1 Big Ass Fucking Lightning Bolt-Kun

     There was nothing more enjoyable, for Galeron, than exploring dungeons, fighting monsters and bandits, and crafting epic gear. His favourite game franchise, The Elder Scrolls, was the one hobby that almost all of his time was sunk into. 

     Despite being an avid fan of the game since its inception, he always wished that the game mechanics would more accurately reflect the depth of detail that was presented in the lore. He also felt that the cosmetic appearance of gear should be completely separate from the material used in its making and that if the enemy can cast a certain spell then your character should be able to do the same, with the exception of Deadra and the like.

    Galeron looked on with admiration at his hot as fuck Female Altmer Necromancer. He always spent loads of time perfecting the appearance of his characters whenever he started a new game, whether Male or Female. He was currently in his Dragon Scale armor and heading towards Castle Volkihar, with Serana, so he could finally ascend into immortality as a Vampire.

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    Working on non magical universes was always more taxing than working on their magical counterparts. Moving magic through this non-magical space, without letting it escape, was quite the arduous task or at least it would be, for someone who had not ascended to True Godhood. 

     Lezar, a recently ascended True God, was attempting to weave the delicate patterns required to tame a black hole so that it would no longer threaten one of his primary life-bearing planets. This, of course, was not truly a difficult task for a True God. Any aspiring god would have to demonstrate the capacity to form these weaves in a non magical universe without sneezing, in order to reach ascension. 

     The process, of magic interacting with non-magical energies, gives off a mist of psuedo-magical energy not suitable for either magical or non-magical tasks. A god's senses are highly sensitive to such energies and can cause quite a bit of aggravation, if a tolerance is not built up.

    Lezar was not worried about any psuedo-magical interference. His tolerance was more than sufficient for breezing through his ascension ceremony. Taming the black hole was going well, until it started to unexpectedly resist his powers. Not only was it resisting his powers, it was also growing more powerful than when he began his work. 'Shit.' Lezar thought as he redoubled his efforts. 'Who the hell is screwing around with my Universe?'

    There was only one reason why any phenomenon, in a gods Universe, would resist their power and that was the interference of other gods. This wasn't the first time that another god had intervened, in his Universe, despite the act itself not being particularly common amongst the gods in general, due to the limited influence gods wielded in another's territory. 

     Lezar knew who was responsible for this meddling. A particularly obnoxious asshole, who seemed to have an unnatural fixation on Lezar for some reason, named Hershel. "The next time I see that High God of Douchey-ness, shit is gonna get real."

    Quickly putting the dastardly ways of Herschel out of his mind, he poured all his efforts into subduing the damnable black hole. The drastic increase in pseudo-magical energy began to reach the limits of Lezar's tolerance, despite him being only halfway through with his task. 'Shit, shit, shit, shit, and more shit! This isn't good!' Lezar silently cursed, while attempting to accelerate the process. 

     The psuedo-magical energy was now past Lezar's tolerance level and he could feel the irritation building up. 'Dammit Lezar, hold it together! You can do this! It's over three quarters completed don't pussy out now!' Lezar thought to himself, while attempting to resist the psuedo-magical irritation. 

     While putting the last few touches on the subjugation of this rogue black hole, Lezar was in a pitiful state. Half of his attention was on making sure there were no mistakes and the other half was attempting to resist the constantly increasing irritation.

    With the black hole finally and properly subdued, Lezar wanted nothing more than to leave that place immediately. His godly senses, however, were in no condition to do anything other than submit to the compulsion to eject the psuedo-magical energy from his body. As Lezar felt the involuntary process begin, his eyes widened and he thought, 'This isn't going to be good!'

AAAHHCHOOO!!

     The highly compressed and chaotic energy shot out of his nose and headed straight for earth.

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    "Hahaha! The mightiest Vampire Lord in all existence shall soon reign down upon all of Nirn. The blood of mortals shall be my food and the land shall be my table. A blanket of darkness shall descend upon the living and the undead shall rise under my command. Muhahahaha!" Galeron quite sillily exclaimed, as he tried out his new Vampire Powers.

FLASH! BAM! ALAKAZAM!

    'Unghh....what the...where...the shit is going on right now?!' Galeron felt extremely light. He didn't seem to have access to any of his senses and he found it difficult to think too deeply about anything for more than a few seconds. He kept coming into consciousness, wondering what the hell was happening, and then fading back out.

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    "SHIT! FUCK! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! SHIT! SHIT!  FUCK!" Lezar spewed forth countless curses, knowing that he was well and truly fucked.

    He had watched, as his psuedo-magical lighting snot bolt flew off onto a trajectory straight for the planet he was trying to protect.

    He had managed to resist the irritation, while completing his black hole subjugation. He had even managed to reduce the power of his inevitable sneeze to a pitiful amount of its original potential. All of these things would've normally been cause for him to be in awe of himself and give himself a few well deserved pats on the back. Sadly, there was no time for self-congratulation. 

     He had taken off, after the lightning snot bolt, the second it had appeared.  He couldn't make it in time to stop the resulting collision but was luckily able to pull off some godly voodoo and clean up the aftermath. 

     Every aspect of the collision's aftermath had been dealt with, except for one. The lightning snot bolt had landed directly on the house of a certain mortal. His soul was now floating aimlessly around Lezar, fading in and out of consciousness due to not having a brain to assist in critical thinking.

    'Fuck! This is bad! This is really bad! The High Gods are going to obliterate me, not to mention the Elder Gods! Those guys are hella scary! Probably not nice enough to just obliterate me and be done with it!' Lezar commiserated with himself.

    The killing of mortals with godly powers was strictly forbidden and severely punished. No matter whether it's intentional or otherwise, there are no exceptions. True Gods were granted  authority over a certain amount of extra-dimensional space, to create universes, because they were expected to be professionals to stand above all other professionals. All other godly rankings were simply a measure of raw power.

    'God Dammit! The only way to cover this up is to create an entirely new universe. Such a thing should normally happen in front of the rest of the gods but it's not necessary. Doing so will probably make some suspicious but...better to be suspected than obliterated.' 

     He contemplated his next course of action, as he knew he had to act quickly. The fluctuations caused by godly powers interacting with mortal souls would soon have him found out, unless he could cover it up quickly. Knowing that every second counted and that he needed a fully developed Universal Blueprint if he was going to pull this off, he quickly looked into the soul's memory and immediately found what he was looking for. Conjuring up all, of his power, attention, and determination, he immediately set upon his task.

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    Galeron had finally come out of his fits of unconsciousness. He was currently attempting to deduce what kind of situation he had found himself in. Unlike before, he had a vague sense of self but couldn't seem to detect any of his limbs or move them. He also had a vague sense that he was enclosed within some kind of warm wet bubble, although he had no way to confirm this.

    He was well and truly stumped as to how to proceed from here. As such, he began thinking about how it was he got into this predicament to begin with.

    'Well this is a damn fine mess! Shouldn't I be in my room playing Skyrim? What kind of wild, whacky, and incomprehensible events have occurred to land me in this debacle?'

  'Hmmmmm....concentrating on my last few seconds, before I lost consciousness, it seemed like there was some kind of really bright white light, for a fraction of second, before I blanked.' Galeron analyzed his memories further.

  'But why was there a light at all, unless there was some traumatic event that caused severe damage to me? Yes, that seems to make sense. Maybe this enclosure is some kind of recovery chamber? No, that doesn't make sense. My world's technology has not advanced to that degree. Also, if something so destructive as to instantly knock me out while I'm inside my house was to strike, wouldn't that be powerful enough to kill me? Speaking of which...doesn't that sound a lot like a lightning strike. And wait, wait, wait, back up a minute, "my world's....." Holy Snot Rockets! The more I think about this the more it seems like some kind of reincarnation scenario.' 

     Galeron lay there, in silence, attempting to eliminate all other possibilities. 'Holy Actual Fucking Snot Rockets! I think I really have been reincarnated! But where and when and as what or who are the most immediate questions?'

     There was little Galeron could do, however, since he was in whatever he was in. No matter how long he waited or how many different things he tried, he simply couldn't seem to change or discover anything about his current situation. 

     'Hmmmm…If this really is a reincarnation scenario, then there's a possibility that I've been placed inside of a fetus and I'm currently inside of a woman's womb. If that really is the case, man it's going to be really freaking boring for a long time. This is gonna suck...but wait, if I'm truly reincarnated and this happens to be a different world, this could be a spectacular opportunity. 

     'Actually, even if I'm not in a different world, having an adult's complete awareness as a fetus is still an amazing opportunity. I don't have to sit here and be bored. I can lose myself in meditation. I can completely zone out and just focus completely on emptying my mind. If it turns out that I'm in a magical world, I might be able to sense and control magic really early on. If I'm just in a non-magical world, well, the benefits of nine straight months of uninterrupted meditation with no negative side effects cannot be understated. Either way, the obvious answer here is to calm myself and just meditate continuously, until some option other than meditation becomes available.'