22 what could go wrong?

Hyun-ki

"He was bound to find out sooner or later, Hyunie. What's the big deal?" Seoyeon's feathery voice floated over to my ears like a bird in flight, but it took a moment to absorb into my brain. I'd been feeling off for the past couple of days, head feeling like mush and my thoughts jumbling together in the most frustrating way. However, today was the worst yet.

Each day passed by quicker and quicker, making a nervous and dreadful dance of butterflies explode in my stomach. I tried not to think about it too much, but my 'hot date' was approaching inevitably within the next several hours and to say I was a wreck would be an understatement.

"You should've seen his face." I stabbed at a lonely piece of lettuce on my plate, wishing in that moment that I too could simply lay down and drown in my own lonesome thoughts, "I've never seen him like that. It's obvious that something's bothering him, but I don't want to push if he isn't comfortable sharing."

Memories of the terribly awkward and uncomfortable night that had occurred earlier that week swam around in my head like a goldfish in a fishbowl far too small for its size. It had been a perfectly fine evening until I had to open my big mouth and ruin it. Maybe I should've just played off his joke as always and ignored it.

Maybe I could have lied and said I was going out to see a friend.

Maybe then I wouldn't have his face stuck in my head with the swirling storm of foreign emotions gleaming through his almond eyes and boring into my own.

Why he seemed so put off at my words was a mystery to me. It's not like I had snapped at him or said something irrational that he hadn't been expecting. I simply answered his question truthfully. However, the look on his face was beyond just a bit of shock- which was what I fully expected. He looked taken aback on a new level, something in his eyes crumbling down and shattering at his feet. I could tell in the way he carried his weight to bed later that night just how off he was acting. The usual confidence and power in his steps were gone, replaced by weak and shuffled movements.

"You're thinking too much." Seoyeon scoffed from across the table, "Quit using that brain of yours and start acting with your heart. You finally have a hot date tonight, and you're not about to let these irrational thoughts about Chanwoo ruin it for you. What you're going to do is live a little and do something for yourself for once."

"I know, I'm sorry." I let my head fall dejectedly as my cheeks flushed with shame. I couldn't help it. It's not like I wanted to spend every waking second of my life worrying about something that probably meant nothing. I knew that I was probably just overthinking things and that whatever shift I thought I saw in Chan that night probably had nothing to do with me revealing that I did in fact have a date.

Why would he care? He never did before.

For the first time that day, Seoyeon's words started to actually sink in. I can't let someone hold me back and get in the way of what could be a new possibility and chance for true love and happiness.

My expectations for the night to come were low, but it beats sitting at home in my pajamas watching a man I love oblivious to how badly I wish I could sit just a little closer to him, hold him just a little tighter than what friends should, and drown in him forever.

...

After having lunch with Seoyeon at a new cafe that opened up near the publishing office, work had gone by relatively quick. I'd been avoiding my friend group at work during breaks like the plague, well aware that Minjun was sitting with them.

It seemed pathetic that I was avoiding the person I was meant to be going on a date with, but something about hanging out with him in person with all of my nosy friends around was extremely unappealing.

We'd met a couple of times when Minjun snuck over to my cubicle after work and during his breaks to say hello and chat for a moment. However, with our friends there to tease and poke fun at us would surely be a nightmare that I surely wasn't prepared to deal with just yet.

Especially since Seoyeon opened her big mouth and blabbered to the entire office that she set us up. People I didn't even know well had been giving me sly looks all week, and I absolutely hated the attention. However, I valued Seoyeon and I's friendship and her golden heart far too much to take any of the frustration out on her. I knew she was just excited for me and truly wished for the best, even if her attitude came off as borderline obnoxious when talking about my love life- or lack thereof.

I'd been pacing nervously in my bedroom for around an hour when Chanwoo called to me from the living room to announce that he was going out to pick up some groceries for the apartment. Luckily, his ability to drive safely again gave him a bit more freedom and allowed him to feel a bit better about the situation we were in. Before, he felt as if he were mooching off of me and simply taking up space in my apartment instead of making himself useful. Despite my many attempts at telling him otherwise, he finally started to feel more at ease now that he could help out with running errands and helping me get things done that involved leaving the apartment.

With the place to myself, I stood in front of the closet in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs as I shuffled through various shirts and pants. What was I supposed to wear? Minjun had told me that he wanted to take me to an Italian fusion restaurant that had opened up downtown earlier this month, but I wasn't sure of just how nice the joint was. Nothing is worse than showing up to a date completely under or over dressed. Is a button-down too fancy? Would a simple long sleeved T-shirt and jeans be too casual?

After nearly working myself up to tears, I decided on a soft, dark red sweater that reminded me of a cozy Autumn evening and black skinny jeans. I could only hope that I wouldn't look out of place and that Minjun wouldn't show up in something that made me look like a street rat standing next to him.

I fussed with my hair in the mirror for a bit until I decided to just leave it be and not try anything too extravagant with it. My roots were grown out quite a bit, and the last haircut I had got rid of most of the blonde that was left. I was told that blonde looked good on me and that it helped me look youthful.

Also, Chanwoo had been the one to convince me to dye my hair in the first place last year after a drunken game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The rules had been if he won, I had to dye my hair platinum blonde. If I won, he had to dye his hair purple.

I lost, and the next day we'd gone to the nearest salon to carry out my end of the bet.

Even as horrified as I had been to dye my previously virgin hair, the look on Chanwoo's face as he recorded the process on his cellphone and snapped goofy selfies of us made the sacrifice well worth it.

My phone chimed from where it was laying on my bed, the familiar sound carrying through the room and breaking me from my reminiscing. I walked across the room and picked it up, seeing Chanwoo's caller ID before reading the message.

'Just finished shopping, be home soon :)'

I replied a response quickly before sticking my phone in my back pocket. No matter how hard I tried to stay calm, my nerves were getting the better of me. It'd been just over a year since I had gone on a date with anyone, and I was never one to go out very often as it is.

My brain told me to stop worrying so much and to just try and enjoy my night with Minjun because I deserved it- because I owed it to myself. In the time that I'd been talking to him, he was nothing but sweet, kind, caring, and showed a real interest in me. He was handsome, warm-hearted and treated me well so far, which made me feel just that much worse. I felt guilty; like he was wasting his time with someone like me who couldn't necessarily give him everything he deserved.

As I finally stopped my panicked pacing, I sat down at the foot of my bed and contemplated if my cologne was too strong. A slightly sick ache was nestled in the pit of my stomach that begged me to just call it off and stay home snuggled in my pajamas in front of the TV with Chanwoo by my side.

Would any of this be worth it in the end? What if I just get my heart broken, or what if I break his?

Before I could drive myself any crazier, my phone buzzed once again in my pocket. I reached for it, choosing to ignore the slight shake in my fingers as I typed in my passcode and read the message.

'I'm almost there, I can't wait for tonight!'

I stared at the text for a few moments while I contemplated whether or not to reply. I finally mustered the courage to respond before I could change my mind,

'Ok! I can't wait either, Minjun :)'

I stood up from my bed and busied myself with cleaning up the living room. I fluffed the pillows on the couch and folded the throw blanket strewn across it over and over again. The room was already tidy, but doing nothing would give me more time to worry and try to talk myself out of what was to come any minute.

Soon enough, the doorbell rang, causing my heart to flutter anxiously. I grabbed my coat from where it was folded on the kitchen table and slipped on my shoes before double checking my pockets to make sure my wallet and phone were both tucked safely inside. I allowed myself one last moment alone to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

You can do this, Hyun-ki. Just be yourself and don't overthink things. He's sweet and seems to be really interested in you, what could go wrong?

I opened my eyes and exhaled before grabbing the doorknob and twisting it open.

The sound of two voices conversing didn't reach my ears until the door was already about a quarter of the way open, causing my brows to furrow in confusion.

Who is Minjun talking to? Is someone else here?

Once the door was fully open, my eyes settled on a site that made my blood run cold and my heart to drop into the pit of my stomach.

As if I hadn't already been worried enough about tonight, my nerves skyrocketed to an unhealthy level as I took in the situation before me.

Standing side by side outside the door was not only Minjun as I'd been expecting, but none other than Chanwoo juggling groceries just behind him, eyes cast to the ground.

In my panicked daze, I'd completely forgotten that Chanwoo was on the way home from the store. Who would've thought that he and Minjun would arrive at the same time?

Just my luck.

In that moment, I cursed myself mentally for previously convincing myself that nothing could possibly go wrong and make things awkward once again.