1 Reverse

"Mauuna na kami, Leigh." Tumango lang ako kay sa sinabi ni Mama. Wala talaga akong gana sumagot. Wala akong gana magsalita. "Papasundo nalang kita sa Papa mo mamaya."

Hinimas muna ni Mama ang likod ko, then she hugged me tight.

"I know it's hard to lose him, Leigh. But continue to move on." Hinalikan ako ni Mama sa noo tapos ay umalis na rin sila. Ang sumunod naman na yumakap sa akin ay si Tita, ang Mama niya. She said the exact same words as my Mom. Pinagpractice-san siguro nila.

Nagpaiwan ako. Umalis na silang lahat. Lumapit ako sa lugar kung saan siya mahimbing na natutulog. Bagong-bago pa. Ang again, I couldn't hold back my tears.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang nasa harap niya ako ngayon, walang humpay ang pag-iyak kasabay ng malakas na buhos ng ulan. Nasa harap ako ng puntod niya. Yumuko ako, I don't care about the mud that will eventually stick on my pants and white shirt. I just want to hold him again.

Yariko Kyle Medina

Born: December 14, 1996

Died: March 02, 2016

"Ya," humagulgul ulit ako sa iyak. "Ya, bakit mo ako iniwan? Hindi ko man lang nasabi sa yo yung nararamdaman ko. I wasn't able to tell you how I love you. Kung alam ko lang na iiwan mo ako agad, sana nirape nalang kita nung valentines nang nalasing ka. Eh di sana buntis ako ngayon, tapos wala ka nang dahilan para iwan ako."

Malamig. Pero ayoko pa ring umalis sa tabi niya. Hindi ko kakayanin. I could stay like this forever. Kung sumunod kaya ako sa kanya? But I know he wouldn't be happy if I will do that. Pero hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko.

I just love him too damn much.

I looked at the necklace I was holding since the first night of his lamay. It was a gold necklace with a moon-shaped pendant. My star dun sa lower center ng moon. It was the necklace I was planning to buy for my birthday. Nainlove lang talaga ako dito, at mag-iipon sana ako para rito. Ayoko kasing manghingi ng pera kina Mama o Papa. Gusto kong pag-ipunan yun. But it wasn't needed, because he bought it for me.

"You bought it for me." Humagulgul ulit ako ng iyak. "You bought this for me, pero ano na ngayon ang silbi nito?"

He was my bestfriend, he will always be. He was also my first love. My first crush. My first heartache. At siya rin sana ang gusto kong maging first sa lahat ng bagay. But I know hindi na yun pwedeng mangyari. He's dead now. He's not here anymore. He will never be here anymore.

Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagbigat ng talukap ng mga mata ko. Dahil siguro yun sa kakaiyak. I was still in front of his grave, crying my heart out. Hindi ko alam ang pumasok sa utak ko pero humiga ako sa tabi ng puntod niya. I was silently hoping that this is all a dream. A dream that I can escape when I wake up.

But I never thought that when I do, I'll be given a second chance.

----

Nagising ako sa isang nakakasilaw na liwanag at sa isang boses na hindi ko inaasahang maririnig ko pa kahit kailan. He was grinning while holding both ends of the window curtain. He looked so real. He looked so alive.

"Yariko?" My voice cracked when I finally founded the strength to talk.

"Hm? You're finally awake. Good morning!" He said it cheerfully and my heart thumped hard. Am I dreaming? Because if this is a dream, then it is too realistic that I could even feel the sunlight touching my skin, I could smell his natural scent, and I could see and hear him clearly.

Hindi ko napigilang humagulgol bigla sa pag-iyak.

"Wha- Huy, Leigh? Anong nangyari? Why are you crying? Hindi pa nga ako nagsisimulang bullyhin ka, e!" Reklamo niya sa akin saka hinila ang kumot na bumabalot sa akin. Nagpatuloy pa rin ako sa pag-iyak. I slowly opened my heavy eyelids and once again saw him looking at me puzzled. His brown hair turning gold as the sun hit its every strand, his brown eyes, his scent, his voice, and everything about him seemed so real.

Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko, "Am I dreaming? Is it really you?"

"Yes, I am? Wait, are you okay Leigh? May lagnat ka ba?" He placed his hands on my neck, probably to check my temparature. Mas kumunot naman ang noo niya.

"Wala ka namang lagnat." Ah, even his touch felt so real. "Are you really okay, Leigh? Why are you crying? May masakit ba sayo?"

Umilling ako. My heart still breaking, "I am just happy I could see you again before you disappear forever."

Namilog ang mga mata ng kausap ko.

"Leigh, wag ka ngang magbiro ng ganyan! Ang aga-aga, ang bigat na ng drama. Stop fooling around, because it's not funny. I should be the one doing the bullying right now dahil birthday mo, not the other way around!"

I froze and slowly turned to him. "What did you say? What date was today?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya at nameywang sa harapan ko. "Today is your birthday po, mahal na prinsesa. At nandito ako para sana sorpresahin ka. Pero napalpak ako dahil sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, nag-inarte ka. Kaya punta nalang ako sa plan B."

Hindi pa rin ako nakapagsalita. Hinayaan ko siyang gawin kung ano man ang plano niyang gawin. Ilang sandali pa may pinakita siya sa akin isang box. It was a small box, wrapped in gold with red ribbons. My hands automatically went on my neck.

Wala doon. Wala doon ang kwintas na binigay niya sa akin nung birthday ko.

This room, this scene is very familiar it kills me.

"Hulaan mo ano tong birthday present ko sayo." He grinned. Pero hindi ko pa rin maatim na ngumiti.

"A gold necklace with a moon pendant. The one that I really wanted. The reason why I am saving up." Wala sa sarili kong sagot. Nakita ko ang pag-ismid ng kaharap ko.

"Hmp. How'd you found out?" Sabi niya saka binuksan ang box. Nasa loob nga nun ang pendant na binigay niya sa akin nung kaarawan ko.

"Well, whatever. Know or not, it's still for you Leigh." Isinuot niya sa akin ang kwintas. "Happy 19th birthday Leigh. I'm hoping to spend more birthdays with you."

Why? Why did this happen?! Hindi ko mapigilang humagulgol ulit. Narinig ko pa ang tanong ni Yariko sa akin kung napano daw ako. But I couldn't answer. I was just so confused, so happy, so sad and all the emotions that one could name, it's all mixed inside me.

And then it hit me.

A memory. A scene. That night, when I was sobbing and crying my heart out in front of Yariko's grave, a young man approached me. He was wearing a straw hat and was dressed like a farmer. He talked to me while I was half asleep.

"Death always waits at the end of every person's life. One cannot avoid it. It's a fixed ending humans continuously experience." He started and continued, "Yet those who were left behind cling to those who died despite that fact. Do you know why?"

My eyes were clouded and my vision was hazy yet I answered, "Regrets. People who were left behind always regret the things they did, the things they couldn't do, and the things they wanted to do with the person who left." I sobbed, "Sadness, bitterness, loneliness. These are some of the emotions the people who are left behind feels. It hurts."

"Does this also apply to you?" He asked. I slowly nodded.

"Do you desire to wipe away the sadness?" He asked again, and I nodded.

"Then, I'll give you a chance." He said, pero hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. "Tomorrow, when you wake up, you two will meet again. After that, decide on what you must do. Just remember, no matter how you struggle and fight back, nothing could be change. The ending would still be the same."

And then I fell asleep, I woke up and I found myself back in time. Back on my 19th birthday. Back on the day Yariko died. Who was that man? Did he turn back the time?

"Oi, Leigh." My mind snapped back to reality and found Yariko frowning while looking at me. "Are you listening? I said, freshen up. We're going somewhere to celebrate your birthday!"

Namilog ang mga mata ko. That day, we drove towards the sea. My family wanted to celebrate my birthday beside the sea so we rented a resort. Pero habang nasa byahe kami, Yariko and I, got into an accident. We were both critical but I survived. He didn't.

"Kaya magbihis kana bilis. Everyone's waiting—" Bago pa siya makalabas ng kwarto ay pinigilan ko na siya.

If that young man really gave me a chance, then I should stop us both from getting outside the house. I should prevent that accident from happening again!

"No. I don't want to go to the ocean!" I said, "Ya, please. Let's just celebrate inside the house."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Oi, may napapansin na talaga ako. Did your brother told you about my surprise? Tsk. Pati ba naman yung surprise ko na dun tayo sa dagat magcecelebrate ng birthday mo, naorient ka na ng kapatid mo?"

Umiling ako, "Whatever you want to think, I don't care. Basta, Ya, please… let's just stay here."

Napabuntong-hininga naman siya. "I don't really know what's happening, pero may magagawa pa ba ako? Malakas ka sa akin eh."

Tapos ngumiti siya. Yung ngiti niyang makalaglag panty.

"Wait there!" Sigaw ko sa kanya. "Maliligo lang ako at magbibihis. Don't you dare step out of this house, Yariko. Kundi ako talaga ang papatay sa'yo."

Pagkasabi ko nun, agad kong isinarado ang pinto ng kwarto ko at naligo na. I need time to clear up my mind. I need a plan. I need to convince him not to leave. At least until this day ends.

Nagmadali na akong maligo. Hindi na nga ako nagsuklay pa ng buhok at lumabas nalang agad. I wanted to check if Yariko's still here.

And he was.

Nasa sala siya. Nanonood ng anime.

"What are you watching?" Tanong ko. Lumingon naman siya sa akin.

"Future Diary," tapos ngumisi siya. "I love suspense. Buti nalang may copy pa ang kuya mo nito."

I walked towards the sofa where he was and sat beside him. Nakinood rin ako ng anime. Tapos biglang nagflash sa screen ang isang intimate scene between the protagonists. It was just a kiss. But it triggered something inside me. Gusto kong magface palm dahil naalala ko yung sinabi ko sa harap ng puntod niya. Na sana nirape ko nalang siya nung valentines day.

Napatingin ako sa katabi ko. He was watching pero parang hindi rin siya mapakali tulad ko. Was he affected by that scene as well? Medjo naiintindihan ko naman siya. I mean, it is awkward to watch an intimate scene with someone of the opposite sex.

Regrets. People who were left behind always regret the things they did, the things they couldn't do, and the things they wanted to do with the person who left.

I remembered my answer to the young man's question.

I don't want to have regrets anymore. I don't want to feel that same feeling anymore. That's why I agreed to this chance.

"Yariko," tawag ko sa kanya. Nilingon naman niya ako. "Let's cuddle."

"Haaah?" He reacted exaggeratedly, "Are you serious? Oi, Leigh. Napano ka talaga?!"

"Can't you do it for me? I mean, it's my birthday and all." And I am more than embarrassed, you moron!Gusto ko pa sanang idagdag, but chose not to. I wanted this. Noon pa. I've only gotten this courage now, I can't let this slip. Kahit nakakahiya pa.

Nakita ko ang pamumula niya. Akala ko nga hindi niya gagawin, but he opened his arms for me. "Just this once."

And I happily obliged. We cuddled. Nakaupo ako sa gitna ng mga hita niya while we were watching anime. I could feel my heart beat fast. "Yariko, hug me."

"Eeh?" Hindi ko makuhang tumingin sa kanya dahil sa mga out of this world kong mga request. Then I felt his hands wrapped around me. Gusto kong maiyak. He's really here. "Your request are getting out of hand, missy."

I know. Gustong kong sumagot pero hindi ko nagawa. We stayed like that for a while until I found myself falling asleep. Ilang oras pa ang dumaan nang magising ako. Nakatulog rin si Yariko. Ganun pa rin ang posisyon namin. He was leaning against the wall, sound asleep. Nagp-play pa rin ang anime na pinapanood namin kanina sa TV.

I smiled to myself. I've been dreaming on a scene like this for years. And it has already come true.

Napatingin ako sa orasan. It was already 11:30 AM. 20 minutes past the time we got into an accident which killed him. I don't really know if I can assure myself that nothing will happen anymore, but I found myself sighing in relief.

"Yariko," pukaw ko sa kanya. Ilang sandali pa, nagising naman siya. "Yariko, kiss me."

I was sure that he would not do it. I was sure that he'd react the same way he reacted earlier. But I was wrong.

"Gladly," he said and cupped my face with both his hands. Napalunok nako. Will he really kiss me? But he was already closing the gap, and I was anticipating it. There's no more backing down. I closed my eyes waiting for our lips to touch. I could feel his warm breath against my lips. Konti nalang sana talaga nang isang malakas na busina ng sasakyan ang bumulabog sa buong bahay.

"Tsk," I heard him before he stood up and went to the door. I was left there dumbfounded, my heart still racing. Did we almost kiss?

"Surprise!" I heard people yelling outside the house. Agad akong nagpunta dun and found my parents, his parents, each of our siblings and some of our friends. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. I guess there's no more alone time with him.

My family decided to go back home when they received Yariko's message that we're not going to the ocean anymore, and planned to have the party outside our house instead. Yariko and I never get the chance to be alone again, but it is fine with me. As long as he won't step outside.

We celebrated my birthday, finally. Without any untoward accident, without any casualties. Nagkaoras lang kaming dalawa sa isa't-isa when it's almost twelve in the evening at lasing na halos ang lahat sa amin. Maliban sa akin, of course. I still need to look after Yariko.

"Are you happy?" Tanong niya sa akin. Tumango ako.

"More than happy." Sagot ko. He smiled.

"Good." Was all his reply. I wonder what's going on inside his head. '

Ilang sandaling katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa. Ako ang naunang bumasag nun.

"Yariko," tawag ko sa kanya. Nang lumingon siya, I made the dumbest but the most blissful thing I did. I kissed him. Just a smack.

"That's for earlier." Halatang nagulat siya. I did not let it pass, I kissed him again. This time, longer. "That's because I love you."

Ilang sandali pa bago siya makareact. "Wait here."

"Huh? Saan ka pupunta?" Tanong ko sa kanya nang akmang aalis siya.

"Just wait here, Leigh. I'll be back." Sabi niya saka tumakbo palayo. I started fidgeting. What will I do kung may anumang mangyari sa kanya habang wala ako? Kaya lumabas rin ako ng gate namin. Tinahak ko ang papunta sa kanila.

Before I can go to where their house is, I have to cross the highway first. Pero mukha namang walang sasakyan kasi dis-oras naman na ng gabi. I crossed the high way mindlessly. I was almost at the opposite shoulder of the high way when I felt my body lost its balance.

Parang nagslow motion ang lahat. Isang lata ang ansa paanan ko. yun siguro ang bagay na naapakan ko kaya ako na out of balance. Nang tingnan ko ang kanang bahagi ng high way, isang humaharurot na putting sasakyan ang patungo sa kung nasaan ako. Despite the slow motion, the car was approaching fast.

And after a few seconds, it hit me.

I lost my consciousness, but it came back after a while. I found myself lying at the center of the highway. Alone. With no one. I heard footsteps approaching me, until I saw who it was. It was the young man, and now he is wearing a black suit.

"Si Yariko?" Tanong ko fighting the urge to cry and shout because of the pain I was feeling.

"He's gone." Sabi niya. He's gone? How? Paano nangyari yun? I was the one who got into an accident, I stopped his accident, I stopped him from dying. I came back because of him.

I…

"I see. So that's how it is." I said upon realization. "I died."

Tumango ang lalaki.

"You are a reaper." I told him again. "I died. At that time, when I was crying my heart out at Yariko's grave, I died."

Tumango ulit ang lalaki.

"And this is all an illusion." My tears welled up. "An illusion for me not to ever regret living my life. For me to pass on without anything holding me back."

"I'm sorry." Was all he said.

Umiling ako, "Don't be. I did enjoy being here. And now, I can finally be up there. With Yariko."

Hindi ko alam kung naghahallucinate na naman ba ako, but I heard Yariko calling out my name. Telling me to come to his place. To hurry. A bright light bllinded me.

"It's time." I heard the young man said, "Leigh Anne Sargoza, 19 years old. Died, March 12, 2017. Cause of death: Hypothermia."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at bago pa ako lamunin ng liwanag I told him;

"Thank you."