6 Regret 5 (Final Rehearsal- Something Is Off)

Reign

We're in the middle of our dinner when Mama announces she met her friend who's a high school principal in Malolos, Bulacan's branch of St. Dominic University.

"She says she's willing to help you teach there", she continues to encourage me. "They are needing more high school teachers recently", she added.

"Unfortunately, she's assigned in Bulacan's branch, right?" I reply without looking at her.

Bulacan is just next to Quezon City where we are residing. But it is still 36 kilometers away from here. I don't want to work there.

"I know that's not the reason why you're not going to take the opportunity, Reign", she starts to get more serious.

"Ma.." I call for disapproval. I look at her with an irritated face.

They know that I'm not yet interested in teaching. I know someday that I will, but not right now. I don't want to talk about it yet.

"I'm not against you, being in the band. But I will be if that's the main reason you won't pursue teaching, Reign", she warns with a death glare.

"Okay, lets stop that topic for now", Papa intervenes.

Mama and I both sigh at the same time as Papa changes the topic.

Our rest days ended so fast that here we are now, setting up for our final rehearsal for tomorrow's Battle of the Bands in the City (BBC). Today is Saturday and we were supposed to perform in MINI Mini Bar, but we requested for a leave for yesterday, today, and tomorrow's gig there so we could focus on the competition.

Neil seems so quiet ever since we arrived here. I mean, he's naturally the quiet type, but he's much more quiet today that he can't even smile to our other members.

I think of what I had done that might have offended him again, but I can't recall one. Then, it could be.. NOT ME. I look at the other members, but I fail to recognize any awkward or uncommon expression that could give me clue on whom does Neil have problems with.

I look at Neil for a moment, and when he turns his gaze at me, I put ourselves into a more awkward situation.

"What?" he asks in an irritated tone that I'm used to hear from him.

"Sorry.. Nothing", I say and turn around so I can continue setting the microphones up.

The final rehearsal starts. We are required to sing 3 songs. We picked "Story of My Life" by One Direction, "That Should Be Me" by Justin Bieber, and lastly, "How Do We Love" that is originally sang in Tagalog by Sarah Geronimo and Piolo Pascual.

We revised the 3 songs. "Story of My Life" and "That Should Be Me" are originally in a male version, so we had a major revision, and made a cover of both male and female. Luckily, all of us have great and cooperative minds for these songs to be given creative versions.

We're now singing "Story of My Life", a song that is supposed to be given much energy, but something is really off with Neil. We've known him for his effortless expression of appropriate emotions everytime he sings, but his performance now is leaving us confused. His emotion does not match the required emotion for our entrance song. Or I shall say he's not giving any emotion.

I knew that our bandmates already noticed his mood when he started singing the first line of his part, but we let him finish all the lines in his first part.

"What's wrong, Neil?" Kyle is now walking towards Neil.

Neil is not turning around to face us. So, Kyle faces him.

"You okay?" Kyle.

Everybody's attention is on Neil. He seems wanting to say something but in the end, he chooses to keep it to himself. That's just so 'Neil'.

"Don't mind me. Promise, this is just for today", he says and reassures us with a smile so evidently forced.

But still, we all reply with a smile.

"We're gonna give our all tomorrow, right?" Kyle seems asking everybody, but we know that he just wants to remind Neil.

"Of course", Neil replies and drinks the water that I intently put beside him. Then we're back to rehearsing.

After 2 hours, we're done running all through for 2 rounds. Those rounds earlier were not our most confident rounds since something is going on with Neil. The other members are also a bit affected, even me. But I saw earlier that everybody was forcing to hide the discouragement.

We're now wrapping everything up here. Since Neil is the manager now, he's the one wrapping it.

"I know I let you down today", he shyly looks at everyone of us. "But don't worry, I'll give my all tomorrow", he adds with a convincing smile.

We all nod and smile at him. Then he follows his reminders for tomorrow. Afterwards, everything is done and we're now going home.

As usual, Kyle is supposed to send me home. But the moment I turn to follow Kyle, Neil grabs my elbow to stop me. My heart skips a beat, and automatically beats so loud and fast afterwards, especially when I hear him say, "I'll send you home."

Kyle, who's back just right in front of me, turns his head to our direction. He's shocked just as I am. But after a second, he is able to recover.

"Okay. Bye, Reign", he says with a tensed wave.

Neil is still holding my elbow though everybody is already out. I turn to him and that's when he releases his hold.

"I-is something wrong?" I stammer.

I'm still not used to being left alone with Neil, though we had a lot of times spent alone together before when I was still training him to be the band's manager. I guess this happens when you are with someone you have always liked, but not given a chance to work things out with him/her, right?

Again, he has the look that portrays he has something to say but doesn't know how to put it in words.

I wait for him to speak it out. But in the end, "Let's go", is just what he says.

The whole time we are spending inside the car, including the ride to my residence, is so awkward. Well for me, it has always been awkward having only Neil near me. But I sense he's awkward too.

We are now in front our gate. I know I should have stepped out then, but I really feel like he has something to say. And I don't know what to ask for him to open it up. We are just staying silent, both not moving. My hands are already cold due to of awkwardness and nervousness.

"Ahrm", I purposely clear my throat. The silence is keeping us in an awkward zone.

I see him turn to face me through my peripheral vision. I dare not to turn to him. I just can't after all this awkwardness between us.

"Reign.." he calls my name, and my heart is beating fast again.

Oh, how I love my name everytime he say it without irritation attached to his tone.

I stay silent, not knowing how to react or what to say. It's just so rare for him to say my name in that close to whisper manner. I am not able to move.

"Reign.." he's repeating it in a louder volume.

"Hmm?" and that's just what I have come up for a reply. I'm just looking at the also silenced road in front of me.

Time flies so fast that it's already dark now.

"It's about Leila", he says.

My heart skips its beat again. But this time, I feel its pain.

I feel so dumb. Why have I not thought that Neil's mood today might be because of Leila? What am I thinking as the reason of Neil sending me home now? Why have I not thought that he just wants to talk about Leila?

"What about Leila?" I pray to God that I am not making it sound cold.

"Have you talked about us? I mean about me and her", he continues as I keep my silence.

That's when I turn around to face him.

"What about you?" I ask cause I'm confused. I'm trying hard not to give him a pained look on my tone and face.

"Doesn't she share something with you about me and her?" he asks. I can see pain in his eyes, and I don't know how to react.

Just why? Why is he in pain?

Gradually, as I stare at his eyes marked with pain, I also feel the pain.

"We don't talk about you anymore", I unconsciously answer.

That answer adds pain in his eyes.

"After you agreed on whatever thing you have right now, she doesn't talk about you anymore", I add to clarify what I mean. But it adds more pain in him.

"Don't misunderstand it", I panic. "I mean, she's not sharing it with me anymore. I know she feels like your moments should be kept between the two of you only", I explain.

"It's not what I mean to know. But I think I got the answer already. Thank you, Reign. Have a good night", he says while shifting his position to drive again.

"Ahmm.. Sorry.." I don't know what to say. I'm still in panic. "O-okay.. Goodnight, Neil", then I step out.

Author's Note: The original version of How Do We Love is "Paano Ba Ang Magmahal". I translated the song for the book. :D