1 F*ck this World in Particular

Dark clouds rolled overhead.

The sound of rumbling thunder shook the air. Streaks of violent red danced through the clouds like fish in water. Each streak varied in size, some were as thin as twine, while others were as thick as tree trunks. Regardless, each bolt was wreathed in power. The buzz of energy was practically palpable.

Tribulation lightning. Or at least, something that resembled it. Maybe they had come as a result of his failed ascension. They were undoubtedly dangerous. One bolt was enough to completely vaporize lesser cultivators. Even for him, getting hit by one of them would leave more than just a bruise.

Unfortunately, they were the least of his problems.

Straining his eyes, he focused on the distant horizon. There, he could see humanoid shapes, all floating in the air. Each shape was equipped with at least one weapon. They were probably divine artifacts or something similar. Considering the background of his current opposition, it wasn't much of a surprise. A rough count put their numbers at around 10,000.

It was a literal army of cultivators.

Most of them were probably negligible. He could tell that a large majority of the army consisted of cultivators a realm below him. To him, the difference might as well have been heaven and earth. Out of the ten thousand, he identified only ten individuals that were equal to or above his current level. These guys were probably old ancestors or half-dead corpses. They may not be as vigorous as he was, but old codgers like them were typically pretty wily. It was best to be careful when confronting these types of people. They no doubt had at least one ace up their sleeves that could potentially turn the tides of battle, maybe even two.

In his current situation, fighting an army of cultivators would not be easy. After his failed ascension, he was currently operating at less than half capacity. With the right tactic, even a cultivator a realm below him would prove dangerous.

"What are you thinking about, partner?" A rugged voice suddenly called out to him, breaking his concentration.

Hyoudou Issei turned towards the source of the voice.

Limbs large enough to squash elephants and leathery wings so wide that they could probably blot out the sun. Its jaws passively radiated heat, while a thick layer of deep crimson scales covered its exterior. The voice had originated from a gigantic western dragon.

It hovered in the air, a mere hundred feet below the tribulation storm.

Issei stood atop the crown of the creature's head. He was unfazed by the aura of sheer terror that the dragon passively emitted. To him, the dragon was not something he needed to fear. After more than three hundred years together, the feeling of fear and awe had long since been replaced by comradery. The duo had been through thick and thin together. Issei had saved its life on more than one occasion, and the dragon had done much the same for him. They were an inseparable pair of friends and partners.

Issei shook his head. "Nothing much, Ddraig," he casually responded. "Just thinking about how we probably won't survive this one."

"Ah, that does seem to be the case, doesn't it?" The dragon named Ddraig responded back, equally as casually. "We've survived plenty of situations these past few years, but unless a miracle occurs, I don't think we're getting out of this one alive."

Issei chuckled. "I'm afraid we've run out of miracles, old friend."

"You're probably right. Still, it was fun."

Issei did not respond this time. Instead, he sank into silence. His eyes were turned towards the distant horizon, right where the army of cultivators awaited. To anyone else, it might have appeared as if Issei's gaze was directed towards the distant horizon, where the army of cultivators awaited, but in truth, his gaze was directed far past that. After what felt like an eternity, Issei finally spoke.

This time, his voice was laden in an emotion that could only be described as bitter regret. It was a complete one-eighty from his earlier tone.

"I… I don't want to die yet, Ddraig."

"Oh?"

Issei's sudden declaration surprised the old dragon. In the time he had spent with the man, he had known Issei to be someone who lacked a fear of death. Now, Issei did not possess a naturally fearless disposition. Instead, it was an inevitable consequence of all the shit that Issei went through. A man can only take so many life-or-death experiences before things start getting… stale.

It was completely against his character to be afraid of death.

Despite all that, at this moment, Issei was truly afraid. In fact, he was even crying. Ddraig could make out hot, bitter tears rolling down the man's cheeks. Issei's frame shook like a leaf during a midsummer storm. He curled up into himself and practically wailed like a kid throwing a tantrum.

At this point, Ddraig was beginning to worry. "Issei, are you oka—"

"I'm going to die a virgin, Ddraig!" He shouted, "How could I possibly be okay?!"

Ddraig breathed out an exasperated sigh.

Of course, that's what he's worried about.

How could he have possibly forgotten? Issei was a pervert with a one-track mind. He dreamed of one day becoming a harem king. Even after three hundred years, that dream remained the same. Unfortunately, Issei's dream was further away than ever before now.

"I've been in this shitty world for over three centuries!" The melancholic man suddenly ranted. "At first, I thought it was pretty cool, what with all the magic kung-fu and all the pretty ladies with pale complexions, but reality couldn't have been further from the truth! This place is covered in murderous assholes— like I literally can't go five steps without running into one! Because of those dickheads, I've been constantly on the run! I can't even eat, piss, or shit without having to worry about some asshole stabbing me in the back! I picked up cultivation because I wanted to pick up chicks, not fight arrogant young masters and their backers!"

Issei shook his head. The despair on his face was both deep and traumatizing. "I haven't even talked to a girl in over seventy-five years. Seventy-five, Ddraig! Seventy fucking five!"

"Er, it's been pretty tough on you, hasn't it?" Ddraig tried his best to comfort his host, but it was to no avail.

Issei continued to rant out all the grievances he had accrued throughout the three hundred years he had spent stuck in this world. The old dragon honestly couldn't blame him. Despite the numerous amounts of 'jade beauties' that populated this place, Issei's interactions with the female gender could be counted on one hand.

Issei was truly born under an unlucky star, and now that he was on the precipices of death, the man's lips were just a tad bit looser than usual.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Issei finally began to wind down.

"You done, partner?" Ddraig spoke up.

"Yeah," Issei uttered. His face had reverted back to the placid casualness from before. "I think I got all of it out. I'm done."

And for the most part, he was. While a deep well of regret still rested within his heart, Issei had largely accepted his current situation. Death was… inevitable, but that didn't mean he wouldn't go down swinging. Those assholes had chased him down from one end of the planet to the other and completely ruined his chances at being a harem king. They were as stubborn as mules, and Issei wanted nothing more than to cave in each and every one of their skulls.

Now, Issei wasn't normally a violent man, but there was only so much bullshit a person could take before they snapped. Suffice to say, he had reached his breaking point a long time ago.

As his emotions stirred and festered, he couldn't help but think back to how this all started.

It all began when Issei abruptly found himself in the body of a completely different person. There was no explanation for this mysterious phenomenon, no voice in his head, no system prompt, not even any indication that something abnormal had occurred. He only discovered the truth after the fact, when he woke up one morning and found himself staring up at a ceiling completely different from his own.

After a little bit of investigation, he had quickly determined that he was currently stuck in a different world. His evidence? The existence of cultivators.

Cultivators were basically magical martial artists. They practiced esoteric arts in order to strengthen themselves and extend their lifespan, all with the ultimate goal of achieving immortality. It was a pretty outlandish concept, but Issei was somewhat familiar with it, on account of some of the foreign web novels and manga that he had read in the past.

As for the identity of his new body, it belonged to a young man also named Issei. Both Isseis shared a similar appearance, with only a few minor differences. Primarily, Earth Issei possessed a darker shade of brown hair compared to his other world counterpart. Anyway, this Issei was an orphan who belonged to a small clan in a small city located in a small state of a small kingdom that was under the control of a small empire in the smallest continent of the world.

… Yeah, he was quick to notice that particular pattern.

The memories he had received from his new body pretty much explained the situation to him. A group of his fellow clan members had beat him up for looking at one of the clan heirs wrong. Since Issei was only a branch member, nobody really cared what happened to him. Still, a few of the thugs at least had the common decency to drop his mangled corpse into his bedroom. Unfortunately, the original owner of this body had died due to the injuries. That was when the Hyoudou Issei from Earth came into the picture.

When he possessed the body, his injuries had magically healed, leaving only a slight stinging sensation underneath his skin.

After he got over the initial shock of suddenly transmigrating into a new world, Issei began to think.

While he had plenty of worries and concerns about his situation, he was also excited.

He had read plenty of web novels before. As such, he was quite familiar with a few of the cliches that often accompanied said novels. There was one cliche in particular that he was very interested in: the harem. A large number of the protagonists of these types of novels often amassed harems of their own.

Issei, being the type of person that he was, naturally wanted a piece of that action.

Unfortunately, reality was not as pleasant as his fantasies.

While Issei's protagonist halo certainly shined brightly within this new world (evident by all the lucky encounters that he experienced), unluckily for him, he was in the wrong genre.

Instead of a comfy romance with an ever-growing harem of beautiful girls, he had been apparently transmigrated into a gritty, action-packed story centered solely on fighting and single-minded cultivation. Moreover, this story wasn't even the fun kind. It was a third-rate story filled with repetitive arcs, boring exposition, and plot holes galore (seriously, how the hell did that one bastard jump two whole realms in less than three weeks?)

Worse still was all the enemies that gravitated towards him. It was as if this entire world hated him. Young masters picked fights with him for no reason, random merchants plotted behind his back for the smallest benefits, and even the random bandits that attacked him on the roadside were connected to some giant sect with a 100,000-year-long history. That last one, in particular, happened at least three times.

It was completely illogical!

Dealing with the people of this world sucked. It sucked even more when ancient ancestors and mysterious backers suddenly appear out of nowhere. Those guys were a whole other mess of trouble.

In order to survive, Issei was forced to constantly elevate his personal strength. He basically spent the entire time cultivating. It was not a fun experience.

The boredom was one thing, but it was the loneliness that really got to him. Cultivating to immortality was an incredibly lonely practice. No one knew this more than Issei himself. It was honestly disheartening, especially for a guy who aimed to be a harem king like him.

Fortunately, his days got a little bit less lonely with Ddraig's arrival.

Ddraig was actually something he brought over from Earth. He was an ancient dragon trapped in a godly artifact known as a Sacred Gear. It was a bit of a surprise to hear that Earth wasn't as normal as he initially thought, but more than that, Issei was slightly pissed off at the whole situation.

The Boosted Gear (the name of the sacred gear that Issei possessed) was a powerful artifact, capable of indefinitely doubling a user's attributes. In other words, it was the type of cheat item that most protagonists received at the start of their journey. Unfortunately for Issei, he only managed to awaken the sacred gear when his realm had reached Nascent Soul. In terms of story progression, that was practically mid-way through the plot!

Something like the Boosted Gear would have been immensely helpful at the start of his journey, where even the beginner mobs proved life-threatening due to his weak initial foundation.

In either case, Ddraig turned out to be a reliable partner and confidant in this world of needless bloodshed.

The duo fought tooth and nail together. They explored dangerous forbidden realms, conquered ancient trial grounds, and even stole a few treasures from pompous sects. Ddraig was even able to get something for himself: a cultivation method that allowed him to break free from the shackles that kept him entrapped within the Boosted Gear. The cultivation method also strengthened him far above his original strength, which proved helpful on more than one occasion.

As strong as the heavenly dragon was, he paled in comparison to some of the old monsters that this world had to offer.

Their adventures continued in similar trajectory. The main constant was the number of enemies that wanted their death. No matter how inconspicuous he tried to be, Issei always seemed to attract the wrong type of attention. Even when using an art that made him invisible, he still managed to provoke the ire of several factions. It was ridiculous!

After more than three hundred years of fighting, running, and mad cultivation, they finally arrived at their most current situation.

Issei's luck had finally run out.

The people after him this time consisted of an alliance of several factions that he had inadvertently offended. Righteous sects, demonic sects, hidden families, economic conglomerates, royalty, etc. The people that hated him came from all sorts of backgrounds. Due to their sheer size and span of control, Issei could do nothing but continually flee. He was eventually forced to hide in a forbidden realm owned by one of the factions.

Unfortunately, it did not take long for them to find him.

Issei cultivated madly, in hopes of breaking through to the next realm and gaining the strength to fight off his enemies, but just as he was about to ascend, a sneak attack interrupted him. It was a completely unlucky set of circumstances. At the time, Ddraig was being held back by a part of at least thirty cultivators. As the two parties fought, a third party rushed him.

Issei managed to kill his attacker, but the backlash severely injured him and depleted his reserves. In addition, the tribulation lightning that had gathered also decided to stick around.

Because of his carelessness, Issei now had to fight over ten thousand enemy cultivators, with ten of those cultivators being old ancestors who were all at or above his current realm. To be honest, if it was just the ten ancestors, then things might not be so bad. Unfortunately, the rest of the army was not idle.

Instead of fighting directly, they consolidated their strength in order to power and operate a giant array called the Slaughter House Hunt Array. The array's main function was to gradually weaken a chosen target. With enough hands, they could turn an expert cultivator into a harmless mouse.

It was a frightening array designed specifically for hard-to-crack opponents like Issei.

Issei was feeling the effects of the array big time.

His current strength was already at half thanks to the cultivation backlash that he received. The array only exasperated this problem. Right now, his fighting strength was probably even lower than the cultivators that made up the bulk of the army. Ddraig was no different. Although he did not suffer from cultivation backlash, the array was affecting him all the same. They were both weak, exhausted, and frankly, tired of this stupid world.

Issei had officially run out of options. At this point, death was all but inevitable. Still, that did not mean he had to die alone.

"Ddraig, I have a method." He whispered underneath his breath to his dragon companion.

"Oh?" Ddraig's eyes sparkled with interest. "You actually found a way out of this mess?"

Issei laughed a bitter laugh. "Nothing like that, I'm afraid. Survival isn't an option, not anymore. Still, I have a way to at least take these guys down with us."

Ddraig let out a sigh. After a moment, he nodded his head. "Well, hoping for a way out may have been too much. If you really have a way to bring these assholes down with us, then I'm game. What's the plan?"

"We're going to blow this place up."

The massive dragon blinked. "What?"

Issei quickly explained his plan.

When they first entered the forbidden realm, Issei had accidentally stumbled into something that could be considered a control room. In the room, he found a strange token. Experimenting with the token revealed it to be something similar to a self-destruct button.

Of course, blowing up the entire realm would all but guarantee death, but at this point, Issei really was out of options.

With a flick of his wrist, a palm-sized token suddenly appeared in his hand. Issei stared at the device for a long moment, contemplating whether or not he should really go through with the plan.

Just then, some of the old ancestors noticed the object that Issei had just pulled out. Their experience and instinct immediately informed them of the inherent danger found within the token. They panicked and quickly rushed towards him.

Issei noticed their approach but paid them little mind. Instead, he turned back towards his companion.

"It's been fun, Ddraig." His words were simple, yet they conveyed all the emotion he needed. With a thought, he funneled a sliver of his true qi into the token. The token immediately flashed a bright white. It continued to flash intermittently, acting sort of like a countdown.

"It has been fun, Issei," Ddraig responded. "Out of all my hosts, you were without a doubt, my favorite."

The brown-haired man chuckled at that. "I would have been happier to hear those words from a girl, but in this situation, I guess you'll do instead."

As the duo exchanged their last goodbyes, the first of the old codgers had arrived. He reached for the token, but by this point, it was already far too late. Before the old man's brittle fingers could so much as touch the token, the whole world flashed with a piercing light and Issei knew no more.

****

He was dead.

Or at least, that was the plan.

Instead of an eternal darkness, Issei slowly opened his eyes.

He stared up at a vaguely familiar ceiling. The ceiling was colored white and there was a fan there too. The latter was weird since the immortal world did not really have ceiling fans.

Still in a daze, Issei sat up. He inspected the room.

The place was kind of filthy.

It was a bedroom of sorts. A bed was pushed to the corner, while a desk sat opposite of it. There was a trash can next to the desk. The trashcan was filled to the brim with used tissues. Hanging on the walls were posters featuring women dressed in a wide assortment of revealing clothes. Some were real, while some were 2D. There was also a laptop on the desk. The laptop screen was currently paused on a video. Issei instantly recognized the type of video.

It was porn.

As for the man himself, Issei sat on the floor in the middle of the room. There was a bottle of moisturizing lotion next to him. He held a porn magazine in one hand, and his dick in the other.

He stared blankly at the room for what felt like an eternity. For a moment, his brain had trouble processing what exactly it was he was seeing. Then, his eyes bulged wide in realization.

That trashcan full of used tissues… the posters… the porn video featuring my favorite actress…

"What the hell?! Isn't this my old bedroom!" He inadvertently shouted in shock. After a quick pause, he looked down below him and quickly let go of his little member. He ran towards the window, not even fully aware that he was still bare from the waist down. He flung open the curtains and stared wide at the familiar neighborhood before him.

"I… I actually made it back." His voice quivered. It felt like a dream. If it was a dream, then he did not want to wake up.

Before he could do anything else though, a piercing scream reverberated through the air. Issei whirled around to the source of the sound. It was coming from down the street.

A woman was screaming, all the while pointing towards his window. The woman's screams attracted the attention of a few wandering passersby. Coincidentally, most of the people on the street were also women. They turned towards the direction that she was pointing at.

"KYAA!"

"Gross, it's a pervert!"

"Now, that's a katana!"

Issei frowned in confusion for a moment, before he turned his gaze downward. It was then that he realized that his crotch was completely bare.

Instead of reacting like how a normal person would and covering themselves up, Issei instead broke out into a hearty laugh.

Girls screaming at him, people calling him a pervert… it was all so nostalgic.

"I'm finally back."