28 Chapter 28

New Mexico leaves fast. From falling asleep before I'm even aware, to getting on a bus and halfway to Arizona in the blink of an eye. Alex, very kindly, let me know where we were going before we got on the bus. I haven't heard much of anything anyone has said though today, I just feel tired and tender.

I barely remember the post office, as Alex had done most of the talking and I was barely awake. Ever since last night, I've been out of it and he's been stepping up and being so helpful. He's carried all of our stuff all day.

As the bus rocks and vibrates, I relax into the seat and let my mind wander back to the previous night. I felt as if I had died and gone to heaven.

Alex's hand were so warm and even when he was pressing and it hurt it soothed me. He occasionally tried to talk to me before I fell asleep but his hushed voice and soft breath just pushed me deeper into the twilight of exhaustion.

Every time my shirt shifts and grazes my chest, it makes me want to go back. Alex had gotten brave, carefully choosing to go over my shoulders and run his fingers lightly over my collarbone. It caused me initially to flinch, but soon I was putty in his hands again.

"Jules?" Alex's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

I force my eyes open and stretch my bent elbow up to the bus ceiling, "Hmm?"

He gives a sweet smirk, "You alright?"

I nod, a sleepy smile glued to my face, "Never better."

"I don't think you actually ever woke up this morning," He chuckles.

"No probably not, I haven't slept that well in over two years. Maybe I can go back to sleep and stay that way until we get to Arizona."

"We'll be there in only a couple more hours, you can try to sleep but it won't last very long. How about you take a power nap and you can conk out when we get to the next motel."

"That sounds nice, what about dinner?"

"Worry about it later," I feel his hand run down my cheek, still warm and soft on my skin.

I let out a little satisfied squeak and shut my eyes. The sun has set and I'm glad to have the bright light out of my face.

"I'll wake you when we get there," Alex keeps his voice low, it's soft and smooth like melting butter.

"Ok, thank you," I quietly reply with a yawn before dozing back to sleep.

Upon waking I'm the only one still on the bus. I can hear people talking outside faintly. Why didn't Alex wake me?

Grabbing my backpack I hurry off the bus. Luckily it seems we just got off the bus, so it's not like I've been deserted in the middle of nowhere, but I don't see Alex anywhere. I see people crowding around the terminal, getting their bags or waiting for people to pick them up. Nowhere in the chaos, is Alex.

Panic sets in. I clutch my backpack to my stomach as I check the luggage compartment. My duffel is still there so I grab it too, but my bag was the last on the bus. Did he leave me here? Is he off getting directions again? Were we found?

"Alex?" I call out, my voice wavers with every syllable that leaves my mouth, "Alex, where are you?"

I see people start to stare at me. If it weren't for my obvious age they probably would have stepped in to help, thinking I'd lost a child. Instead they just watch me cautiously.

The quicker my breathing gets, the shallower my breaths, the more my stomach hurts. I feel ready to puke.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump and whip around ready to slap whoever is behind me.

"You really need to calm down, I don't think it's healthy that your first instinct is to slap people when they come up to you," Alex holds my wrist gently.

"Maybe don't sneak up on me! Where were you? I couldn't find you anywhere!"

His faint smile fades, "Sorry, I... I must've spaced out, I went to grab our bags," he holds up his duffel, "I went to grab a map and go to the bathroom, I'm just so used to you being right behind me I must have forgotten to wake you up. I'm really sorry."

I shove him off me in a huff, I'm so angry and I'm still tired. He takes a step back, raising his hands in what looks like surrender.

"I'm sorry, Jules," he slowly takes my bag from me, "Let's get you to a hotel so you can eat and rest."

I nod as he calls a cab to get us. I stay as close to him as I can without seeming creepy. I want to tell myself I'm shivering because I'm cold, but it's probably still in the upper 70's, I'm just too big of a wimp to admit I'm scared.

"How much longer?" I whimper, tapping my heels together.

"We'll be at a motel within the hour, I'll run and get us some food, you can get comfortable and rest. Don't worry, I'll take care of it, you just take care of you."

The cab pulls up and Alex carefully escorts me inside. This one smells worse than the last one, so much so I almost start gagging. The drivers little scented tree hanging from the rear-view mirror does nothing but swing in the open space.

Alex taps the back of the seat. His fingers tap at the same beat that his head bobs and it would be endearing if it weren't for him tapping right next to my ear. I feel like I'm functioning on no sleep, everything is almost heightened and it makes me want to scream. My clothes feel like clouds on my skin and Alex's warmth radiates into me, it pulls me into a peaceful state, then the horrendous smell of the cab hits and my head throbs from Alex's tapping and I'm pulled from my happy place.

"Alex," I reach out, not meaning for my hand to land on his knee but it does, "For my sanity's sake, please stop tapping."

He freezes and with a glance down to my hand and back at me, he balls his fist to stop tapping. Relaxing a little more, I rest my head back against his arm.

"Thank you."

It takes another ten minutes before we get to a motel that's cheap and has any rooms available. I once again get the task of standing around with our luggage while Alex gets us a room.

"What sounds good to eat?" He puts our keycard in the door and smiles at me, "I could eat a cow right now so I will literally eat whatever tonight."

"I want the most carb-loaded thing we can find. I don't know why."

His smirk returns and I can hear a breathy chuckle, "I can get behind that, I'm sure I can deliver."

He opens the door for me, following close behind. After he sets down our bags, he takes off his jacket, "I'll go out, find some food, do you want me to bring anything else back with me?"

I shake my head, flashing a reassuring smile before he leaves me alone in the room. Making the best of the situation, I pull out some comfortable clothes and start filling the tub. Running the water, I feel the chilly bathroom warm up, I can't see in the mirror anymore. I make sure to lock the bathroom door before I undress and step into the hot water, it's hotter than I thought it would be but it feels amazing.

I lose track of time, I just sit and relax, using the side of the tub as an arm rest. I pulled out my music and take the time in the bath to really listen to the lyrics as I watch my fingers graze the top of the water.

I've never done good with being in silence, it makes me anxious, but now I'm getting used to it. I used to sit in the art room with my teacher singing along to her radio, I used to work in a loud kitchen, I used to only accept silence when I slept. Since being on the road, it's been silent more often than not, my music doesn't do more than push back the silence. Is this what Alex had to deal with all the time, no job, parents never home, almost no friends?

I feel my hands getting pruney, I've never just sat in a tub this long. Do people really do this? I don't really get it, it's kinda just sitting in your own dirt and sweat, and the heat of the water makes my skin tingle... But at the same time, my aches feel better, and I feel calm and tired...

I see out of the corner of my eye the bathroom door move slightly. I take my earbuds out.

"Hello? Alex?"

It's silent. For a moment fear sets into my again.

"Jules? You alright in there?" Alex's voice shakes slightly.

"Ye--yeah, I'll be out in a minute," I unplug the drain and climb out.

I wrap a towel tightly around myself and peak out the door. Alex turns to face me, "Sorry, I came back and it was so quiet and I... The door was locked which I thought was odd..." He trails off as he watches me, "I brought spaghetti."

I look over at the bed to see two big plastic containers.

"Oh, thank you, uh give me a couple minutes," I pull back into the bathroom and pull on my clothes.

Stepping out into the room, I feel very vulnerable. He looks incredibly uncomfortable, for once he's the one blushing.

He hands me one of the containers, but won't make eye contact. We sit down in and eat with no words. I'm honestly feeling like I'm in heaven with every bite of butter soaked angel hair pasta. Alex looks like he feels the same with his spaghetti and meatballs.

Alex leaves me to throw the trash in the hotel dumpster, and I take it as a chance to get comfy in the bed.

"Still tired?" Alex questions as he walks in the door.

"Yeah, you pretty much put me in heaven the other night, I've never been so loose and relaxed. It's so much easier to sleep, and I actually feel like sleep is helping now. Whatever you did last night was amazing and I will probably never stop thanking you," I chuckle as he pulls off his shoes.

"I could always do it again, it's no big deal. I mean if it helped that much, I imagine it'll make drawing easier too."

I'm a little stunned, "Really? I wouldn't want to make you do anything you don't want to."

"Yeah, it's not a problem, I promise," He tries to smile as he pulls out pajamas and walks to the bathroom, "Let me get changed, I'll rub you some more and tomorrow if you want we'll find you a place to draw. How does that sound?"

"It sounds great, thanks, uh," I bite my cheek to keep from laughing, "I appreciate it. Go get changed, I imagine you're tired of being in jeans."

"Yeah a little," and he disappears from my sight.

I bite the tip of my finger waiting for him, trying to tell myself to calm down. I'm almost afraid to let him touch me at the risk my heart beats out of my chest.

He steps out a minute later in nothing but sweatpants, his hair normally pushed to one side is now all over the place. I feel my insides get warm and fluttery.

"You ready?"

Most definitely.