1 Prologue

"Why must you always cause pain to your mom? Can't you spend one day without hurting her... Answer me!" yelled her uncle the moment she set foot in the house.

At first, she was confused, but then the puzzle assembled itself in her head as she realised her mom had again lied to her family to find obstacles for the child.

Her mother, named Saba, had always shunned her child's existence from the day she had been born. Saba had never sought a baby girl, unlike her husband, who prayed and prayed to have one. Saba hated the offspring because girls, to her, were too expensive to raise. From her perspective, girls needed heaps of clothes, had to buy sanitary items, had to eat more nutritious foods and had to have beauty products such as Make-up, skincare products, shampoo, hair styling tools among many others. Saba hated spending money on others, especially on someone who was so weak and useless.

As the child grew, her mom turned the elder brother against his sister. In front of him, she always looked after his sister instead of spending time with him, instead of helping him with homework, and thus, he scorned his sister. Saba always kept them apart and made sure they grew distant.

The brother never once hugged his sister, and neither did the mom. Her dad was never there to look after her and thus never hugged her too. The infant grew up thinking that hugs were awful and too much. She detested it when people would hug or kiss her on the cheeks. She never enjoyed wearing bracelets, rings, necklaces, and high heels, not even in her teens. There were only guys in her family. Hence, she grew up with the character boys would have.

At school, even though she did well in her studies, her classmates bullied her and took advantage of her. She was an extrovert and loved to play in recess, but then, no one liked to play with her and made her victim of theirs taunts. They always made her feel bad about her physical look, such as her hair and her facial features. The lads, however, accepted her a bit, and she hit with them, even if she knew they were exploiting her.

She did Urdu as Oriental language and all the boys who also did that subject made her do their tasks. She always made them, thinking she was being accepted in their group. The teacher of that subject always criticised her in every way. Her teacher always hit with 20 to 30 rulers every day because of her clothes and because she played with the boys. The teacher despised it when she would wear the school's pants and forced her to put on the dress. When she wore the dress and had no leggings like all the girls, the teacher would yell at her again, ordering her to wear leggings and in the end, obliged her to wear both leggings and dress. The child begun feeling revolt for the subject and even progressed to the extent of forging her parent's signature to send a fake letter of resignation to the principal. Unfortunately, her swindle did not work, and she got trapped. Her parents were called to school, but she couldn't explain why she needed to stop from doing that subject and was forced to continue.

Every day, her father beat her up when the latter came back home from work. Her mom would lie to him saying the youngster had done this and that and then she'd be beaten without a chance to protest or say that whatever her mom had said was fake. Her father loved his daughter but worshipped his wife. He would go on all fours to eat poop if she ordered him to.

Upon reaching secondary school, the teen acknowledged that, contrasted to the other students, her life was a mess, and she began rebelling against her parents. She would backlash them and yell at them. All she wished for was to have a loving family, a mom who would teach her how to cook, how to sew and be there to listen to her and advice her; a dad who would bring them out to have fun, who would teach her about manual works and sports, a papa who would buy her clothes and treat her like a princess. She craved an elder brother who would be there to check on her, wipe her tears when she cried, a brother who would teach her how to fight, how to do funny tricks, protect her from dangers, spoil her and provide to her the safety of his arms when she needed it.

She ended up putting a mask on herself, blocked her emotions and played the role of someone else; became her own brother and the brother of her friends. She appeared strong and overconfident. She always wore an oversized jacket, rolled the sleeves up. The jacket made her feel protected, and the rolled sleeves meant she could defend others. She even gave herself a new name, which all her friends used.

At home, her personality stayed the same. She became cold with her family; stayed in her room all the time and always had her headset on. For the first five years of secondary school, she battled her emotions, which made her lose grip on her studies. Her parents loathed her more when she started failing and was not amongst the first. She was a famous delinquent at school; skipped classes, fought back when teachers called her out, and never did homework.

Her parents always saw her as an opprobrium, a mistake. They always chastised her and told every relative that she did nothing to help in the house when they themselves would never allow her to do so; the second part, however, was never narrated, and thus, everyone thought wrong of her. Sometimes when she was at home alone with her mom, the latter would signal her entire family and notify them that the girl had done something to her and that she was on the brink of despair. Her uncles would come rushing by and would never authorize the young girl to express anything before they would beat her up.

Slowly, she ultimately fused with the one she chose to be. She became stronger; her sudden change of personality brought fear in the eyes of everyone, including her mom, who could only rarely lie to get the girl bashed up. She was no longer abused daily, but it still happened from time to time. Her mom changed tactics and told everyone the child was now physically hurting her. Kim Hitsugaya was her self-chosen name. Saba would tell everyone how Kim would hold her wrist tight, which gave her blues and made her skin turn red, green, and purple. She told everyone she was scared of Kim's strength, which wasn't restrained, and dreaded for her own life.

Kim had reached her sixth year of secondary school when she realized it wasn't too late to catch up on her studies. She started staying in her room more and studied. She had barely started holidays after her O-level exams that her tuitions for the next level started. Kim was already tired of skipping sleep to revise and only wanted to sleep well during the holidays, but her dreams were soon shattered as she saw herself skipping nights again 3 days after her exams had ended.

The hopes of doing well in her A-level exams kept her going, but soon she became sick. Kim had no one to care for her, no one to make her feel safe, and no one to tell her she was the reason for their happiness. Her hatred for her parents only grew as the latter were against her choice of subjects. Kim wanted to pursue her life in sports but her parents wanted her to work in an office and earn more money for them. Kim was always tired during the day, but she had to hold on. She spent weekdays without sleep and then would wake up late on Sundays. Although she worked hard, her mom was always there to tell her off. She would always complain about the electricity bills, she would always tell her she should have already learned how to cook and she always made as if she was some weak 80-year-old woman who was abused by a youngster.

Things had got better for her and she often went off for a walk when she wanted some air. Her mom and she still fought but miraculously, not like in the past and Kim somehow felt like she could befriend her mom but still kept some barriers around her, just in case.

That day, Kim had as usual decided she needed some air, and with her mom's permission, she set off. The youngster had not told her parents, but she had been unwell for many days and still was. Kim was burning with fever every night, had unbearable migraines, and her teeth ached. She had also been doing cardio to sweat the illness off, but it didn't seem to work the way she wanted it to. Instead of feeling fresh, Kim had sore muscles and could barely walk and move around. However, she never showed weakness in front of her parents or other relatives, in fear they might take advantage of her. Little did she know her mom had noticed her weakness and had planned for her a long-forgotten type of welcome...