30 Chapter 30

Alex has been walking on eggshells. He's been so attentive its suffocating, he keeps asking if I'm alright and if there's something bothering me. What bothers me is knowing how paranoid he'll get if I tell him about the phone call.

I've sent him across the street back to the Starbucks while I finish up one of my last few portraits of the day. I'm signing my name and getting my money by the time he's walking back. I see my drink in one hand and a bag in the other.

"I got you a cake pop," he smiles gently at the blonde 30-something year old as he hands me the bag and cup.

"A what?" Looking in the bag I see a little pink ball on a stick, it smells so good.

"They take cake and smush it into a ball, put on a stick and dunk it chocolate or frosting or whatever. You haven't eaten much today and you seem tired, I thought a little sugar would help. I got the birthday cake one, it looked the best."

I give him a empathetic look, as I mouth "thank you" to him. He's really trying. And it really does look good.

I take a few sips of my drink and eat the delicious little treat before starting my next portrait. It'll be dark soon, so I have to hurry.

Alex watches me draw, sitting behind me and staring at the paper. He's become fascinated with how I draw, it's flattering. I'm trying to hide my blush when my phone rings. It causes me to jump a little, causing Alex to flinch and shoot me a worrisome look.

"Do you want me to get that for you?" he asks.

"Ummm," I feel my stomach form knots, "No, my mom probably butt dialed me, I know she's working right now. It's no biggie."

"Are you sure?" He pulls my bag onto the table and opens the main pocket, "I could at least hit the end call button so it doesn't distract you."

"Really Alex, it's ok," I snap, stunning him, "I'm sorry, I'm just tired and I'm really trying to focus here."

He nods and looks down at my bag, now I feel awful. I go back to drawing, desperately trying to just finish.

After the couple I was drawing has paid, Alex and I call it a night. I made a little more than $100 with tips so it wasn't a bad day. Alex and I are silent packing up. He doesn't look sad or worried, he looks angry. He carries my stuff to the cab and doesn't say anything on the drive to the motel. It makes me scared, I feel sick to my stomach.

I watch him out of the corner of my eye, watching him lick his lips over and over again and listening to him tap his finger on the door.

Once we reach the motel, I get out with my stuff while he pays the driver. I walk to the room door to wait for him, I shiver but I can't tell if its from nerves or the chilly air. He breezes past me with the key, still silent. I follow hesitantly, not sure what will happen.

He carefully closes the door behind me, holding onto the doorknob longer than he needs to. He's never radiated this much pure frustration without speaking, and the fact that he isn't speaking scares me because I don't know what's going on. I feel a lump form in my throat as scared tears cause my eyes to burn.

"Who called you?" his voice is low as he speaks through gritted teeth.

"Wha--"

"Who called you? Tell me!" He spins to face me, I can't read him, I back up a few steps.

"I don't know, like I said my mom might have--"

"Stop it! I know that's a lie, you never hesitate to pick up for your mom! Who called you!"

The tears start leaking out and I shake harder. I feel my entire body get rigid as my stomach forms knots.

"Jules?"

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Jules!"

I snap out of my thoughts. Alex is staring at me, his brow furrowed and mouth hanging open. I can't look him in the eye, he just stares me down and sends his angry energy through me. My breathing gets shaky and fast, I feel sick enough to throw up. The anger written all over him doesn't let up.

"Damn it Jules! Who called you? Tell me who knows your number! You know you weren't supposed to use that for anyone but your mom! Who else have you been talking to? Does anyone know where we are? Answer me!"

I feel my chest get tight and I start coughing, I can't hide how hard I'm shaking. Alex must read this as me feeling guilty, but my brain can't form any words to tell him what's happening.

He grabs my backpack and pulls out the phone, I watch as he pulls up a number and calls it. I feel terror set in as my breathing gets faster and shorter, the coughs get heavier, and my head gets light.

Out of nowhere I lose any feeling in my body and drop to the ground, everything goes dark. The last thing I see is a sideways view of the floor and room, yet I feel no impact.

My mind is blank, I can't think of feel anything. I now can't see or hear. I don't really understand for a moment, but quickly realize I've passed out. My mind completely shuts down, my last thought being a burning, terrifying question.

Who is on the other end of that phone?

I let go unwillingly, as if I'm falling asleep but I really don't want to. My mind slips into a void for a few moments before I feel a pull back.

I hear Alex faintly as light streams back through my eyes.

"Jules? Jules wake up!" I feel his hands grip my shoulders, he's not shaking me but I feel his hands shaking.

I blink a few times to adjust to the light. My eyes burn in the intense brightness.

"Jules can you hear me?" I groan and push his hands away. He sits next to me and lets out a deep sigh, "Please don't do that again, ever!"

I shoot him a quick glare and try to sit up. Alex reaches out to stop me.

"Maybe you should just... You know, lie still for a bit, take a minute to recuperate."

"Recuperate? Seriously?"

He cracks a small smile, "I heard it in a movie once."

I roll my eyes as well as my body, slowly getting onto my stomach to push myself up. My head hurts really badly, probably from hitting the floor, rolling over makes it feel like I have a rock in the place my brain should be.

With a pained moan, I push myself up and sit on the bed. I freeze at the sight of my phone next to me. I don't know how long I've been out, I don't know if Alex got ahold of whoever called me. I don't know if he's still angry at me for supposedly calling someone else. He sees me staring.

"It was an Idaho number. You don't know anyone in Idaho do you?" He keeps his voice soft. I shake my head, "I knew it wasn't your mom by the way you acted. I didn't know why you didn't just tell me so I assumed you were trying to hide it. I'm... I'm sorry, I got scared and I was worried someone knew where we are and could get to you. I just- I feel stupid now. I'm sorry."

"Did anyone pick up when you called?" My voice trembles a little.

"I hung up when you fell... I wanted to make sure you were ok, you really scared me when you didn't get right back up," he sits next to me on the bed and lets out an exhausted chuckle, "Who knew three minutes could feel like an eternity."

"I was only out for three minutes? Seriously?" It felt like seconds and hours at the same time.

I sit there unsure what to say, I want to ask what we do about the call? Do we leave? Do I get a new phone? Do I no longer get a phone at all? Do I need to call my mom and tell her that's the last time I can talk to her until I'm home?

"Are you ok?" Alex places his hand on my shoulder, "Hey, are you alright? Are you going to pass out again?"

"No, at least I don't think so," I shrug his hand away and lay down to stare at the ceiling, "What now?"

With a sigh he lays back next to me, "I don't know. You don't know anyone in Idaho, I was never planning to take us there, and there's nothing to prove that anyone knows where we are. Yet at the same time, we don't know for sure that they don't know, I mean they got your number so they could probably easily get our location. Right now I'm thinking, we stay one more day and then leave."

"What about my mom, the phone?" I reach for the phone and just stare at it for a while.

"I... I don't really know, I think that should be up to you. It doesn't change anything, it just means you could be getting those calls, if you can deal with that then fine. If you can't I could, I guess, get you a new one."

"Is that a good idea though? I don't know how much money you have left, I don't want to waste it."

He smiles at me, "It wouldn't be a waste if it made you happy and comfortable. It's your call. Why don't you think about it? I'll get us something quick to eat and we can go to bed, maybe find some game shows?"

I nod as he sits up and grabs his wallet. I tell him what sounds good to eat and watch him leave to find us food.

While he's gone I fidget. I count my money, $260 in total plus whatever I make tomorrow. I count how many pages are left in my sketchbook. I count again. I sharpen my colored pencils and my art pencils. I gather all of our trash to throw away. I organize my duffle bag. I physically can't sit still. I'm tempted to call home, but if my mom is off work I want to let her rest. I want to leave Arizona, but I don't want to leave if we don't have to. I'm stuck mentally and I don't know what to do, every shuffle outside makes my hair stand on end, every electronic sound makes me jump and move away from my phone.

By the time Alex is back, I'm edgy and exhausted. He puts on the tv while we eat but I don't finish the show or my sandwich before my limbs get heavy and my eyes droop. I don't bother fighting as I fall quickly into gentle sleep. This time I let go willingly and embrace the peace and safety of the void.