3 Clucking Capon Curfuffle
It's now been a while since I first entered "The Chicken Room." In the time, while trying to think of a solution to get past my current predicament, I have gotten myself acquainted with the menu.
There is a tab that looks like a bar graph with three different-sized bars. It's called Attributes, and I can open it to show myself a whole bunch of personal statistics like how many Gods I have slain or how many times I have used my ability. Perhaps I may become a renowned god slayer in the future, or maybe even a prestiged ability user? All in all, it's a bunch of confusing nonsense to me, but the basics of what I discovered are six main stats.
The six stats are Attack, Defense, Speed, Dexterity, Vitality, and Wisdom. I'm sure that "Attack" and "Speed" are self-explanatory... maybe... I'm not exactly sure what speed entails, but I will assume that it affects how fast I can run; for now. I can also guess that Defense will decrease how much damage things will do to me, like those green balls, and Vitality might affect how fast I regenerate health, given what I know about video games I have played in the past and the word itself.
"Wisdom" and "Dexterity" are still unknown to me. "Wisdom" may affect the blue bar, which I have discovered to be MP or Magic Points, I think, but I'm clueless on the "Dexterity."
[ATT: 10] [DEF: 0]
[SPD: 10] [DEX: 10]
[VIT: 10] [WIS: 10]
I can also see how much health and magic I possess now that I know what I'm looking for.
[HP: 100] [MP: 100]
I had also ended up going back to the first chicken room, and I kicked each of the chickens to death. I didn't like it, but I'm desperate at this point. Something that I did notice while I was beating on the poor chickens was that everything has a health bar that becomes visible once you damage it. I don't believe the walls have health bars, though, which is why I did not know about any of this previously.
Killing the chickens turned out to be beneficial as each of them gave me one experience point upon death. A purple bar situated above the health bar in the menu shows my level and how much experience I need to get to increase it, or so I believe.
[Lvl 1: 8/50]
Going by game logic, leveling up will increase my base attributes, like Attack and Vitality, or maybe I get to choose what I wish to improve.
I'm really not so sure if I'm in a dream anymore or if something else is going on. I have been in this "Tutorial" for far too long, and since I can remember it all, It's making me confused.
Back on topic, Interestingly enough, just one kick seems to be enough to obliterate the chickens, but I don't know if the brown chickens in the second room have more health. I'm pretty sure that the God Chicken will definitely have more, but the amount? I'm unsure.
To add to my misfortune, I have also confirmed that the brown chickens in the second chicken room do indeed attack me. I got beaked pretty good while I was checking out the place for an exit. They don't do as much damage as the green magic balls, but losing 1 HP for every hit does add up. Especially when there are seven of them.
The God Chicken is a whole other matter. I don't know if it will peck at me as well, but I know that it has a weird ability to shoot its feathers towards me at fast speeds. I found this out after a close encounter with those feathery projectiles. I have not been hit by any of them yet, and I don't want to figure out what kind of damage they can do to me since I saw them stick into the wall behind me like a needle into a pincushion.
---
I have been thinking for a while, and I believe my best option going forward is to try and split the small chickens from the God Chicken. Wait... that won't work, they don't follow me out of the room, I remember now. Mmm...
Hit and run, maybe? I know that I will heal from the injuries inflicted, but I don't know if the chickens will regenerate health if I can't defeat them in one go. Welp, it doesn't hurt to try... That's a lie, and I know it. It hurts a lot.
---
Entering "The Chicken Room," I once again see my brown, winged adversaries. Clucking around like it's no one's business. Well, guess what? It's my business, and my foot will be in your face before you can even say, "Caw-Caww!" Wait, wrong bird... Whatever, I don't care!
"AHHHHH!" I charge into the room, yelling a battle cry as I prepare to kick the nearest clucker in the face. I slide to a stop in front of the first chicken and unleash a fully charged kick directly towards it. I miss its face, but I hit its side and send the chicken flying into the air before watching it disintegrate into tiny motes of light.
+1XP
[Lvl 1: 9/50]
It appears like I also one-shot these brown chickens, but I don't have too much time to dawdle as I see six angry cocks racing to my location, their beaks eager to peck. Not to mention the big chicken's piercing eyes and dangerous-looking wings.
I kick another chicken as soon as it reaches kicking distance, and I turn to make a break for it out of the room before any complications arise. I dash out of the room, all safe and sound. No damage was taken in the conflict.
+1XP
[Lvl 1: 10/50]
That makes 2/7 down. Just five angry cucks to go, plus the big bad one.
What I really have to watch out for is the Big Clucker's feather attack. Luckily for me, the attack is well choreographed, so I should know when it's about to happen.
Once rested, I rush back into the room for round two. The chickens are pretty dumb because they never seem prepared for my entrance, even when I audibly announce my presence with a battle cry.
Maybe I can get three of them this time. I wonder.
I notice three chickens close to each other, basically asking to be punished for their insolence. I run towards the most imminent of the three and send a kick towards its body... but, somehow... I miss and trip a little! What the fuck! How can I be this clumsy? We will just ignore that for now.
Quickly recovering from my mistake and changing my kicking leg, I send my left foot towards the chicken, readily landing the strike and killing the poor dude. I follow it up by landing two more rapid kicks on the other two chickens, incapacitating them both.
+1XP
+1XP
+1XP
[Lvl 1: 13/50]
Only two more chickens are left. I think that I can get them before I retreat. I turn to look around and quickly find the chickens hiding behind their god. Bunch of cowards they are, but it seems like they don't even know I'm here. Let's change that.
"Hey, Over Here You Cucks!" I hope to get their attention.
This seems like the right idea as they start to run towards me with their tiny little legs. Quite ferocious, but I'm really not scared of these little ones anymore. My legs are longer than their shiny beaks.
Once the two get close enough, I send a kick towards the one in front, and I prepare to kick the second one before I notice the Big Chicken stomping its feet on the ground and lifting its right wing in front of its face.
+1XP
[Lvl 1: 14/50]
There it is. I see the tell-tale signs of the feather attack, and I quickly send one last kick towards the final small chicken. The Chicken God cuts the air with its wing and sends ten feathers towards me, as sharp as knives and faster than the green and blue balls.
+1XP
[Lvl 1: 15/50]
[HP: 94/100]
I attempt to dodge the feathers by dropping to the floor, and I succeed for the most part as I witness nine feathers pass by overhead, but it appears like one of them pierced into my neck... Who would've thought? Surprisingly, I didn't even notice at first. I guess that's what adrenaline does to you?
Taking the feather out of my neck, I observe it turn into motes of light and disappear from my hand. I move my hands up to feel my neck, where I was pierced, and I feel blood running down my fingers and neck. It feels like a papercut, stinging and pulsing.
I stumble back onto my feet as I witness the Chicken God begin to stomp once again. Quickly turning around, I retreat out of the room to recuperate from that last attack and rest.
[HP: 95/100]
Once I am to safety, I sit on the floor to reassess my wound. I move my hands up to feel around the puncture wound, only to find that I am no longer bleeding. Looking at my fingers, I see them still covered in the blood from before, but there appears to be no new leakage.
Moving my hand to the nearby wall, I wipe away the blood as best as I can. It ends up leaving a bloody semi-handprint on the wall. I wonder if this is what cavemen used to do? Didn't they just use paint?
The rest of the time is spent in silence as I heal and consider how I'm gonna fight the Evil Chicken God. It takes around three seconds, maybe, for it to stomp and lift its wing, and then one more for it to send the attack. I'm not sure if it will attempt to peck me if I get close, but I should proceed with caution.
I don't fear for my life, but I don't like the pain.
---
It only took about two and a half minutes for me to finish healing from my injury. In that time, I devised a plan to use against the God Chicken. First, I'm gonna go in and kick it once to figure out the amount of health I'm working with. It's also to test if it regenerates like I do.
If it does regenerate, I will need to keep an active offensive, and in which case, I don't know what to do other than just keep punching and kicking until it's no longer a threat.
If it doesn't regenerate, I can go in and kick or punch once or twice before retreating to safety. Taking everything nice and slow is preferable, especially for one with such patience as I.
In case I ever feel like my life is in danger, I can always retreat into safety, even if it is confirmed that enemies regenerate their health. Better safe than sorry.
---
I find myself back in the room with the Evil Chicken God. All I need to do is run up and kick the thing, that's all, then I can leave back to safety, but I stall.
Honestly, the Evil Chicken God is kinda intimidating to look at. A chicken that's about as tall as me is not a threat that should be messed with. Its big red tail feathers bounce left and right as it saunters about. I don't know if it cares or even knows that its little friends are gone, but it doesn't act like it.
I start to hype myself up for the glorious battle to come. Just gotta get in there and send a little wombo-combo, bam-bam, his way, but why? For whatever reason, I don't want to do it... I know the reason why, but it's a chicken, for god's sake!
After I finish prepping myself, I gather the strength to charge towards the massive God Chicken. Once in front of it, I send a wound-up kick towards the thing, right between its legs...
"CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK!!" The Evil Chicken God flutters its wings in visible pain and begins jumping around and running in circles.
I don't think that was such a good idea. I'm not sure what I did, but now it's an Angry Evil Chicken God.
Suddenly, I hear a loud crash behind me. Turning around to look, I see that the path behind is now closed off by a large, iron-like gate, trapping me in the room with the Chicken God. I hear the sound of burners turning on, and I glance around to see that in each wall tile is a furnace that's set aflame in a controlled fire.
I instantly feel the room's temperature increase as the fires heat up the room. Is this the start of a boss battle or something? Where's epic boss music?
I see my menu randomly toggle on, and I instantly notice a new bar showing up at the top of my vision blocking the orange arrow and coin. Slowing increase in opacity, I can now see what appears like the boss's health bar.
[145/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
"Huh... Well, there goes plan B." I remark out loud.
It seems like I will have to battle with the Chicken God actively. And yes. This is most definitely an epic boss battle of epic proportion. Just me and a Chicken God
Since I'm still in the kicking distance, I send another kick towards its chest region. I'm not very flexible, so I can't kick very high. Due to my unpracticed motion, I fall forward a little bit, but I take the opportunity to punch at the bird, landing a right hook right in its ugly face.
I manage to properly stay on my two feet, despite tripping a bit, and I look towards the boss's health bar.
[134/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
I'm not sure if my fist did more or damage than my feet, or if the damage depends on where I hit, or maybe both. I don't really have much time to think, though, as I try to react to the Big Cluck trying to peck at my shoulder.
I back off a bit to avoid getting pecked by its big golden beak, but as soon as I back off, the Chicken God begins to stomp again. I go in for another punch to the face, which lands successfully, and then I move behind it when it lifts its wing into the air. Punching its face did not falter the feather attack, and I'm not sure if it's even possible to stop it.
[127/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
It appears like punching the Chicken God's face did seven damage while kicking below the legs always does five. I can't do the math right now, but I would have to guess that the kick I did to its chest area did around 4 damage, maybe?
I will stick to punching its face as that does the most damage. The massive God Chicken sends a volley of ten feathers to its left, possibly in an attempt to hit me, who is behind right now. I watch each of the feathers fly into furnaces, burning up on the spot.
In a moment of rash thinking, I jump onto the big Chicken God's back and begin sending a barrage of weak punches to its face as fast as I can. I can land four solid hits before the Chicken God abruptly jumps into the air and falls onto its back, crushing me underneath.
[HP: 54/100]
[Yellow Swirl][Blue Arrow]
[97/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
I think I hear a couple of my ribs crack as my head smashes into the hard brown floor below. I temporarily lose my vision as I attempt to take a breath, only for it to cut short as a searing pain floods through my chest. My head hurts, my neck hurts, my chest hurts, my hips hurt, I hurt.
Feeling the Evil Chicken God scramble to its feet over me, I begin to slightly panic. Now that it's up and off my chest, I attempt to take another deep breath, only to stop short again when I feel an unbelievable amount of pain surge through my lungs. I am thrown into a coughing fit which only adds to the pain as I try to move.
[HP: 55/100]
[Yellow Swirl] [Blue Arrow]
I notice two little notifications with a yellow tornado-looking swirl and a blue upwards pointing arrow underneath my character icon, but I don't have time to dwell on it. I painstakingly turn myself over and try to crawl away as the Chicken gather's its bearings. It's horribly dreadful trying to escape as I feel my body protesting any movement I make, but I'm in no position to complain right now as I fight for my life.
Despite the newly constant ringing in my left ear, I can vaguely hear the Chicken God as it wanders towards me. I painfully turn my head around to see that it's coming at me from my right. It stops right next to my face as I see it move its head down to peck me or something. In the heat of the moment, I grab the Chicken God's thick right leg with my left hand and pull it towards me.
This singular action saves me as the Chicken God falls backward onto the ground with a thunk.
[88/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
[HP: 56/100]
[Yellow Swirl] [Blue Arrow]
I attempt to lift myself off the ground, only to lose control of my body and fall back to it as my earsplitting headache surges with newfound power. My head hits the ground again, and I feel sudden nausea overtake me as I lose my vision for a second time. A hot sensation travels through my throat as I begin to expunge my stomach's contents as I lay here on my stomach in a daze. Moving my head to the side, I uncaringly lay it in the vomit as I continue trying to breathe.
[HP: 58/100]
[Yellow Swirl] [Blue Arrow]
The Evil Chicken God appears to be having a difficult time getting back up. It's rolling and flailing if feet in the air, trying to stand. That lets me rest and recover my health for a tiny bit, but I only reach sixty-two HP before it manages to find its bearings. It seems my body knows what's best, though, as I feel the pain in my chest decreasing slightly every time my HP increases.
Still, it doesn't help with my headache, my vision constantly going in and out of focus, or the ringing in my left ear. Just a little more healing, and I might be able to stand. Cmon, cmon, cmon!
I once again hear the Chicken God stomping its feet as it prepares for the feather attack. I'm in the perfect position for multiple feathers to hit my back, so I need to turn myself to reduce the damage I will inevitably take.
I manage to successfully lay onto my side and change the direction that I am laying before I feel two feathers pierce into my thigh and shoulder.
[HP: 51/100]
[Yellow Swirl] [Blue Arrow] [Red Tear]
"Ahhh!" I cry out in anguish.
I notice another little notification with tear-shaped blood on a yellow plaque underneath my character icon. I think I know what that means; it means that I'm bleeding. My guess is correct as I watch my health drop all the way down to 28 and then increase to 29 as I'm lying on the ground, trying to steady my breathing.
The Chicken God seems to be taking a break as it slouches in a corner near some furnaces. This allows my health to increase to 31 before it decides that it was done resting. But this gives me enough energy to push up off the ground as my chest feels significantly better. I can't stand, though, as my hips won't let me, and I'm not sure I would even be able to keep my balance.
The Evil Chicken God exploits my vulnerability and charges towards my location. Either through sheer luck or skill, I manage to push the Chicken God hard enough when it gets close and unbalance it, which only causes it to trip and fall towards the wall. I take this time to crawl my way towards the opposite wall in pain.
Surprisingly, the Chicken God ended up falling into one of the furnaces while I was not paying attention and managed to burn itself.
[Orange and Yellow Fire]
[70/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
I watch the Evil Chicken God flutter around the room amok while its tail and wing feathers are on fire. The icon above its boss bar probably means that it's burning. I sit in waiting near the top left corner of the room, slowly recovering my health.
---
[48/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
[HP: 61/100]
[Yellow Swirl] [Blue Arrow]
My chest and hips no longer hurt, and it's just my head, for the most part, if I ignore my two puncture wounds. Standing on my two feet, I shakily wobble towards the Chicken God where it's currently nursing its burns in the opposite corner. I only need seven more good punches, and I win.
If I was thinking right, I might have stayed and healed up a little more, but that's not the case as I send a shaky punch towards the downed Chicken God's face.
It takes the punch but instantly swings its one good wing my way and sends me flying. I crash into the floor and roll on my side a couple times before stopping. This leaves me with only fifty-two HP, and I decide that I learned my lesson and just rest.
---
I'm surprised that the chicken did not move from its location once. It could have gotten up then and there to continue attacking, but it decided not to and stayed in the corner. Its loss.
Now back up to eighty health, I stand above the chicken that had so ruthlessly demolished me. The experience was hell, and I never want to go through it again. The time I spent resting helped me learn that the chicken also regenerates its health. The difference between the chicken and I, though, is that I heal much, much quicker.
I have already sent four more punches and a kick towards the chicken. Punching and kicking do not seem to change the damage dealt; only the location for which you hit matters, with blows to the head seemingly doing the most damage.
[6/150]
[Evil Chicken God]
You know, I feel horrible doing you like this. How many times should I have died there? There is no way I should have come out on top in this situation. This is your win, Mr. Chicken, but I accept all of my blessings.
With those final thoughts in my head, I send a kick to Mr. Chicken's nasty face, fully depleting the rest of its health bar. The chicken's body then slouches onto the floor and dissipates into motes of light, and floats off into the air, disappearing.
I sigh one last time as I fall to my knees in relief. Starring at the ground below, I fall into a moment of deep brooding as I think about the events that had just taken place and what I experienced. The memory of this battle will forever follow me wherever I go.
+15XP
[Lvl 1: 30/50]
Long-Lived the Evil Chicken God.
