part is a bullshit lie.

"Oh, not that. Hell I would punch him again if I had the chance, I won't apologize for giving that ass what he deserved." He shakes his head, but I see a little anger burn in his eyes for a moment. It's quick to disappear again as he shrugs his shoulders at me. "I'm sorry he let you down again."

"Oh... I.... I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Once a deadbeat, always a deadbeat I guess." I climb off the bed and grab my bag. I don't want to think about my dad anymore.

We pack in silence. I can feel him watching me from time to time. I attribute the butterflies in my stomach to the intense day. I stall, taking the time to nicely fold everything in my bag before zipping it shut. Alex is leaning against the wall waiting for me, just staring into nothing. He seems different, calmer, like finally opening up like that took this weight off him.

He offers to take my backpack and we leave. The desk attendant gives us a funny look as we check out. I start to wonder if people heard us arguing. Embarrassment floods my stomach as I put my head down, silently praying Alex would hurry up.

The streets are still crowded, and I have to loop my arm with Alex's so we don't get separated. The bus stop isn't far, but it's not an easy trip. Not even three in the afternoon and there are drunk people, newlyweds, ten Elvis Presley's, and hundreds of tourists lining the street.

The bus stop isn't much better. Alex has to wait in line for what feels like a small eternity, trying to get any tickets. The buses are all filling up faster than I thought possible, kids with their parents, old couples, honeymooners all file into bus after bus.

When Alex finally gets us tickets, he finds me at the terminal bench, watching all the people. So many mixed emotions. I wonder what emotions people see when they look at me.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex sits next to me, pulling his arms and shoulders in close as he watches me watch everyone else.

"I wonder what brought these people here, or to where they're going, you know? What choices lead them here? Where are their choices leading them now?"

"Well, there are the obvious reasons. Adventure, family, work, money..." He watches the people as they pass us and then glances back down at me, "Love, curiosity. A lot of things can bring us to where we are."

"What brought us here?" I chuckle. I know for me it was stupidity and nosiness. If I hadn't looked down that alley none of this would have happened.

I look up at Alex, who stares at me with sad eyes and a blank face. "Fate," He says, "I think it was fate."

I don't have time to try and find any words before I hear someone call out the next bus is loading. Alex stands up and offers me his hand, I guess this is us, going who knows where this time.

He takes my bag and helps me onto the bus, he still looks bothered by something as we take our seats. He tries to distance himself from me, leaning away from me and trying to look anywhere but at me. I can tell he's upset when his leg starts bouncing, his hand resting on his anxious knee.

Reaching out I take his hand. I'm met with wide, confused eyes. I don't let him speak before I loop my arm through his, pulling him close and resting my head on his shoulder. He's tense, but I'm stubborn, and slowly he starts to relax. I don't hide my smile when I feel him wrap his hand around mine. My hand soaks in the strong warmth of his arm and his hand, keeping me trapped.

"Thank you," He whispers down to me.

I nod and let myself get comfortable against him. I find odd pleasure in my ability to know when something is wrong, even more so knowing I can make it better.

The bus starts moving. I listen to the aimless chatter of the people around us as Alex slowly seems to fall into a peaceful sleep. I watch the colorful, busy city of Las Vegas disappear through the windows, I'm glad to be leaving. Maybe I'll call mom, after meeting my dad I miss her more than ever.

I can feel myself dozing off to sleep as the trip drags on. The random conversations are like listening to the radio. The rocking a vibrating off the bus make it difficult to keep my eyes open. My peace is disrupted when I feel Alex stirring next to me.

Glancing up I see his eyes are still close. He might just be getting comfortable, I shrug it off and try and sleep.

"No..." His hushed words leave me wide awake. "No, enough," His words are quiet and slurred, but full of anger and fear.

I squeeze his arm which calms him only for a moment. He's quick to start talking again, faster, angrier.

"No. Get out! Enough, that's enough. Get out, I'm done!" I squeeze his arm as he tosses and mumbles to himself. "I don't... No! I don't want to!"

"Alex," I squeeze tighter and pull him closer, trying to wake him up. "Alex, what's wrong?" I whisper.

"Don't want to," He whines, "I won't! I don't want to! Get out, you can't... I won't... I don't want..."

"Alex?"

"No..." I start to see tears leak out of his eyes as he talks. "No please... I don't want to."

I listen, now just scared and entranced. He's quiet for a moment. Then my heart drops.

"No... I don't want to hurt her!"