11 Dinner will be served with a side of insecurity

Ashley was just about done setting up the table with the three dishes that Alan had requested earlier when he walked out fresh from his shower. He went over and laid a quick little peck on her cheek before sitting down. She jumped a little at the sudden kiss and then recomposed herself before sitting down at the table as well. Alan smiled at her before picking up his chopsticks to get ready to eat.

"The food looks so good. Enjoy."

"You seem to be in good mood today. Is there some good news you want to share?"

Alan looked over at Ashley innocently, "I don't know what you mean."

"You normally aren't like this."

"What am I normally like?"

"You are just a little more..." Ashley couldn't think of a word to use for a bit "emotional than normal."

"Emotional?"

"You normally spend this time to catch up on emails or do whatever it is you do on your laptop. During this time, we are normally in our own worlds. But today, you..." She really couldn't find words to describe his behavior today without making herself sound horrible.

Alan knew she didn't know how to describe his behavior today so he offered to help. "Today I am acting more like a caring and loving husband versus the husband that you are used to. The husband that pushed his wife into a marriage without love that was all about business and gain. The one who made his wife live through most of her prime years without love and affection."

Ashley didn't know what to say. She was just thinking that he was more loving today, she never thought that he forced her to do anything or was she ever bitter about not receiving affection.

"I never thought of you like that."

"Regardless of how you think of me, those are the facts. But, I would like to change. I would like to have a real marriage with you. One with all the love and warmth that a girl wants. I really want you to be happy and satisfied with the life you have." He paused for a second. "With the husband you chose."

"I really don't know what has gotten into you. Is this a mid-life crisis? A phase?"

She got up to clear the dishes away and clean up so they can get ready to relax for the night. Alan sighed that she was being so unbelievably dense. What more did he have to do or say for her to understand that he wanted them to be in love. He stood up and headed over to their room first to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

Ashley finished up cleaning in the kitchen and then went into their room. She went to get her clothes and then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and shower before turning in for the night.

She sat in front of the vanity table doing her nighttime routine for facial care while looking over at Alan lounging on the bed. She really didn't understand what he was thinking. Was he not feeling well? Was something going on in his company that was stressing him out? She wants to help him but he isn't telling her anything. She finished up at the vanity table and walked over to her side of the bed. She looked over at Alan.

"You will tell me if anything is wrong, right? If you need any help, i am always here for you."

Alan looked over perturbed. Did she think he was having some trouble? Well, concern is a good thing. It shows that she has some feelings for him.

"Nothing is wrong. I just want us to change. I want us to start trying to make this relationship work."

"This relationship does work. We are great. There is nothing wrong."

"I want this relationship to be something."

"I don't understand what you are trying to do. It is something. You and I, we are good together. We help each other, we support each other, we respect each other. I don't understand what you are thinking."

"Yeah we are all that but we don't love each other."

Ashley blinked. After all this time, is he now asking for love? Why now? "Love? When we went into this marriage, we both knew that we were both emotionally unavailable and incapable. Why are you trying to change that now?"

"Yes back then that was how it was. I wanted you so that I didn't have to invest time into a marriage and i didn't have to entertain the fantasies of women because I didn't have time for that. I had other priorities to fulfill my goals in life. But now, I have accomplished a lot and now its time for me to settle down."

"So this is about convenience for you again? Because i am already your wife you might as well have me love you so you don't have to go around to find the right one."

"No, its not like that. Somewhere along the way, during some time I am not aware of, I started to like you. I enjoy our life together, we are very compatible and I can imagine living my whole life with you."

"Is it because you don't want to give me the 5% to your company. I understand that the value today is a lot more than what you may have thought it would be then."

Alan was getting frustrated. He didn't know what to do so he moved over to her side and passionately kissed her.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

"I want us to be actual husband and wife tonight. I want to make love to you, to show you what I mean."

He went back to kissing her but she pushed him away and stood up. "I really do not understand what has gotten into you but we are not having sex tonight!"

At this point, Alan was really angry. "Why? We have been married for four years! These four years, i have always respected you and have patiently waited for you to be ready but you are never ready! Is it because of him? Are you saving yourself for him? Are you waiting until we get a divorce so you can go back to your life with him and I would have just been a little passerby in your life?"

"Him? What are you talking about?"

"Im talking about Josh! The reason you waited until the last minute to find me, wasn't it to wait for him to come back and help you?"

She looked over with guilt at Alan. "I admit, back then I was hoping and waiting for him to come back. Back then, i still had my head in the clouds. But once I married you, I had let him go. I stopped waiting for him because he wasn't going to come back."

"Well he is back now. And you, my dear wife, will go to him and leave me in the dust."

After that, Alan walked out of the room. Ashley could see now that the appearance of Josh in town is really affecting Alan or was it the fact that Alan needed some sexual release after all this time. She had told Alan from the beginning that she had a relationship with one other person and he had never expressed any displeasure from it. He also never pressured her into anything before this. Why was he now giving her such a hard time?

Now, she is conflicted on whether she should comfort him or be mad at him for his distrust and accusation towards her. But, their marriage was built on mutual benefits, not trust so he isn't in the wrong. How was she supposed to respond in a situation like this?