41 Ch. 41: Double Agents

A distinct gong goes off in my head and I lean back in my seat, suddenly boneless. I focus on my breath, my heart thundering within my chest as if it wants to leap out. No matter what I do, Peppermint will still get my death handed to them, wrapped up in a pretty, headless package. I feel my bottom lip wobble and I bite it hard. A familiar burn fills my eyes and I look at the ground, not wanting this person I just met to witness my moment of weakness.

I am so screwed. It's not even funny at this point.

My past life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't worth throwing away. I had my mom and my future job lined up. I curse myself for the thousandth time for indulging in alcohol when I was in a poor state of mind. That cheater, Jonathan, is not worth dying over. Even if it's just to eat another plate of my mom's tacos and give a satisfying slap onto Jonathan's cheek, I have to find a way to survive and make it out of the Erudian Empire.

Julian sees the gradual journey of despair to gritty determination without a word. It might be my imagination, but his manner of speaking to me feels less frivolous as we talk again.

"Are you... sure about that?" I finally manage to say. Julian nods. He doesn't ask when I die within the novel or make more random comments, for which I am glad.

I heave out a small breath.

"So how do I at least keep outside forces from interfering?"

Julian smiles with anticipation. "My dearest Winnie, I thought you'd never ask!"

"Just cut to the chase," I say with an eye roll. Something about Julian is bringing out my inner hormonal teenager.

"If you're not part of the tapestry, you must weave yourself into it," Julian says, speaking in an analogy.

I understand instantly. "So... I have to make myself part of this world?"

"Yes. But more specifically, part of the story. If you are able to make your character an indispensable part of the story, beyond your original purpose, the threads of this world will connect to you too."

I take a sip of now cold tea, thinking on what Julian just said.

"If I become a part of the story, even if it's in some small aspect, then Pepper- I mean, the author, can't manipulate my life anymore?"

"It'll be like their hands are tied behind their back," Julian says. He doesn't comment on my slip.

"Did it work for you?" I ask, curiosity getting the better of me as I look at the confident kid sitting before me.

"Oh dear, would you look at the time!" Julian exclaims loudly, fishing a pocket watch out of his uniform pocket to check the time. It's a handy excuse to ignore me and my frown makes its way back to my tiny face.

"Perhaps if you would care to join me for another outing. Then I'll be able to disclose a little more about myself." Julian shamelessly plans out our next meeting.

I nearly choke on spit at his words, annoyed at the thought of having to put up with my irritating older brother. If I were still Maria I would pick up that little snot by the neck and wrap him up in a headlock. Unfortunately, it's clear that he was older than me in his past life, so that would feel weird too.

I scoff loudly but feel a bit of warmth at the thought of meeting a fellow Traveler. "Were you this annoying in your past life?" I ask indignantly in a joking manner.

Unexpectedly, Julian sobers up, his mood once more swinging to an adult's somber aura.

"Yes. I suppose I was. I had to be." Julian says, his eyes leaving me for the first time to trail around the stuffy shrine. They land on a rusty statue of Helios and stay there.

"How about you, Winnie? Have you changed? Are you willing to change?" Julian asks, going for the hard-hitting questions.

I look at the unsmiling boy in front of me who suddenly looks far beyond his years and my throat swells up so I cannot speak. Am I willing?

When I was Maria, I was not the kindest soul, but I'd help the occasional old lady across the street and share my pencils with whoever asked. I was also, by the not so gentle urging of my mother, heavily involved in campus ministry and my local church, making people think I was some saint. But in this life, I've selfishly taken advantage of Emma's innocence to turn her into my lackey and am using homeless kids to spread rumors rather than giving them proper aid.

And finally Janice; she was a rude maid, but I could've just reassigned her instead of making her an example to the rest of my palace's staff. In my past life, my mother struggled with getting dropped from her job without a warning, especially when the economy was in tatters. Those were dark days, days that brought me embarrassment when I later won a scholarship to a prestigious catholic high school. I wonder if Janice managed to land on her feet after the way I so crudely fired her.

Shame hangs in front of me like the blinding sun and I can't bear to look at properly. What other unkind acts will I have to do, how much more of my conscience will I sacrifice in order to survive.

In the end, I can't answer Julian. I just turn heel and leave the shrine and this time, my half-brother does not stop me. Perhaps he too understands the tug of war taking place within me.

To survive without my morals or to die with them intact? Neither option satisfies me.

I step on the Duvernay rose as I exit, my emotions in turmoil. Julian is from my world. But he is also the son of the person who hates me most. I can't begin to assume where his allegiance lies and I hate that I have to trust Julian for now. Marie trails behind Emma and I as we walk slowly back to Rose Palace, my thoughts in turmoil.

"Your highness," Emma murmurs quietly, "There's been a response from Lady Westmont."

I look up from the ground, where my eyes had wandered.

"Who?"

"Um... Lady Arabella Westmont," she says. Westmont? I think back to my disastrous time at Lady's Court and my eyes widen at the connection. What a small world, I think with chagrin, hastening my steps as if they will somehow prevent Lady Arabella's future marriage.

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Janice frowned as she gazed at her appearance. The slightly murky bucket of water did not fully express her newly enhanced beauty, but it was good enough for now. One day, she would be able to admire her face in its full glory within a mirror made of gold and decorated with precious gems, just like Empress Katya's.

At the thought of Empress Katya, Janice felt a spike of annoyance run through her and she viciously kicked the bucket, its contents spilling out over the stone ground. A small portion of the water flowed backward towards her, splashing poorly tanned maid boots.

"Damn that woman," Janice cursed under her breath as outdoor pavilion she had just scrubbed was ruined once more. The head maid of Sunrise Palace, Linette, had promised her at the mouth of the alley that working for the Empress would bring endless riches her way.

What riches? What wealth? The Empress had only ever asked her a few questions about Princess Winter, which Janice answered in as much detail as she could muster, before she was handed a few measly coins and shucked off to join the lower-ranked maids of Sunrise Palace who did all the menial labor. The lower kitchens for maids such as herself fed her slop, a far cry from the succulent meats and fragrant dishes that floated from Empress Katya's personal kitchen. The disgusting slop also never satisfied Janice's stomach and every minute of every hour, her stomach hungered and craved something more filling.

On the side, she did minor intelligence gathering for Empress Katya, but it was below Janice to constantly interact with lowly servants from other parts of the palace for news about her former mistress. The hours were long and since she was more beautiful than all the maids, perhaps even on par with the Empress, all the maids treated her to venomous looks and unsubtle nudges into puddles.

Janice almost missed the authority she held over other maids in Rose Palace, where they had all been newly assigned and started on the same footing. But then she remembered that all her problems had begun with Princess Winter and a fresh wave of hate swept over her heart.

"M-Miss Janice?" a quiet voice stammered out. Janice recognized it instantly as the voice of Prince Julian's young manservant, Felix. The short and gawky lad always stared at her with dazzled eyes, which bothered her to no end. Her looks deserved the awestruck gaze of someone with blue blood, not a mere peasant.

"Felix!" Janice exclaimed, wiping away her sour countenance and giving the young boy a gentle smile.

The manservant was putty in her hands, his hands nervously wiping away sweat onto his pants as his face becomes as red as a tomato. It was an annoying sight, yet gratifying. Janice's previously ordinary face had become that of a goddess, but it was only through the rare male she encountered that she felt its true effectiveness. Such a good gift Akira gave her! In the first few days, Janice had been slightly frightened by the large boon she had been granted by the Darkness himself, wary of what it could cost her in the future.

But the moment she had stepped into the Empress' sitting room, all the fear had promptly melted away. The Empress had refined taste, but her class didn't diminish the display of wealth. Her cheap shoes had sunk into the plush imported carpet and Janice had nearly been blinded by dazzling vases and statues that even her unrefined eye could tell were worth more gold coins than she could dream of.

When Janice was a gap-toothed youngling and had visited the chieftain's house with her mother for a holiday meal, the house, which was larger than all the other homes in her village, was also decorated with various memorabilia. Her mother had told her that this was a sure indicator of wealth, when someone could afford to decorate their home with useless things. That was when Janice had set her eyes on one of the chieftain's many sons. But now, marrying that boy would not even scratch the surface of the life she knew she deserved.

"Do you have news for me?" Janice asked, righting her fallen bucket.

Felix nodded bashfully and said, "Important news! Today, my master met with Princess Winter and they spoke for a while."

Janice's docile gaze sharpened at the name of her former mistress, the sole reason she was in her current predicament. Forgetting that she had gotten the gift from Akira because she was fired, Janice arrogantly wagered that if she were still working at the Rose Palace, her current beauty would sweep Sir Finn right into her bed. Perhaps he would even bend on one knee, his handsome green gaze trained lovingly on her while begging Janice to become his lawfully wedded wife. Her! The wife of a duke heir apparent!

Witnessing her sudden change in temperament, Felix could not help but flinch back by the bloodthirsty expression on Janice's face. It was still beautiful, but it was the beauty of cobra, its scales mesmerizing you as it prepared a deadly strike.

Janice noticed his reaction and quickly sought to explain herself. She had so few allies and this boy was easily swayed by her natural charms. It would be a shame for her to lose Felix so soon.

"I'm sorry, I was just remembering how difficult it was working under Princess Winter." Janice pretended to get choked up for a moment as if she were recalling painful memories. "She was so harsh and cruel to me. Even if she hadn't kicked me out, I would have left soon for fear of my life."

Felix's face cleared up quickly, his pockmarked cheeks bulging hideously as he fumed with indignation on Janice's behalf. There was a new fervor in his voice when he spoke to Janice again.

"I did not manage to hear what they spoke of because my master ordered me to stand far from them. However, I noticed a few other things that seemed odd. First, my master somehow knew that Princess Winter would come to the abandoned shrine that day. I find it odd how he would know unless Princess Winter had visited before. I do not know why she would go there though. When the princess left, my master was very gleeful as he left. I fear that he may be seduced into a dangerous friendship by this no good princess."

Janice gave a doting expression as if she were giving candy to a child. She knew that if she were anyone else, his report wouldn't have been as detailed. And Janice had her own reasons for keeping tabs on that royal brat.

"Well done, Felix. I feel so reassured knowing a man like you is willing to help the cause of preventing that bra- I mean, Princess Winter, from harming our interests," she said, speaking for the Empress and herself.

"I will always stand by your side, Miss Janice. To tell you the truth, I am dedicated to this job to help you get revenge on your former mistress, not to help her majesty," Felix said with a devoted look in his droopy eyes. It was all Janice could do not to vomit at his lovesickness.

You are not worthy to even lick my shoes, Janice truly wanted to say. But it pleased her endlessly to procure a loyal lackey who clearly recognized her worth.