Chapter 1. Nikkah and leaving

~Hayat~

"Do you Hayat Rahim Malik, daughter of Rahim Malik accept Zaydan Rehman Malik to be your husband with the mahr of $100,000USD"? Asked the priest, I closed my eyes tightly as tears started to roll out of my eyes.

Right now I am having a inner turmoil with my thoughts. I don't want to do this, not for myself but for him, I know he love Rameen and wanted to marry her but I can't do anything to fulfill his wish.

I did everything to stop this nikkah, I swear I did. I argued with my parents. I jeopardize my dream of further studies in Canada just for him. But, he is taking all this in a wrong way, he thinks I just wanted him to leave Rameen.

How can he think like this? Don't he know me? Hell we are childhood best of best friends.

I felt a nudge on my right arm, I slowly opened my eyes to see my mama on my right side. I gave her a helpless look and whispered "please". It was so low that I doubt even I heard it.

She just gave me a stern look and turned her face to other side.

"Jaan «Dear» what happened?" I heard the sweet voice of my tayi Jaan asking me. And I just realized she was on my left side. I turned my face to her, seeing my face, she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Jaan «Dear» what happened? Are you not happy? Do you not want this nikkah?" She asked me for the 1000 times in this last week. She is the sweetest person on the earth I tell you. Infront of my parents i cried, i begged but they weren't ready to listen anything about it. According to them i was bound to be his since birth as this was my dadu's «Grandfather» last wish. My Baba Jani said he gave his words to taya Jaan and tayi Jaan and now not even at the end of world he will say 'No' to this nikkah.

My parents has made me swear on them not to utter a single word about it. My Baba Jani was always a strict person as he is in military and a 'General' at that. My mama jaan is less strict but have a very domineering personality.

Reciting some surahs, I Calmed myself and encouraged myself to smile a little. I gave a small assuring smile to tayi Jaan and tilted my head to look at him.

He was wearing a black Kurta with a rolex watch in his left hand looking as handsome as ever. His face held no emotion just his famous poker face expression.

My eyes dimmed at his watch, he wasn't wearing the watch which he never stopped wearing in years. I told him to stop wearing it, even said i will give him another one but his answer was always the same 'This watch was the first gift from you Haya'.

I again felt a nudge on my right arm, knowing my mama very well I didn't turned towards her.

'Ya Allah! Madad, Ap sab sambhal lena, ab sab ap key hawale' Closing my eyes i made a quick dua and opened my eyes again. I can feel every single individual's pierced eyes on me right now, except him.

I hate attention!

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and utterd the words with a great difficulty and stuttered a bit "I-I d-do". I heard a sigh of relief from my mama and tayi Jaan just held my left hand reassuring me with a smile.

I just love my tayi Jaan «Her aunt» more than my Mama Jaan. She will be the best mother-in-law of the world.

Priest asked again, Still looking at tayi jaan i utterd confidently this time "I do".

Priest asked again, this time I turned towards him, his hands were in a tight fist, eyes were tightly clenched. He always closes his eyes to control his anger.

"I do" I uttered for the third and last time and tears started to roll out of my eyes uncontrollably. I didn't want this to happen, I did always wished for us to be more than best friends but not in this way, not without his acceptance.

I felt my tayi Jaan kissing my forehead, Mama jaan kissing my cheeks and whispered "Thank you" Baba Jani and Taya Jaan «Father's brother » placed their hands on my head lovingly.

My mind went blank, I don't know what was happening, All our sweet moments together, his loving gaze, his pampering me alot, his each and everything which he did for me and only me was flashing infront of my eyes like a video.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard everyone congratulating eachother, I don't know when he said I do but till now his expressions weren't changed a bit.

*********

In the middle of night, I was having a inner debate whether to knock his door or not. Everyone are sleeping right now.

You Idiot! 12 at night what do you think they will do. I face palmed myself. Back to question should I knock or not.

Actually he is going to America for his further studies next morning and knowing his anger well, I doubt he will see me before leaving for whole damn 5 years.

He will not leave before seeing me right? Yeah! He never did.

This is my last chance to clarify our every misunderstanding.

'Ya Allah! Ap sab sambhal lijiyeh ga' Making a quick dua, I took a deep breath and knocked the door.

This will be for the very first time in my entire life of 21 years that I knocked on his room door.

Came a faint "come in" from inside, I slowly opened the door still hesitating.

Oh come on Hayat! This is not a first time you are going to his room. Take a chill pill.

I entered his room with my slow and steady steps. I didn't saw him in the room but heard the shuffling sounds of the suit cases from his closet room.

"What the hell are you doing here"? He asked as soon as he came out of his closet with a bag in his hands. I instantly flinched at his tone. This was the very first time he ever raised his voice at me.

He threw the bag on his bed in anger. His jaw was clenched. His gaze was intense, his dark blue eyes were sending draggers to my soul.

"Zay please...." I trailed off as he semi yelled making me flinch back again.

"Shut up! Don't you ever call me Zay again, I am not your Zay anymore and you are not my Haya anymore".

He is not my Zay anymore?

He is not mine anymore?

Even him being mine rightfully, he is not mine?

Even being his rightfully, I am not his haya anymore?

Tears were threatening to roll out of my eyes but i didn't let them and kept my head high. This was also the first time for me to stop myself from crying Infront of him.

'Ya Allah! Sabar dein' «God! Give me patience »

"Please can we just have a civil talk" I asked sternly not giving away the expression of my bleeding heart.

"Civil talk huh!" He scoffed sarcastically going towards his bed. He sat on his bed comfortably placing his one leg on another and uttered again "Sure!".

'Ya Allah! Tera shukr' «Thank God»

I only took a step towards him when his words stopped me "Where do you think you are coming"? I just furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. I was just going to sit on the other side of bed.

I was confused when he again utterd the hurtful words "Don't you ever dare to sit on my bed again even better don't ever dare to come in my room again" Controlling my tears I took a step back.

"I know you are angry, you are hurt, but believe me, I tried, I really...." I trailed off as he cut me off in between.

"Really! You tried, let's just say I believe you, I never hide anything from you, from the very start i told you about my feelings about Rameen, I told you when I started to fall in love with her, didn't I"? He asked as he stood up taking slow steps towards me. His voice dark and in his blue eyes there was pure rage.

"I am sorry Zay" I averted my eyes downward as tears finally roll out of my eyes and voice cracked.

"Don't you ever call me Zay" He semi yelled as he clenched both my shoulders jerking me close to him. Our eyes met! Hurt met rage!

"And why the hell you are sorry now huh! Just one question hayat, Just answer my one question and I will believe you" He never called me hayat before, I was his HAYA. And from when we needed answers and proofs to believe eachother.

"Did you had a chat with Rameen on Skype two days ago" He asked, I saw a unknown expectation in his eyes.

I did had a chat with Rameen on Skype two days ago but she was the one who called me, she called me to clarify some things from her side of part. She said sorry, she congratulated me, and said she is going to say no to Zay as he has proposed her, I tried to convince her not to do this, I know she really liked Zay and Zay liked her, who was i to come in between.

Rameen is the daughter of our one and only phupho Razya. Our phupho «Father's sister» is a very sweet lady and Rameen took her mother's traits well. Phupho lives in Australia and comes to Pakistan once in many years.

Rameen's feelings were pure and sincere, She has the heart of gold and I really liked her as a person.

"Why are you asking" I asked him confused.

"Just answer the damn question" He greeted his teeth angrily.

"Yes! I had" I replied confidently as there was nothing to hide, but as the words slipped out of my tongue, his gaze turned murderous and he pushed me away aggressively.

"Get off my sight Haya! Get out of my room before I do something I will regret" He uttered as he turned his face to other side.

I was a crying mess right now. My heart was shattered in billion of pieces right now. I know whatever I will say now, he will not believe me. so, I just left his room but not before saying good bye, because I know I will not be seeing him for next 5 years.

"Allah Hafiz Zay"

*********

After two days of him leaving for America, I entered tayi Jaan's room after i heard the permission. He didn't came to meet me and i didn't even blinked my eyes whole night just not to miss his one glance.

"Assalam-O-Alaikum Taya Jaan, Tayi Jaan, you called for me"? I greeted both with a smile as soon as I saw her sitting on the bed reading a book and Taya Jaan sitting beside her reading a newspaper.

"Wa-Alikum-Aslam!" Both replied in Union and passed a smile at eachother. So cute MashaAllah.

"Yes! Jaan come" Jaan is my nickname, everyone call me Jaan except him. He is 2 years older than me. As my parents told me that when he first time held me in his arms, he asked my name, they told him Hayat but as he was a child himself and couldn't pronounced my name full so then on he likes to call me Haya.

I went near tayi Jaan, she kissed my cheeks and I sat across her on the bed.

"We both wanted to give you something" Tayi Jaan said and Taya Jaan folded his newspaper placing it on the side table smiling. I smiled totally confused.

"Before giving the gift to you, Jaan tell us, Are you happy with this nikkah? Rahim and Bhabhi Jaan didn't pressurized you right"? Taya Jaan asked seriously. How sweet and cute are they. I love them the most.

I slowly shook my head smilingly as I don't have the heart to tell a lie to them. Tayi Jaan smile widened and Taya Jaan placed his hand on my head lovingly.

Tayi Jaan handed me a paper, taking the paper from her hand I asked "What is this tayi Jaan"?

"You are going to Canada for your further studies Jaan" My eyes widened in response as i saw the content in the paper.

It was my ticket of flight to Canada. I was not believing my eyes right now. Tears brimmed my eyes and I tightly hugged tayi Jaan "Thank you Tayi Jaan".

"There is not a word called thanks in family and beside everything it was your dream Jaan" She said stroking my hairs softly.

"Hey! Hey! Not fair okay I was 50 percent involved in your gift" Taya Jaan said pouting.

"Are you a child that you are pouting and arguing for 50 percent share"? Tayi Jaan asked faking the anger.

I laughed at them and said "Well tayi Jaan, Taya Jaan surely looked cute".

"Heard anything"? Taya Jaan asked tayi Jaan proudly and she just rolled her eyes at him.

"Now go start packing your b

ag, you have a flight tomorrow night".

"Okay Allah Hafiz" «Good Bye» I hugged her one last time before retiring to my room.

I am coming Canada.

'Ya Allah! Tera Shukr' «Thank God»