1 Her

Reaia

Darkness, that's all I see.

My head is throbbing. It feels like it's been hit by a club over and over. I'm sure a whole bottle of aspirin will do nothing to alleviate the amount of pain my head feels right now. As if the headache wasn't enough, rock music is blaring at my ears making it much worse.

I struggle to open my eyes, only to be blinded by glaring light ahead. The light fills my vision, stinging my irises, hurting so much I have to close my eyes and try to relieve myself of the pain. Which by the way isn't helping the ache in my head.

After taking a little time to soothe my eyes, I open them again. Although the brightness is still harsh, they quickly adapt to it allowing me to see ahead of me.

The light starts to flicker. Then all of a sudden it goes dull. I can now see behind the lights. The light was coming from the headlights of a car. I don't see any movement in the car though. It's now too dark to see into the car.

Hope no one is badly injured.

Moving my eye line to the steering wheel my mind starts to piece together that I am in my mum's car but that does nothing to help the situation I'm in. And my memory seems to be confused trying to recall how I got into an accident.

I can't believe this is happening.

Looking for clues, to help illuminate my situation better, my eyes carry me to the front window of the car. Parts of the windshield are cracked while other parts are shattered leaving broken glass pieces sprawled all over the top of the dashboard.

A sudden guitar screech pulls me away from that. I turn my focus to the radio in the middle of the car, which is still blasting music in my ears. I try to move my right hand towards it to turn it off but something wet and sticky steals my attention.

Tilting my head down to look at it, I notice that its blood, my blood. A few bands of blood are trailing the length of my arm, pooling in my palm, and spilling onto the chair. I start tracing the lines up my arm hoping to find the source of the blood but a sharp pain in my upper arm causes me to wince.

Knowing the source the blood seems to add to the pain. I definitely have a cut on my arm.

How did I not feel that till now?

My mind is going into overdrive wondering how long I've been in this position for so much blood to collect. I try to keep my hand as still as possible to prevent the cut from getting worse.

All of a sudden the music stops and all I hear is static. I think to myself, "If this were a horror movie that would be a bad sign". Can't believe I can still make jokes in this situation. I am trying to cope in the best way I know how.

A little panic is starting to creep its way into my mind and body but I will it away as fast as it came. I know that letting myself go there would not help me right now.

I really want to get out of the car but my body isn't responding. The pain in my head and most of my upper body probably won't allow move without screaming. I mentally going over all the possible ways I could move without too much pain but I know mental resolve is not enough to will my body to move. This is the most suffering I have ever gone through in my life but at least I am alive. If that means anything at this point.

I refocus all my might into moving my legs so maybe I can walk. I try my hardest but there is no movement. Although I know my legs are physically there, I feel no connection to them. Like it's not a part of me anymore.

Hoping to regain some feeling in my legs. I try to move my left leg first but no matter how much effort I apply, nothing happens. I still can't feel a thing.

My view of my whole leg is blocked by what seems to be a section of the dashboard. It must have caved in during the accident. My memory is still unable to recall what happened to cause it.

I am losing my resolve now, and it is getting harder to keep the fear and panic at bay. The gravity of my current situation finally hits me but I am trying not to let the fear take over. Nothing good will come from it, I know that but apparently, my body isn't getting the memo.

What do I do? I can't stay here. I need help for me and anyone in the other car. I need to call for help. I should find my phone.

Following through on my thought, I look around for my phone carefully. Angling my head to get a full view of every corner of my seat, but there is no sign of it. I turn towards the passenger seat, trying to look for any indication as to where my phone may be.

Just when I am about to lose hope, I notice a shiny buckle on the farthest part of the passenger side, on the floor underneath the seat and the glove box. My bag must be stuck. Even with that unfortunate knowledge, I breathe out in relief knowing my phone is likely in the way it always is. With that, I could call for help.

All I have to do is figure out how to reach it.

Fuck.

I let out a deep sigh at the thought of having to use my bleeding arm.

Fuck fuck fuck. I just have to do it, I have no other choice.

I gather my resolve and start stretching my arms towards the bag slowly and carefully. I am in a lot of pain, the bleeding is getting worse and I can feel tears starting to form. I close my eyes and keep reaching for it.

I can't stop, I can do this.

I reach further, with all the strength I can muster, bearing all the pain I am feeling. I can almost reach it but all I feel is pure agony and the tears finally start to fall. To say I'm in excruciating pain would be an understatement. More tears are forming more rapidly now,  coating my cheeks so I use my other hand to wipe it off.

Finally getting a hold of the strap of the bag, I pull as hard as can trying to ignore all the pain I am in. After a few more desperate tugs it finally budges. I drag it onto my lap and search for my phone frantically with my functioning arm. I find it within seconds of searching and relief washes over me.

I call 911 immediately. I hear the pickup tone after on ring. I release a breathe not even realizing that I had even been holding it.

A woman's voice comes through and asks, "911 what's your emergency?"

My voice feels stuck in my throat for a second but I push myself to respond. "I've been in an accident.." I say frantically "there is another car, I think someone else is hurt...." I fail to finish my sentence, sucking in a quick breath before continuing my almost incoherent rambling. "I'm bleeding a lot and there is so much blood", I said. "I don't know how long I have been bleeding but by the time one my phone, I think it has been more than 10 minutes", I relayed. I take a short breath and continue on "My legs are stuck, my head is hurt, there is another car in front of my car so someone else might be hurt of even bleedi-".

"Miss, miss?", The operator's voice sternly cuts me off. I finally take a deep breath as she continues speaking, "I understand, I need you to stay calm and tell me your location", she asks with a calm tone in her voice.

Now realizing that I don't know where I am I reply saying, "I am not sure, the lights are very dim".

She asks, "Do you see any signs or billboards around you, any buildings?",

I start looking around my surroundings for signs or any indication of my location. Although the scene around me is dimly lit by the other car, I can't see any road signs, street signs, or even street lamps.

"No, I see nothing". I keep looking thinking that I may be missing something.

Before I can start panicking all over again she speaks, "It's not a problem miss, we will track your phone and send emergency services over".

For the first time through this whole ordeal, I can finally breathe. Taking a deep breath in and exhaling, a wave of relief hits me. I have never been more thankful for location services.

"The ambulance should be there soon, can you keep talking to me until they arrive?" she asks.

"Yes" I responded softly.

"What's your name?".

"My name is Raeia", I answered.

"Hi Raeia" she spoke in such a friendly tone that it made me relax a little. "How old are you?", she asked.

"16", I replied.

"Are you in high school Raeia?", she asked.

"Yes, I'm a sophomore", I confirmed.

"That must be hard", she said sympathetically. "What do you like to do for fun Raeia?"

"I'm a gymnast, I really love it", I answered her smiling to myself just thinking about it. "Today we were training for an upcoming competition".

She replied, "That sounds amazing, I bet you are great". I am not great yet but it is nice of her to say.

"My hope is to be on the national team", I said.

She spoke with excitement in her voice, "So you are a future olympian, I feel so honored".

"Maybe in the future" I said. It was then that a depressing thought crossed my mind.

There might be no future. What if I can't do gymnastics anymore.

Distracted by my own thoughts I barely heard the lady speaking to me.

"Raeia? Are you still there?", she asked with a little panic in a voice but still calm enough to put me a little at ease.

Responding that I was fine was all I wanted to do but I was too involved in my own spiraling thoughts that I could barely muster up a coherent word. After a few more seconds I finally respond, "I don't know if I am fine".

"You will be fine", she said as assured as she could.

I almost believed her but the fact that I am still bleeding out is at the forefront of my mind. For all I know I could be paralyzed. And everything I have worked for, 10 years of my life would be over. Forget gymnastics, I may not even be able to walk. My parents' sacrifices and mine all for nothing.

Tears start to fall from the corners of my eyes. After everything I have been through tonight, I finally let go and letting the tears take over. I have always been a loud crier so the operator has been completely tuned out. I drop the phone to wipe my face but more tears just keep falling. The phone slips under my sit. I would reach for it if I weren't having a complete breakdown.

Minutes go by, the tears finally slow down but I am hit hard by a dizzy feeling. I am lightheaded, things around me are starting to lose focus. I must have exerted too much energy crying.

I can feel my eyelid getting heavier with each blink. I am fighting so hard to stay conscious but I am losing the battle. My body is winning over my mind. Before I know it my blinking is slowed to the point where my eyes are closed longer than they are open.

That doesn't last as long as I start to lose consciousness. Seconds pass by while the struggle for control over body continues.

After a few minutes, I hear faint sounds of Sirens. And for the first time this night, I smile. The darkness finally takes over and I finally let it.