11 Dubious Defense

What happened before:

"Permission to leave?" Ruby asked, offering him the small bit of dignity to dismiss her.

"Go ahead, my dear." Dumbledore smiled.

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Ruby navigated them to the Defence classroom despite the light headache she sported.

"I think it's this way." Ruby guessed.

"How do you do that?" Adrian asked when they arrived in the correct classroom.

"It's called guess-navigation, or guesstimation," Ruby answered smugly, choosing a seat in the front row.

Joyce made a gagging sound. "I think our teacher is obsessed with Gilderoy Lockhart."

Ruby looked at her strangely. "Our teacher IS Gilderoy Lockhart. They announced it last night after they sorted us."

Adrian chuckled. "Not everyone pays attention to the announcements, Ruby. In fact, I doubt even half of Hogwarts does."

"Well, it's not like I can turn off my memory archives." Ruby rolled her eyes. She turned to Joyce, whispering in her friend's ear. "I wish I could though, because now I can't forget the rubbish in our defense books."

Joyce raised an eyebrow but looked pleased. "You think they're rubbish?"

Ruby nodded. "They all contradict each other and have no basis in fact. Some of the dates overlap with the other stories, many of the solutions are impractical or impossible, and they all seem like glorified children's tales. I think we will be hard-pressed to learn anything in his books. I'm relatively sure this class will be a 'who-can-praise-Gilderoy-Lockhart's-name-more' class, so if you want a good grade, your best option would be to pretend to be part of his adoring fan-base."

Joyce grinned. "I knew there was a reason I liked you!"

Ruby smiled, but before she could comment, there was a noise at the front of the classroom which drew their attention.

At the front and to the left was the teacher's desk, and on the right was a small staircase that led to a door only five feet above the classroom floor.

From this door strode Gilderoy Lockhart, beaming like a lunatic, and acting like a human peacock.

He had opened the door with a theatrical flourish, drawing their attention to the noise.

"Why, hello there!" He beamed, giving a sweeping bow. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-CharmingSmile Award. But of course, I don't talk about that. Now, to begin my first class with you, we will have a quick pop-quiz."

Ruby bit her lip to keep from laughing (or groaning) when she received her quiz.

She was right. Ruby wished she wasn't, but facts were facts.

Lockhart was an idiot. A narcissistic, prideful, bigoted idiot.

Ruby contemplated purposely answering them wrong, but finally decided against.

Besides, she had a better idea…

If Lockhart regarded Ruby as another of his fans, or at least an ignorant student, then when she caused mayhem, who could pin the blame on her?

Ruby was, on the outside, a sweet, smart, and quick-witted girl. Often times, however, when she let her guard down, she was fun-loving, vindictive, and had a prankish side to her personality.

Lockhart would have no idea what (who) hit him.

She reread the first question before answering with a highly detailed and completely accurate answer, bound to give her the 'prized-student-and-teacher's-pet-award-for-being-a-titering-idiot.'

1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

Answer: Professor Lockhart's favorite color is lilac, which he clearly stated in Year with the Teti, Chapter 4.

6) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite spell?

Answer: the tickling jinx, which he used on the angry hippogriff before he fought the troll in his book, Travels with Trolls, Chapter 6.

Ruby was the first to finish her quiz. After everyone set their quills down and Lockhart collected their papers and proceeded to comment on them.

"Tut, tut. (Ruby chinged) hardly any of you remembered my favorite color is lilac, I say so in Year with the Yeti." He shook his head mournfully.

"What's this?" He exclaimed once he'd come to the last one. "Ruby Ravenwing? VERY nice, you've answered them all correctly! Full marks! Ten points to Ravenclaw." He beamed.

"Thank you, Professor. Your books are so easy to remember." Ruby smiled, then whispered to Joyce. "Eidetic memory. Told you it was a curse."

Joyce snickered.

As they packed their books in their book bag, Ruby asked Joyce a question she was fairly sure she knew the answer to.

"Joy, is Jason your twin brother?"

"Yes, why?" Joyce looked slightly shocked. "How did you know?"

"Your last manes are both Blackburn, you look very similar, are both in your first year, and made eye-contact three times during class."

"Oh. When you put it that way, it seems simple." Joyce looked sheepish.

"Congrats on both being Hufflepuff, by the way. Some twins are in separate houses.���

"We are pretty lucky." Joyce grinned.

"Especially now that Lockhart's class is over?" Ruby cheekily asked.

Joyce rolled her eyes. "Especially because of that."

"I'll meet you guys in the library?" Ruby asked.

"Why, where are you going?" Luna bounced.

"I have to speak to the Headmaster. He told me during lunch to go to his office."

"Oh," Luna nodded. "That's what you meant when you said he wanted to talk to you. I thought it was a secret message."

Ruby hefted her book bag over her shoulder. "No, but I'll work on a secret message for you, just for practice."

"Thank you!" Luna squealed, hugging Ruby tightly.

As they left the defense classroom, Ruby spotted a magnificent crimson bird waiting outside.

"Are you Fawkes, the phoenix?" Ruby supposed she should feel silly talking to it, but somehow it seemed normal.

Fawkes nodded his noble head, then took flight, leading her to a pair of gargoyles.

Professor Flitwick was already there, so Ruby guessed he had let his last class out early.

"Ah, right on time, Miss Ravenwing." The Charms professor greeted her.

"Bubblegum." he intoned, speaking to the gargoyles.

"Sorry I dragged you into this." Ruby apologized.

"Nonsense." he waved it away. "I am quite happy to."