19 Trauma

I instinctively open my eyes only to notice that my surroundings looked suspiciously similar to my apartment. As soon as I remember what just happened a seething anger once again threatens to numb my brain but I suppress it long enough to take a look at my surroundings. To my left I see Alice, still sitting on the couch. Feeling hopeful I turn my head to my right and find Jon. I would've probably given him a hug if not for the fact that he was shaking and wearing a face full of intense fear, pain and despair. This confirmed that he was indeed the one that the lion pounced on first. The rage once again threatens to consume me.

I put my hand on his shoulder although when he goes to look at me he visibly flinches, looking even more afraid. Seeing the expression on my face probably scared him. He curled up into a ball and started shaking back and forth while bawling his eyes out. I can't blame him though. Suddenly appearing in a dimly lit cave with a huge monster and then dying, this will probably remain a trauma for the rest of his life.

[First trial evaluation: Calculating... Checking other individuals performance... Surviving 1 minute and 49 seconds, fighting back, successfully dodging three attacks - top 3 - S tier.]

[Awarded 1000 Gaia-merits]

I ignore the two messages that appeared. Alice seems to have been alerted by Jon's crying.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay." She says in a soothing voice.

"It's no use, after what he just went through I would be surprised if he could even think coherently enough to respond to you."

"What happened?"

"Can I tell you tomorrow? I need some alone time at the moment."

Thankfully I had Jon there, had the rage not been so overwhelming I would most likely be in the same state as him.

Fuck you for even being capable of thinking that.

After she left I went back to Jon and just silently sat next to him as he cried himself to sleep.

I couldn't though. Just thinking about the lion almost made me mad. In order to let off some steam I went in the other room so I could beat up the punchingbag with the baseballbat.

Bang!

I will kill you.

Bang!

I WILL KILL YOU!

Bang!

"I WILL KILL YOU!"

I threw my baseballbat to the side and started punching the bag like a wild animal.

Bang! Smash! Thud!

HOW-

Thud!

FUCKING-

Thud!

DARE-

Thud!

YOU!

Finally able to let out the emotions in my chest they pour out into my body and mind making me incapable of any emotion other than killing intent and hatred. I've already lost him once. How could I fail even in this life?!?

At some point I started letting out tears. And once the first ones came out it was like a switch had been flipped and I couldn't stop them from flowing out. It seems even I was terrified of what just transpired but more than that I felt guilt. Guilt over the fact that I was the one who made that happen to jon. I wasn't the executioner but I was certainly the guard who escorted him to the platform, even if I did it unintentionally.

After a while I finally collapsed, still trying to move my quivering arm even a few centimetres closer to the bag. I just wanted to think about anything other than how I'm the cause of Jon's suffering. That night Jon wasn't the only one who cried himself to sleep.