1 Spam made me reincarnate

Everything started thanks to something stupid, like most of my mistakes do… like that one time when I was a kid and I cracked my little neighbor head open because I was playing with a chain, like a literal metal chain, I guess I think I was playing being a helicopter? Well doesn't matter now, the point is I did something stupid…

I entered into my spam mail… basically I got tired of having more than 3 thousand mails in my cellphone notification but when I was about to delete all non-read mails. A friend of mine challenged me to his game "Spamming Shots" basically it was a stupid game were basically having a pro subscription to an antivirus you try to get your old laptop so full of virus it get a blue screen of death the longer it takes you the more shots you have to take (one shot every 10 mins) basically it was an excuse to get drunk af. But my mate was filthy rich with an old laptop he wants to get rid of and I have a bunch of spam so I said fuck it, I guess it would be fun getting drunk while laughing at ridiculous spam.

The first hours everything was normal stuff like mail chain, dick enlargement pills, porn pages. etc.. while we were getting the computer slow it was basically doing nothing, because most of the virus I clicked were almost immediately caught by the antivirus, (I guess what he actually wanted actually was checking how good this antivirus is)

Then after 3 hours we decided to down the alarm from 10 minutes to 5 we weren't really getting drunk, between hour 5 and 7 he apparently passed out because when I found a survey that actually looked interesting and turned to ask his opinion he was already sleep

So I started the survey myself, basically it was a plot for a character either for a videogame or a shitty fanfic were the author wanted to make his mc op but not so immediate op because he wouldn't be the original protagonist, so he is the kind of author that like hos protagonist to work hard and think hard for power that is earned through hard work and his golden finger would actually be techniques, no system no bullshit luck plot, no nothing the protagonist apparently at the beginning of the of the story the protagonist would meet a goddess that would give him a chance to choose the 5 techniques that allow him to do whatever he wanted, and then it gave an example "While you for example can't get the Gamer system you can totally wish for 5 techniques that combined would be pretty similar to it like 1 technique that after being trained to certain point would give you Gamer`s Body or Mind, Another technique that creates Dungeons with loot, Something so you can have Stats etc…

Then it explained that I had to fill what would be what I would choose…

Tbh I was pretty drunk but it was still something that made me think and in my drunkenness I suddenly wanted to answer it seriously so I started to research some of my favorite techniques that I liked either from canon or fanfiction

The First one was the easiest, because I recently started this fanfic so I choose this one

1 Naruto`s version of Eight Inner Gates from "A Change From Memories By: Redsnowball"

I mean it basically made Naruto the dumb kid into a mini Minato with only the First Gate opened

The second One made me Think about what other technique were cool from fanfic because They have the greatest ideas, till I remember one that was op but not in the sense of op because of power but on the sense of "Holy shit this is actually way more useful that I thought"

2 Chakra Gates from "NinjaWizard: Adventures of Harry Potter, Dimensional Traveler"

This one is basically a Senjutsu version of Avatar but even better because it actually makes you a sage, the technique not only solves all your traumas and makes you a better person but after being through it you can basically improve at everything else you focus on, because you will never have self-doubts or problems to concentrate, the only side effect is that you temporally don't have earthly attachments on the last exercise, and thus giving you a huge respect for all lives, making it harder to kill your enemies, you can still do it but you will basically have to convince yourself, that its actually better for them to be killed than alive

The other three were blanks, I have the general idea but it actually made them google them to be 100 percent sure of my choices

3 Compilation ability from "The Library of Heaven's Path"

I mean a technique that let you manually how to compare, analyze and compile like the Library from Heavens Path is op, no more points needed

4 Kryptonian Torquasm from Dc Comics

Torquasm is the Best Meditation Technique Ever, no doubts about it. If you don't believe me just search Torquasm vs Ultra Instinct

5 A Technique whose peak is similar to Ultimate Skill God of Void Azathoth from I reincarnated as a slime with all of its abilities both in the present and discarded in the past to create the skill that it is

(Basically this is a cheat to give me techniques to train both Predator and Great sage in the long term gaining Azatoth)

Then... I passed out...

I think i got kidnapped while i was drunk because next thing i know everything is blurry, i can't see shit and the only thing i hear is yells from Japanese people, some explosions and a Baby crying ...

Was i kidnapped by Yakuza? What the hell is going on? Am i going to be killed to harvest organs to sell to the black Market?

And someone for the love of GOD SHUT UP THAT DAMN CHILD!

Sudden someone put a hand in my mouth

And that stopped the crying...

'Oh' i was the crying child....

'Fuuuuuc

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After a couple of weeks, i think? of analysis done in my situation i completely can say that being a baby sucks

Sadly being an actual baby that can't control his own body, has to eat a lot, shit a lot and sleep a lot isn't as fun as it sounds

The little free time i got to plan and think we a blessing tho, because even though i did go through the 5 stages of grief (pretty fast tho, because how can you actually ve in denial when you're an actually swear to god baby)

I'll not bother you with details but I'll let you see the summary

1 "This is just a dream, I'll wake up and everything will be the same as always"

"Good prank boys now stop the prank"

2 "I'll fucking kill yoy if you don't stop drugging me so i can't move my body"

"I will find and i will kill you"

3 "Please God, let me go back, I'll be good i swear, I'll finish my degree and because the best person ypu ever saw"

"Lucifer I've come to bargain, if you let me go back you can have my soul after i die"

4 "What the hell I'm gonna do I'm a stupid baby"

"I shouldn't have been born"

5 "Well at least i can start better this time"

"I will focus on school and become a doctor or a lawyer"

Or well that was the plan till well i was able to see, when the blurred vision was gone, i realized that i was at least not in 21 century earth, because who i can guess is my mom, was carrying me while jumping from tree to tree like well... in Naruto

At first i though we were traveling or something but no apparently our house is simply surrounded by trees, in fact apparently the whole island is full of vegetation

After i realized that I'm stuck in well Naruto or at least a similar world to naruto i started to freak out, till i remembered that, well i should have 5 op techniques

And apparently thinking about them was the requirement to unlock them because suddenly he knew how to perform the techniques and all the details about them

The first one was the eight gates

The technique is actually not that complicated, i mean naruto created it, but it's powers are impressive, basically with each tenketsu unlocked you basically get rid of the limits of your body naturally, but unlike the normal eight gates that's a forced use, doesn't actually increase your chakra nor strength, it just unlocking hidden potential, and it's effects are permanent

Starting with the first gate the Gate of opening, located on thebleft side of the brain, when fully opened it swarms the brain with chakra optimizing it to have various poaitive effects on it Including but not limited to

1 Flawless memory

2 Enhanced Comprehension

3 Adaptive Learning

4 Enhanced Focus

5 Increased Endurance for the brain (basically you could pop hundreds of shadows clones and not fall in coma from the flush of information)

The Second Gate, the Gate of Healing boosts the Chakra Sensing ability of the body, giving you at least a 50 meter sensor area, this like any other muscle can be trained and can gain empathy properties with training

And also affects your stamina removing the signs of getting tired before you actually are tired, giving you the knowledge of knowing how much exactly your limits are (for training purposes)

The third gate or Gate of life increases your cordination, balance and control of your body especially your arms

The fourth gate increases the control on ypur strength and speed used by your muscles, by unlocking this gate it becomes impossible to fail to control your strength, this also give you the chance to produce and control those adrenaline strength increased moments by overworking your muscles

The fifth gate optimizes tour liver, giving you better resistance to poison and boost your pain tolerance

The sixth gate optimizes your stomach making your body better at gaining nutrition from less food, giving you a boost at recovery of Chakra, and thus gaining a minor regeneration

The seventh gate is not as impressive as the first one either bit this is the second or third best by boosting legs power and cordination, and well some boost in the sexual department that your lovers will love the best effevt this gate has is purification of the bone marrow, giving you better blood, with more oxigen boosting the amount of training your body is capable of to limit that theorically should only be possible with senjutsu, purification of the Bloodline, so increase on Bloodline talents, and unlocking hidden talents of your body

By know your probability thinking that this technique is not as good as others right?

Well by unlocking 7 of them your body is saturated with chakra that slowly but surely will be boosting your potential at everything, basically slowly you are evolving to become better than a human, most of your sense are slowly getting upgraded and basically you could go toe to toe with madara or hashirama (at their peaks) or hell some ototsukis vy training only 15-20 years

And that's without opening the most op 8 gate

The 8 gate is simply put op af

First of all forget chakra control exercises, you heart is were chakra originates, so you gain perfect Chakra Control,

Affinities? Thats a thing of the past, you gain all of them, making things like elemental kekkei genkai thinfs of the past, because you can easily recreate them yin, yang and even yin-yang affinities are unlocked for you

Then the heart upgrades also upgrades the whole body, better everything, if this an rpg imagine that suddenly all of your stats were upgraded by 10, strength, stamina, agility, dexterity, charisma, luck, intelligence and wisdom up

Your body slowly will also continues to upgrade itself passively, meaning that your training gets boosted by idk like 500% results by the same effort

The end of the technique is there but technically as long as you live you will get stronger and stronger without limit, constantly evolving, like broly or doomsday, but you are actually in control so you don't end up like them

and that was just the first technique!! I have another 4

Obviously the duration to actually open the eight gates is a long time (depending on how much chakra you have and if you are actively pushing chakra into the gates or let them passively absorb your chakra (from 5 years to 20) but i have plenty time I'm just an 3 month old baby

I have time for a lot of planning