32 Chapter 32

Alex taps his foot nonstop as we wait for the bus to start. We were the first people on so we have to wait for everyone else to load up. He's pinching the bridge of his nose and biting his lip, he looks like he's in pain.

"Alex..." I reach out to put a hand on his shoulder.

I don't touch him before he snaps his hand up, knocking mine away. He leans away from me shaking my head.

"We stayed too long, we should have left last night," He groans and smacks his forehead with the butt of his hand, "My head is killing me! What is taking so long?"

"We're not the only ones leaving Arizona, Alex. You rushed into the bus, everyone is still getting on," I keep my voice low as people get closer and seats fill up.

"Just shut up! Please just stop talking," He hisses at me, clenching his fist tightly, "I just want to get out of here, before this gets bad."

I slump into my seat, being quick to put in my earbuds. My hair stands on edge as he fidgets next to me, I'm glad he's become able to recognize the warning signs of his... I don't know, possession? But as nice as having those warning signs is, it's terrifying knowing what they mean and what could be coming if we don't leave soon enough.

The movement of the bus brings welcomed hope that maybe we can get out before Alex stops being able to fight it. Glancing over at him, I see relief temporarily come over the fear and pain on his face.

His leg is bouncing the entire trip, and it's all I can think about. He's making me nervous with his nerves. I reach a point that I can't take it anymore, without a second thought or hesitation I reach out and grab his knee. He responds just as quickly by grabbing my wrist and pulling it off his knee.

He bites his tongue and rolls his eyes before dropping my hand. I pull my earbuds out and watch him as he puts his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry," His fingers run through his hair, messing it up a little, "This is just... Unpleasant would be putting it lightly. It doesn't feel right, like I don't feel him sneaking his way in and controlling me. I don't feel like I'm going to black out anymore, but I still feel on edge and like I'm hearing things and nervous and... I feel like I'm on someone else's acid trip right now. I don't mean to be, hell I don't even know what. I think we just need to get to Vegas and I need to sleep."

"Vegas? We're going to Vegas?"

He looks up at me confused, he can clearly hear the edge in my voice. It takes a minute, but realization quickly hits.

"I'm an idiot," He says calmly before getting mad at himself, "I'm such a moron. You must hate the thought of being in the gambling capital of the country, I'm so sorry Jules. I didn't think about you or your dad or any of that, I'm so stupid."

I do cringe at the thought of going to Las Vegas, but it's not Alex's fault that I don't like Vegas, and he shouldn't punish himself for trying to keep us safe however he can.

"It's fine, really, I think it'll be ok if we just lay low. A few days won't kill me as long as I avoid anything with gambling," I try to laugh it off and fail. He still looks concerned so I take his hand and squeeze it, "It's ok."

He nods but doesn't look convinced as he stares at his shoes. His eyes are wide and nervous, he can't look at any one thing too long. For over half an hour his eyes dart around looking at people and out the window, then he looks at me.

He seems scared but his eyes focus on me. His foot stops tapping and I watch his fear soften into something else... Sadness? Worry? No... It was more apologetic.

"I'm sorry."

"Alex I already told you-"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry I stopped Tommy from asking you to homecoming. I should have let him, maybe then you could see how awesome you are."

I don't have words. He seems to run out of things to say too. Shaking his head he stares at his shoes again.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" He looks up, eyes bloodshot suddenly, but he seems more alert.

"Are- Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I suddenly feel a lot better. My eyes burn a little but I think it's just me being tired, you know?"

I stare at him. Unsure how to respond I try to take his hand to give it a squeeze but he pulls away.

"Are you alright?" He gives me a funny look.

I nod before leaning back in my seat. I can feel my energy draining, I don't know how much longer I can do this, the mood swings, the bus rides, the city changes, it's all becoming a bit much.

"I don't think I want to draw while we're here. I don't want to think about the people here."

He nods, "Do you think, maybe..."

"I don't care, if he is here he can go kiss it. It's a busy city, even if he is here he'd never find me, too much time has passed."

Alex watches me a moment before nodding again and slouching in his seat. We drive in silence from then on, it's not like we need to tell each other when we get there, it's obvious.

The city is lit up like a firework display, flashing lights and bustling people. It's like the sun is on earth because even at night it isn't dark. People line every street as we near the bus stop. I imagine it's easy to go unnoticed around here.

There are casinos everywhere we look and the thought that maybe my dad is in one of them makes me sick. What are the chances though? Honestly he probably gambled himself into homelessness years ago and is either dead or sleeping on a street corner.

Alex puts his hand on my shoulder, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Umm," I'm not sure what to say. I think back to the numerous times Alex has told me to stop putting on a strong face, and he's right, I hate it. I stare out the window and feel my lip quiver, "No not really, I don't... I don't know honestly."

He gives me a light squeeze, "We won't be here long, I promise. Is there anything I can do? Maybe talk about it?"

I think for a moment, "Do you think he could be here? Do you think I ever cross his mind?"

"I can't imagine how you couldn't..." He smiles, "I haven't known you long but I don't know anyone could walk away and not think about you."

My brain turns to mush and I don't realize I'm speaking until I hear the words, "What about you? Will you think of me when this is all over?"

He chuckles, "Like I said... It's hard not to."

He looks away as we pull into the bus stop. I just stare at him, I wasn't expecting that, I'm not sure what I was expecting but... Not that.

He eventually helps me regain function and we get off the bus. Getting a cab will be hell that's for sure, but it looks like there are motels and hotels everywhere.

All the lights and noise give me a headache, it's incredibly overwhelming. I stay close to Alex, who watches me wearily.

"Are you ok?" He leans in next to my ear, taking my hand in his, stimulating me even more.

"It's a lot to take, and a lot that's happened, I'm just... Overwhelmed, I'm ready to lie down," I have to raise my voice to be heard over all the people around us.

"Let's go, get out of this mess," He wraps his arm around my shoulder as I duck my head down to avoid the bustle.

We walk for about fifteen minutes and my head is killing me when we finally duck into a building.

Alex steps away while I rub my temples and stare at the floor, "You got any rooms?"

My ears are ringing and I try to ignore the conversation, just so sick of noise right now. This motel doesn't have any rooms, but they point us to one that does down the street. I don't care as long as I can get some quiet.

Alex helps me get through the crowds of people as we make our way to the new motel. He doesn't bother with being polite as he hurries to get us a room for while we're here. He pays for a week but tells the desk clerk we might not stay that long.

The room is small, one bed of course. I can hear our neighbors laughing but it's much quieter than it was outside. I lay belly down on the bed and try to just breathe.

"Do you ne-"

"Shhh. Need quiet."

He sits on the bed next to me. It's silent, a little awkward, but blissfully quiet.

My peace is disturbed by my growling stomach, "Food," I groan, "Are you hungry?"

"A little. How about pizza?"

"Yes please," I crawl and get under the covers.

I listen to him call down to the front desk, trying to stay quiet as he asks for the number of the closest pizza parlor. He keeps his voice at a whisper as he orders and turns off the lights. Dark silence is just what the doctor ordered.

I feel myself falling asleep as Alex sits next to me, making the bed dip to accommodate his weight. His warm rests on my shoulder, applying gentle pressure to my muscles.

"Jeez," I groan, "With hands like those how are you single?" I cringe the moment the words leave my mouth.

"You haven't even seen half of what these hands can do baby," I snap my head around to glare at him, he shrugs, "Sorry that was kind of... A reflex."

I lay my head back down and try to forget what he said. I try to be patient as I wait for food to arrive but I'm hungry and tired and it's making me irritable.

Alex catches on to my overall annoyance and goes to take a shower. I can hear our neighbors laughing and talking about slots and cards. I hate Vegas.

I hear a knock at the door, but Alex is still in the shower. I'm not sure what to do, so I try to move across the room making as little noise as possible. I have to get on my tip toes to see out the peephole. It's the pizza guy. I don't know what to do, Alex wants to keep me hidden and I don't know where his wallet is or if mine has enough money to pay for the food.

Cringing I grab his jacket and dig in his pockets, finding his wallet hidden inside. Opening the door I keep my head down and take the box. He tells me it's $19.50, so I hand him $24 and tell him to keep the change. Next time I draw I'll sneak the other $5 in his wallet.

Taking the box, I crawl back in bed and open the cardboard to see the delicious, greasy mess in front of me. The cheese is still gooey and warm, the pepperoni looks warm and greasy, and the smell of the mushrooms on my half makes my stomach come alive.

I sit there and devour three slices by the time Alex comes out of the bathroom. I'm not sure if that speaks more to how fast I eat or how slow he showers.

"Guess you were hungry," He chuckles as he rubs his head with a towel. I'm not currently impressed with that charming crooked grin.

My glare seems to say enough as he nods his head and sits on the end of the bed. Pulling a slice of pizza out for himself he smiles at me. I finish two more slices in the time he finishes his first.

"You doing alright?" He asks as I push the box away and curl up on the pillow.

"Just tired, too much thinking today," I close my eyes and try not to think about my dad as I fall asleep because I'm almost one hundred percent sure, he isn't thinking about me.