1 THE DROPOUT, THE PIRATE QUEEN, AND THE SPIDER, pt.1

He dreaded going home. Not that he enjoyed working his dead-end job at the local High-Mart, but at least he could distract himself there.

The truck was light than normal, so Milo combed through the aisles section by section. He even had extra time to face each shelf for the morning crew. He hoped that would make them happy enough.

As he worked on the cereal aisle, one of his coworkers, a bald, older man named Frank, waddled up to him from the front end. "Hey, gonna take my break. Mind watching the front?"

Milo set down the box of Shaker Oats he'd been working on and gave Frank a polite smile. "Sure."

Watching the front was Milo's least favorite job, but during the night-shift, few customers showed up, and the ones who did were quick to get out. Milo appreciated these customers, especially as he struggled to figure out how to break up with his girlfriend.

Frank elbowed him. "Keep a lookout for UFOs! There've been sightings here recently!"

Milo took a breath through his mouth—Frank's mix of cologne and chewing tobacco breath were enough to make him gag, but Frank was nice enough. "Oh? Aren't those just drones or something?"

"Nah man! I've seen enough to know they're real! One guy said he saw a big ol' spider-looking one the other day!"

"Huh."

Frank swatted the air, grunting. "Your girlfriend must love your party pooper attitude." Frank brushed past Milo. "See you in thirty minutes." And he waddled off.

Milo sighed.

(The problem is, I don't think she does. She'd be the fifth girlfriend this year.)

***

As Milo filled the bags on the check stands, the front doors whirred open. He rolled his eyes. (Just my luck. This always happens when Frank goes to break. I swear he does it on purpose.)

Wiping his hands, Milo straightened up and turned to face the incoming customer. "Hey there, welcome to High—"

In the entrance stood a tall woman with medium, messy blue hair. A low-cut top hung loosely from her shoulders, revealing a valley of cleavage. Her purple eyes glimmered as they scanned the empty storefront. When their gazes met, he froze, his pulse racing in his ears. (I've never seen her before…)

(So why do I feel like we've already met?)

The woman's lips parted in a sly grin as she sauntered toward Milo. The skin along the back of his shoulders tingled. (Who is she?)

He hooked his thumbs through the belt loops of his pants, trying to act calm and collected. "H-how may I help you tonight?"

Her eyes scaled Milo's body like an adventurer. Milo shifted, wishing he could hide himself behind a shelf or something. (What should I do?)

As the woman drew within mere feet of him, Milo's right arm tensed, the muscles in his forearm and bicep cramping so hard he hissed. (The hell?)

The blue-haired woman closed the distance between them. She towered over him by at least a foot. A wave of heart washed over him as his chest hitched.

Her head cocked, a mischievous smile spread across her lips. A fragrant mix of cinnamon and apples exuded from her as she pushed up against him, her heavy breasts pressing into Milo.

A surge of pain jolted through his arm. He bit on his lip.

"This is kind of drab, isn't it?" Her eyes rolled lazily as she surveyed the store again. She bent forward without looking at him, her lips next to his ear. "Especially for Waylon~" She breathed that name—Waylon—into his ear, and he broke out into a sweat, his face turning red. Her smile turned into a sneer. "Did you miss them?" She rubbed her breasts side-to-side against Milo. "W-a-y-l-o-n~! You missed them, didn't you?"

He tried to pull back, but was pinned between the end of a check stand and the woman's bosom. His right arm trembled, the muscles dancing under his skin as if they were trying to escape. Milo closed his eyes. (Who is this woman?)

The woman's smile faded to a tiny grin. "What is it, Waylon? You don't look happy to see me…"

She backed up and then wrapped a hand around his throat. A yelp escaped his mouth.

With little effort, she lifted him off the ground. Her eyes shone bright violet, and the tremors in his right arms grew even more intense. Pain cascaded down through his body from his neck and arm. He gasped, his feet dangling in the air.

"I thought we'd had some pretty good times, W-a-y-l-o-n." She tilted her head, her fingers closing around his pulse. "Guess all you really wanted was to stab me in the back."

"Hey, stop flirtin' with the customers—"

Frank had turned the corner, and his mouth froze into a small o. He raised his hands in front of him in a defensive stance. "Whoa, lady! Get your mitts off Milo!"

The woman shot an icy glare toward Frank. "Milo, huh? Is that your name now?" She chuckled. "Trust me, baldy, Waylon loves having my hands all over him. Don't you, sweetie~?"

Frank strode toward one of the check stand phones. "Right, lady. We'll see if you're singing that tune when the cops show up!"

As Frank reached for the phone, his hand froze. A light-pink aura enveloped his body. "The hell is this? I can't move!"

The woman raised her left hand, flicked her wrist, and Frank's body hurled itself across the aisle, crashing into another check stand, his neck whipping back.

He slumped to the ground.

Milo gasped and reached out toward the body of his coworker. "F-Frank!"

The woman grunted. "He's fine. Just knocked out." Her eyes returned to him. There was no amusement, no smile left on her lips. Only a burning hatred that Milo had seen once or twice, usually after breaking up with a girl. (No, she's not an ex…who is she?)

"Worry more about yourself…" She lowered him down, her face only inches from his. Even her breath was sweet, like apple pie. "W-a-y-l-o-n~"

She tossed him as if he were a pebble, and his body sailed twenty feet before colliding with the tiled floor, his spine cracking on impact. He cried out as the pain tore through his body. His muscles shook as he tried to sit up.

The woman's eyes glowed like headlights, and Milo was the deer about to be roadkill.

"I'll give you a chance to run~" She planted a hand on her hip while twirling a lock of hair with the other. "I know how much you love foreplay, darling!" She bit her lower lip.

Milo flipped himself over into a kneeling position. He labored for breath, squinting at the crazy woman. "Who are you?"

A vein in the woman's forehead twitched. "Oh~? Playing hard to get?" She pouted. "How could you forget a face like this? Or a body like this?" She leaned forward, squeezing her breasts together, her cleavage forming a hard line. "I'm hurt, Waylon…" She stood, and outstretched her right hand.

His body seized up, his muscles contracting on their own, and suddenly he was standing, his feet carrying him closer and closer to the crazed woman. The closer he drew, the more the cramping pain returned in full.

"P-please! I don't know who you are!"

"Nice try, darling~!"

She rolled her fingers, as if beckoning him, and Milo's body flew toward her. He was helpless as she cocked her hand back and punched his face so hard his neck cracked from the whiplash. Stars flooded his vision as his body spun to the ground. He ran his tongue over his lips and tasted copper.

"Not yet!" She flexed her hand, and Milo's body snapped up to attention once more. The sudden motion made him nauseous. "C'mon, sweetie! Don't be such a spoilsport! You always liked it rough!"

She threw a punch into Milo's gut, and he spewed bile and vomit onto the floor.

"Eww!" She laughed, and grabbed Milo by the hair, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Don't be such a lightweight, W-a-y-l-o-n~!"

He looked around. It was just him and Frank in the store tonight. No one else would clock in for at least three hours. If Milo even lasted that long. He only hoped another customer appeared, but he doubted anyone would show now.

Her hand wrapped around his cheeks, and she held it to hers. A wicked smile crept across her face. "You have something I want, darling~" She backhanded him, and Milo's vision went white. She yanked him up by his hair yet again. "I don't have all night~ Tell me what I want to know, and maybe I'll make your death a little less painful~"

By the tone in her voice, she meant it; she would kill him if he didn't figure a way out of this.

But he lowered his chin a bit and chuckled. (What's the point?)

(I'm a dropout working the night-shift at a grocery store. No future. Can't even take it steady with a girl.)

(Maybe it'd be better if I die.)

His vision cleared, his face throbbing. Her glowing eyes loomed over him, like two suns in the shadow of her face.

She snorted. "Well, whatever. I can have your brain dissected. One way or another…" She lifted her left hand high into the air, and a massive golden blade with purple swirls carved into it formed in her grip. Milo's eyes widened. "I'll get what I want from you, W-a-y-l—"

An explosion rent the air, and the front doors of the store blew inward, spinning through the air and scraping across the cereal aisle. The woman's head whipped around, her jaw dropping open as she took in the sight: an enormous monster clawing its way in through the hole.

The creature looked to be a giant spider made of metal and glass scraps welded together haphazardly. It was about eight feet tall, its limbs long and wide. Shards of glass and metal plating formed blades and armor all along its exterior, with two mini cannons mounted on either side of its head.

Its voice thundered throughout the store:

"TARGET SIGHTED."

The creature charged forward, heading straight for the woman. Each of its steps rattled the shelves.

"ELIMINIATE."

Milo stared, his breath caught in his chest as this lumbering mechanical spider charged at them. The woman lifted her left arm, the golden blade shimmering, and laughed. "Eh~? A friend of yours?"

She swung her blade downward, light flashing as a pulse of energy shot out, piercing through the spider's armor and smashing right into its core. The creature halted, then crashed to the floor.

"Whoa." Milo blinked slowly. (She took care of that like it was nothing!)

She harrumphed, and locked eyes with him again, her lips parting slightly to reveal a single sharp fang. A deep, animalistic growl rumbled in her chest.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to stop me, darling~!" She raised her blade high overhead once again. With a flash of lightning, the tip of the weapon glowed orange as the air crackled around it.

She brought the glowing blade down on him.

"ELIMINATE TARGET."

Sparks exploded from the ground as an electric current zapped across the tiled floor. The bolt slammed into the woman's feet, launching her backward toward the ceiling.

Milo's hair stood on end as he scrambled to his feet. The massive robot spider had risen, its legs clanking on the floor. Its eyes traced the woman's arc through the air, ignoring him.

The woman fell to the ground, landing on her feet between Milo and the machine.

"Call off your stupid robot and die like a man!"

"It's not my robot!"

Her lips curled back over her teeth as she lunged at him, swinging her blade in a vicious arc. He stumbled away, barely getting out of range, and landed hard on the ground.

"H-hey! Don't you think you should worry about that thing first?!"

The woman scoffed. "The only reason it's still standing is because I'm more concerned with you!"

She raised her sword again, but one of the spider's limbs darted out and swatted it from her grip with a metallic clank. The woman whirled around, glaring at the giant spider monster. "All right, then! I was going to save you for last. But I think it's time to take you to the scrapyard!"

She brought her hand up, and a small ball of purple light formed in the center of her palm. Her smile grew wide. "Prepare to face my wrath!" The air quaked and quivered as the light in her palm quadrupled in size. A sudden burst of energy flashed across its surface as it reached out in every direction. Milo ducked his head, bracing for impact.

After a few moments, nothing happened.

He lifted his head.

The ball of light had disappeared. The robot's sensors whirred and spun, searching for the threat. Meanwhile, the woman looked up at her hand as if it were foreign to her. "The hell?" She extended her palm again, but nothing happened. "Oh no."

"What do you mean, 'Oh no?!'"

The spider whirred and clicked. Having detected an opening, it lashed out with two of its razor sharp legs, severing the woman's arm from her shoulder. The woman's mouth flopped open. "Shit!"

The spider raised one of its larger legs and swung it across the woman's stomach, and she glided backwards, smashing into Milo, both of them collapsing into a heap on the floor. As they lay there, Milo felt a surge of warm energy through his right arm. (Huh? What's this…feeling?) He looked down at the woman and patted her side.

"A-are you okay?"

"Yeah, no thanks to you." She groaned as she pushed herself off him. He stood and looked down at her severed arm on the ground in front of him. His brow furrowed.

"A…mechanical arm?"

Where Milo had expected to see gore and blood, he instead saw frayed wires and sparks. An oily musk scented the woman, and he noticed a broken socket where her shoulder was. Grease leaked from the damaged joint.

"Are you an android or something?"

"Worry about that later!"

He glanced up just as two more enormous arms sprouted from the spider robot's frame. They crept toward him and the woman. (This isn't good. We'll both die at this rate.)

He thrust himself between her and the spider.

"The hell are you doing?!"

Milo's heart pounded in his chest, but he stood ground against the robot, despite his quaking knees. "Buying you some time! Do something!"

The robot spider stopped, and its ocular sensors glowed red, scanning Milo. After a few moments of calculating, the robot made a buzzing noise.

"SUBJECT: EARTHBOUND HUMAN. NAME: MILO MOODY. HERITAGE: SON OF CRYSTAL AND WAYLON MOODY. RESIDENCE: SHERIFFSBURG, IOWA, UNITED STATES. THREAT LEVEL: INSIGNIFICANT."

Milo gaped at the sparking, half-destroyed face of the robot spider. A bead of sweat raced down the side of his face. (How does it know so much about me?)

The woman stood up straight. "Wait. You're telling me, you're…Waylon's kid?"

The robot rose on its hind legs, revealing an array of laser cannons along its underside, aimed straight at Milo and the woman.

"TARGET: LUCIANNA, THE PIRATE QUEEN. CAPTAIN OF THE HERALD. FEDERATION BOUNTY: 50,000,000 CREDITS, DEAD OR ALIVE."

Its ocular sensors gleamed.

"ELIMININATE TARGET AND ALL ASSOCIATES."