13 Chapter 12

“So, how did everything go with Colton?” he asks me as we continue walking to our next class.

I sigh and bite my lip, trying to get my emotions under control before I say anything. “We got into a fight.”

“How bad?” he asks, his forehead scrunching up with concern.

“Pretty bad.”

“What for?”

I contemplate whether I should tell him or not. Suddenly, I’m filled with the urge to. I want to. I need to. But I can’t make the words come out. He waits patiently for me to reply, watching every emotion warring across my face.

“He kissed me,” I finally manage to rush out, my cheeks feeling hotter and my heart thumping at a million miles a minute.

He’s quiet for a moment. “How do you feel about that?”

I let out a laugh. “You sound like my therapist.”

He frowns. “You have a therapist?”

Oh geez. Good going, Natalie. “Sorta, kinda. That wasn’t the point.”

“Well, it is now. What do you mean ‘sorta, kinda’?” he asks, his voice worried and demanding.

Does he think I’m a freak now? Why did I open my mouth? “My mom keeps trying to send me to one because of Colton. I refuse to go, though. It’s completely unnecessary,” I say, shrugging as if it’s not a big deal.

“Are you that bad off?” he softly asks me.

I roll my eyes. “I shut down when he left me. Completely. I went from being happy and enjoying life to.... nothing.”

“Wow, Natalie. I’m really sorry. We need to hang out again soon so we can actually sit and talk.”

I consider this and nod my head, which makes him smile at me. Maybe opening up to him won’t be such a bad thing. Maybe it’ll actually help. “Didn’t we actually sit down and talk last time we hung out, though?” I ask, raising my eyebrows with a smirk,

“Okay, then do it again. More. But, back to my first question. How did that make you feel?” he asks.

I think about it for a minute before I answer him. “At first, I forgot about us not being friends anymore because it felt so normal. Like we automatically fell back into an old pattern. But then I remembered and I felt angry and confused. I couldn’t believe his nerve.”

“So, you’re not happy that he did it?”

“No,” I say without hesitation. “I’m angry that he did it. I’m angry that he acts like he can just come in and out of my life like that. I’m hurt, too. Colton doing that just reopened old wounds that I’ve spent over six months trying to close and keep that way. Why is he doing this to me?” I ask, my emotions starting to build.

“Maybe he regrets it and wants you back. Maybe that was his extremely blunt way of telling you. I wouldn’t doubt it. I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you.”

I scoff. “What would make you think that?”

“The stories I’ve heard, the way he acts around you, and the way he watches you,” Riley says matter-of-factly.

I raise my eyebrows at him then shake my head vigorously. “No. Colton doesn’t want me back and he’s not in love with me and he doesn’t watch me,” I insist as we come up to our chemistry class.

I find it odd to think I’ve had four classes with Riley and we just met. It’s weird how fate works. We walk into the class, his arm still on my shoulders. I look and see that Colton is already here and is sitting at his usual table. Our old table. He glances at Riley’s arm and then meets my eyes. His jaw clenches as he looks away.

“Sit with me today?” Riley asks me.

I nod and sit on the stool next to his. It’s better than sitting by myself. Riley looks down at me and studies me. His green eyes seeming to look right through me.

“What?” I ask after another minute of him doing this.

He shakes his head. “I’m just trying to understand your relationship with him. You say you were just friends but, from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t seem like you were. Or from what I noticed throughout the years. Then I find out him leaving you damaged you so bad that your mom tries to send you to therapy,” he says, his voice low. “You weren’t exaggerating when you said it was complicated.”

“Riley, my entire life is complicated. It always has been. I don’t see why you want to be a part of it,” I respond, looking down at the tabletop to avoid his knowing eyes seeing through my emotions that are trying to betray me.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re pretty great,” he answers simply.

I roll my eyes. “You barely know me and what you do know isn’t great by any standards.”

He sighs and places a hand on mine. “Natalie, all that bad stuff is what has made you who you are. And who you are, in my eyes, is an amazing and incredibly strong girl who is too blind to see it herself.”

I look into his steady gaze. It’s unnerving how sincere he looks; like he’s willing me to believe him with his eyes. I open my mouth to say something but no words come out. What can I say to that? His lips turn up into a small smile when he realizes he’s left me speechless. I narrow my eyes at him but I can’t help the smile that appears on my face. The teacher walks in just as the bell rings and starts writing today’s objectives on the board. We’re doing a lab today from the looks of it.

“I’m assuming you loved him,” I hear Riley’s voice low in my ear, making the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I look over and meet his eyes. My throat tightens so that all I can manage is a small nod. “How did you love him?” he asks, still talking into my ear.

I’m silent for a few minutes. He doesn’t say anything, patiently waiting. When I’m sure I can talk without my voice shaking, I answer him, my voice low as well.

“He was always there for me. He understood me. He knew how to make me feel better regardless of what life was throwing at me. I knew that even when no one else was, that he was there. Always. My dad left my mom and me when I was a kid. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I tried to drag him back and, when he got into his car, I chased after him until I couldn’t see him anymore.

I wouldn’t talk for the longest time to anyone. Not a word. I just shut down and went mute. When I started school, I didn’t make any friends because I wouldn’t talk. Then, one day, my mom was late picking me up. I walked over to the swings to find a boy already swinging. I was hesitant to go over there because I tried to stay away from the kids, but he looked up from the ground at me and gave me a small smile, dimples appearing on his face.

I automatically relaxed and felt myself smile back. I hadn’t smiled since my dad left. And, the next thing I knew, a boy I didn’t even know was making me do it again. Anyway, he ended up teaching me how to swing. From then on, we were inseparable and always together. He gave me my happiness back. That’s the way I loved him. I don’t know how else to explain it besides fully and unconditionally,” I say, finishing my long rant of memory lane, studying the table as if there was something interesting there to see.

Riley’s gaze is intense and unwavering. “I don’t know what to say. It sounds like you two really had something special. So, were you in love with him?”

“Why the sudden curiosity and probing questions?” I ask him, my eyebrows knitting together suspiciously.

“It’s not sudden at all. I’ve been wanting to know these things and now seems like the perfect time to start learning more.”

I sigh and look him up and down, studying him but give in. “Not in the sense that I wanted to marry him or anything. I don’t think so anyway.”

“You still love him,” he states simply.

“I don’t think that’s something I can just stop. He was my best friend. He was there for everything and helped me through everything. So yeah, I do. I always will. As I said, he gave me my happiness back, but then he also took it away. But, as you said, if you really love someone, then you never stop.”

He leans in even closer to my ear. “He keeps watching you, by the way. Or us. I’m not sure.”

I glance over to see that Riley is right. Every so often, Colton looks over at our table and at us. But once his eyes meet mine, he immediately looks away and doesn’t look back. My heart hammers in my chest and my throat feels like it’s closing up.

“Well, I’m here now,” he says, squeezing my hand that he'd still been holding on top of the table. I give him a sad smile and squeeze back.

“But for how long?” I quietly ask him.

“For as long as you’ll have me,” he answers, meeting my gaze with a sparkle in his eye and a soft smile on his face that sends warmth and comfort flowing through my entire body.

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