~In the Rain~

I slumped down into the passenger seat of my mom's car and watched the raindrops roll off the windshield. I hated rainy days like this as if I didn't feel crummy enough without mother nature rubbing it in. The thunder and the pounding of rain on the glass along with the sound of staticky music made for an even more depressing soundtrack to the gloomy day. This town was boring enough as it was without the rain to limit activities even further. I used to enjoy thunderstorms. We didn't get them all that often and my mom and I had made a fun tradition of playing hide and seek with nothing but flashlights to navigate through the house. It was stupid I guess, but it was always fun for me. We didn't play that much anymore. I had a hard time remembering the last time we'd done anything fun together.

    The sound of my mother slamming the car door in frustration pulled me back to the present. I'd been so lost in thought I hadn't seen my mom leave the school or approach the car. I didn't bother turning my head to look at her. I didn't need to. I knew she was pissed. I knew what I did. And I knew that I wasn't sorry about it. I'm pretty sure my mom knew too, it wasn't exactly like this hadn't happened before.

I heard the soft clicking sound of my mom turning the volume dial before the sound from the radio cut off. I could practically feel her glare burning into the back of my neck. It was something my mom did whenever she knew I knew I did something wrong. She'd just stare at me for an uncomfortably long time or until the guilt of disappointing her made me confess. It usually didn't take long for the silent guilt trip to work either. I hated disappointing my mom, she'd been like my best friend since forever. Well, at least she used to be. My Mom's usual look of disappointment seemed a lot angrier now though. Like her. Like me. I'd always had anger problems, I've been told I get them from my dad, but the last few years had made them a lot worse.

My mom must've gotten impatient with her tactics not working fast enough because her voice broke through the silence in a less than pleasant tone.

"Suspended. Again. Really?! Is it really so hard for you to just walk away!'

"Well, he started it." my stolid tone of voice seemed to only anger her more.

"I don't care who started it, you gave him a bloody nose! Do you even care about what I'm saying to you or about the trouble that you are in?!"

"Not really, no"

She scoffed and shook her head in disbelief as I turned to look at her, my anger getting the better of me, again.

"What do you want me to say, mom? That I'm sorry? That it'll never happen again? Because I'm not and to be honest it probably will since Alex can't seem to keep his mouth shut."

"Sin!"

"What! It's true, he's been begging for a right hook to the face since the first week of school. Not my fault he can't take a hit."

My mom was silent for a moment; we both just stared out the windshield watching the rain. "Wow. Just wow" my mom shook her head again as she looked out into the mostly empty parking lot of my school. "Sin, what is up with you lately?" her voice was softer now and laced with more concern than anger. An opportunity to open up to her about how I felt. A chance to cry with her about the messed-up life we were living. Maybe even a chance to turn things around. Maybe we could've... If only I'd kept my mouth shut.

"Wow, way to play dumb."

"Excuse me!" her anger returned.

"You heard me. 'What's up with you lately?' Really mom?! You're going to ask me that and pretend like you don't know!"

Silence

"Whatever, let's just go home."

"Sin." her voice was softer now, or sadder rather.

"I said I wanna go home. I'll get enough shit from Jeff I don't need it from you too."

The ride home was quiet. Fighting with my mom like that felt like a punch to the gut, and I'd regretted my words as soon as we'd left the school parking lot; I wasn't ready to apologize yet though.

    Before I knew it my mom's old station wagon pulled up behind our house and came to a stop. Our house, for whatever reason, had two driveways; one on the right that went up to our front door and another on the left that went up to the garage in the back. Jeff made my mom park her car in the back so that it wouldn't ruin the aesthetic of his new truck. Asshole. This car has been in my family for as long as I can remember. My dad bought it for my mom as a wedding gift and if anyone is ruining the aesthetic of anything it's Jeff and his stupid truck.

We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before my mom finally said something.

"You know I love you right? I know these last couple of years haven't been easy for you, but you can't keep doing this. I mean what happens if you get expelled?"

I didn't turn to look at her, I wasn't sure I wanted to see the disappointment on her face. "Well, then I guess I'd go to a different school, no big deal."

"No big deal! Kid, how many schools do think there are around here, much less one that would take you?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?!"

She slumped against her seat and slammed her palm against the wheel. "God, sometimes I wish I'd put you up for adoption."

"Yeah well, maybe you should have! At least then neither of us would be stuck in this hell hole!"

The car fell silent again and I started counting the last of the raindrops that slid down the window. The sound of my mom opening her car door drew me back to look at her.

"I'm going inside, come in when you're ready"

"Yeah, Whatever"

She closed the door and walked up the pavement to our back door. Once she'd disappeared through the doorway I put my earbuds in and went back to pretending like her words didn't tear me apart.