23 Chapter 23

Alex wants to leave tomorrow evening, three days out in the open makes him nervous. I think standing in the hot sun all day is fogging his judgment and making him paranoid. He's been in a mood all three days, quietly conversing only when I push him to.

I don't mind the silence between us, over the past couple days a lot of tourists have been telling other people at their hotels about me keeping me busy from the moment we set up to the moment we leave.

Alex and I have been almost completely silent to each other since that first night after doing portraits. He hasn't been chatty during the day and I'm too tired at night to bother.

"Tonight make sure your bags are ready to go. I have no problem letting you spend the day drawing again before we leave but when I say it's time to stop I'll need you to listen. Ok?"

I focus on drawing the young couple in front of me, halfheartedly listening to Alex, "Yeah that's fine. Can we just talk about this at lunch?"

He scoffs and slumps against his usual wall. I roll my eyes before going back to focusing on the couple. I give a small smile as they giggle, "So what brings you two to Texas?" I ask as I work on shading.

The woman starts giggling, her strawberry blonde hair bouncing and falling over her face, the man next to her smiling strongly as he holds her hand, "We're engaged," his smile only grows, "We're here to visit her family and pick a venue. Everything else is ready, we've picked a caterer and a theme, she has her dress. All we have left is the venue to pick."

She holds up her hand to show me the large diamond on her finger, it's beautiful in it's gold setting. They fight to get back into their pose so I can keep drawing.

"That's awesome, I'm happy for you guys," I keep my voice light.

They keep talking about their wedding day, how she loves her dress and how he can't wait to be with her forever and it's sweet and all but my brain wants to be cynical. I sit and think about how my mom never got her fairytale wedding, how the man she thought would be there forever just left, how I'm always so busy that I wouldn't know that kind of love if it hit me in the face.

I'm a drone for the rest of the portrait, it takes me a little longer to do since I spent ten minutes on her ring alone. They're happy, with each other, the drawing, with the future they have planned. I'm a drone, I have been for years. I'm probably going to be a drone for the rest of my life.

I go through another two portraits before Alex tells me to eat. We sit and eat together in silence, big surprise.

"Am I a drone?" I blurt out, catching him off guard with a piece of chicken hanging off a chopstick.

"What?" He laughs after regaining his composure and putting his food down.

"Am I a drone?"

He looks almost offended, "Where the hell would you get such a stupid idea?"

"I go through the motions, I do what has to be done and nothing else. That couple today, they're excited, I've never been that excited. My mom never got that dream wedding and I honestly don't think I ever will. I'll always be too busy for a love life, always fighting to stay afloat. Even if I did somehow manage to get married it'd be a cheap thing because who has that time or money. I'm a drone."

He starts laughing, hysterically. I don't know how to react to that, I don't think I've ever heard anyone laugh that hard.

"You do realize how dumb that sounds right? For a smart girl, that damn well might be the stupidest thing you could ever say!" He can't stop laughing, "You are not a drone, by any means. You're determined and you make major sacrifices to better those you love and your future. You go through the motions now so you can have a chance at more later. I could see us at some high school reunion someday and you'll amaze everyone because here you were, this girl no one knew, guys could never get to or understand, this incredible mystery, someone always moving and they'll see what a accomplished, free spirit you've become."

My eyes sting a little, I don't even know what to say. He stops laughing and just grins.

"So stop asking stupid questions, alright?" He avoids eye contact as he shoves more noodles into his mouth.

I can't do anything but watch him eat for a minute. I put down my food and turn back to my easel.

"I'm not hungry anymore, I'm ready to get back to work."

I grab my pencils and smile to an elderly couple who have been waiting inside a store for me.

"How much for the two of us, dear?" Her feeble hands shake as she reaches into her purse.

"Just ten dollars, anything special you want done for your portrait?"

"Oh no, just us sitting together, for ten dollars we'll keep it simple. We wouldn't want to cheat you poor girl, you have such talent."

I give a warm smile, "Thank you ma'am. Whenever you two are ready, you can have a seat and we can get started."

They sit and smile, their hands stay intertwined through all of it. I listen to them talk, talk about their marriage and their family. They've been together for almost 60 years, have three kids, and seven grandchildren. I look at them and see them look at each other like my classmates look at their boyfriends and girlfriends, after almost 60 years.

An hour and a half later, their portrait is done and he's shakily handing me a ten and a five.

"Keep the change, I expect to see your art in the news someday young lady," His smile is sweet, he jokingly shakes his finger at me, "A talent like yours belongs somewhere bigger than the streets."

His wife and him walk off down the street, I watch them for a minute in awe as they look into store windows. Alex is watching them too.

"Can we go now?" He stares at the concrete, bouncing his weight from one foot to the other.

"Are you alright?" I put my pencil down and stand next to him, he's shaking.

He chuckles as he wipes his nose, "I can't handle old people, I can't. They remind me too much of my grandparents, the way they kept talking about their grandkids, its how my nan and gramps talked about me to anyone who would listen. It's hard for me to be around old people, especially that old because it reminds me that I can't see them again, they really are gone, they would have been about that age."

I put my arms around him, gently. He flinches as I tighten my grip, hugging him, trying in my own way to tell him it's ok to hurt.

"Alex, thank you for sharing that with me," His hands and body shake, "It's not easy for anyone to talk about what they feel in our world. We're teenagers, everything we feel is 'a phase', and in our world expressing how I feel would be me being an emotional girl and for you most people would call you a sissy. But it's ok, because it makes us stronger, it takes courage to open up, even if it's something small like that. Truly, Alex, thank you."

I pull back to watch his eyes water a little, his lip shakes. I give him a moment to himself while I pack up my things and pocket the money I made today. Together, we carry our stuff back and prepare to leave by early afternoon tomorrow.

"I get how you were feeling with that older couple," I don't realize I'm speaking until the words have left my mouth, "I felt kind of the same with the engaged couple. I see them and think of what my mom missed out because of me, I see how easy it is for someone to walk away, I see something I don't think I'll ever have. It hurts, and I just want you to know you aren't alone in feeling hurt and like you're missing something."

He stares at me, his brow furrows slightly as he takes a second to think, "You really think you won't find that? You really think it would be easy for someone to walk away from you?"

"That's a little besides the point, don't you think?" I aggressively start shoving stuff into my duffle bag again.

"Remember Tommy, from school?"

I chuckle, "Varsity football player and class president Tommy? As much as I wish I didn't, I remember him, I remember watching you two at each other's throats twice a week."

"He almost asked you to homecoming last year. I heard him telling his friends how he was going to ask you and get a motel room for that night, and I burst out laughing, told him he was nuts to think a girl like you would ever go with him, or sleep with him. He beat my ass that day, but I gave him a run for his money. I watched him watch you for two weeks after homecoming, after he got a date and everything he watched you. You're not easy to forget."

"Easy to forget and easy to walk away from are two different things," I keep my voice low, "You can walk away but still think about someone. Regardless, thank you Alex, I can't imagine having to keep a straight face while he asked me, let alone the whispers about being the only girl to turn him down."

He smiles at me as he zips his bag. He lays across the bed and sighs.

"Are you ready to count your money?" He looks at me, even though he has to look at me upside down.

I nod and pull out my wallet, I've never had so much money in my wallet at once. He readjusts on the bed to sit next to me, we decide to do this by grouping the money into tens so I can also see how many portraits I did.

I only did eight portraits today, but with the eleven yesterday and the ten I did on my first day I feel incredibly proud of myself. Not including my tips I made $290, which is more money than I could have imagined, with the tips I'm at $347 and I almost want to cry.

"Alright, so tomorrow we'll find an envelope and a stamp and all that jazz so we can send it to your mom. I definitely think that's a good amount of money to send," He looks up to see me just staring at the money on the verge of tears, he pressed his hand onto my shoulder, "Hey, you did really good. I'm not surprised you made this much. You're talented, and I know this will make your mom cry with happiness, especially if you tell her how you got it. She'd be proud of you sharing your gift."

I feel my breath shaking as he pulls me close. He gently shushes me and pets my hair. I know I make a decent amount of money, I make almost twice that in a week at work, but to know I did that in three days doing what I love, it takes my breath away.

I can't help but laugh and cry as Alex did it. People want my art. People want and will pay for my art!

Slowly I calm down, the tears stop falling and I no longer am laughing like a maniac. Alex falls asleep soon after.

Quickly I hop in the shower and get into bed. A smile stays glued to my face as I fall into peaceful sleep.