2 Regret 1 (Neil Alcantara- How We Met)
Reign
"Even if I force myself,
Loving you is wrong."
This is stupid..
Why did I choose this song for both of us to sing in the Battle of the Bands next week?
"It might be wrong
It might be wrong."
What if I'm gonna go emotional on the actual performance like how I am going emotional now? Or what if I go more?
I close my eyes as we both sing the chorus of the song,
"How do we love?
Should we always be in pain?
It's me that is always crying
I just wanna leave now."
We're both killing it.
"How do we love?
Should it be so painful?
It shouldn't be.
But I can't leave."
This is what I like so much in Neil when he is singing. He could flawlessly express the emotion of the song that it's as if he is the one who wrote it. As if he is living in the story told in the song.
"Oh when.. When is the right time?
When would we have the right time to free my heart,
to free your heart,
to free our hearts?"
But knowing Neil, he's not in pain.
"How do we love?
Should we always be in pain?
It's me that is always crying
I just wanna leave now.
How do we love?
Should it be so painful?
Everything's always impossible.
But I can't leave."
We both sang the chorus again.
And again,
"How do we love?
Should we always be in pain?
It's me that is always crying
I just wanna leave now.
How do we love?
Should it be so painful?
It shouldn't be.
But I can't leave."
This time, we have to respond to each other's line.
"It's me that is always crying", I sing my line.
"Everything's always impossible", he responds.
"It's me that is always crying", my line again.
"Everything's always impossible", his part again.
"But I can't leave", and we both sing the last line.
The song ended, but my heart keeps on pounding as how it used to be when he's near.
Neil Alcantara.. The one and only man who makes me go crazier every moment I think about him, much more when he's close to me. Sounds so cliche cause I think everybody has to experience this one. And this is happening to me for a long time now.
We're bandmates. We're both the vocalists of Democratic Band. We have a regular gig every weekend Friday, Saturday and Sunday) in a not so popular mini bar called MINI Mini Bar in our city. And now, our band is one of the contenders in the famous Battle of the Bands in the City.
All of those mean that we have to see each other almost everyday since we have to practice. Just imagine how my heart goes crazy everytime, right?
So, here we are now, taking a break from practicing. We hold our practices here in Neil's condo since this is the most convenient location we can have. It's a soundproof condo, and the biggest one among our bandmates' condos. Well, I don't have a condo cause I live with my family, and I just can't afford it.
I look at Neil as he turns his back at us to go to the kitchen.
How could a guy be this so charming? He is way too cool, physically.
So cool.. and cold.
As he comes back from the kitchen, I stand up and offer to help him carry the snacks. But as usual if he doesn't want me near him, he'd say, "I'm fine." Then, he went straight ahead to the small table near our set, leaving me behind.
Nothing has changed.
I sigh as I reminisce how I first met him.
It was the time we had to recruit more members, specifically another vocalist. I was on my third year in college then, and was becoming busier and busier in academics. So I couldn't focus handling and performing with the band then. Yes, I was the main vocalist, at the same time the manager of our band.
More thing, our drummer who was Jason was graduating then. So, we conducted an audition for more members and future manager of our band. The band conducted it every year, but I felt weird thinking I had to pass my managing responsibilities to a newbie once we find him or her. But we had to. The other members could not take the responsibilities since they also have other businesses in and outside the university. I respect that.
Another important factor why we had to conduct auditions every year was that the band was an organization under our university. Basically, once a current member graduate from the university, he/she would also graduate from the band. So, without further ado, the audition during my third year in college was conducted.
And that was when I met him.
**Flashback**
It was such a horrible day for me since I had a lot of research papers to finish. But there I was, sitting on a chair with my bandmates, a table in front of me with bunch of papers needed in judging the auditionees.
"Tell us about yourself", I commanded as the chairperson of the audition, without looking at the person in front of us. I was reading what he wrote on his background experiences in music.
"Well, I already wrote everything I feel like you had to know about me on the paper you are holding now", he shamelessly replied.
Bad *ss! That's my first impression.
I decided to stop looking at the paper, and lifted my gaze to meet his. I never knew that would be the first thing I did that I would regret as time would pass by.
Beautiful cold eyes.. Another impression.
As much as I wanted to retaliate his rudeness earlier, I instead asked,"So what are you gonna sing for us today?"
"I'll Never Love Again", he shortly replied without breaking our eye contact.
A good choice of song, I said to myself. Our band is known to perform sad songs. We awaken the pain in the listeners' hearts caused by love. So they would go wild and express their pain that has to be freed once in a while.
"Okay, start", I felt excitement as I said the go signal.
Every auditionee should sing in a capella so we could clearly hear their raw voice. And as he started, another excitement gushed forth my entire system.
"Wish I could, I could've said goodbye.."
My bandmates who were bored from the previous auditionees' performances immediately felt the excitement I felt a few moment ago just upon meeting his eyes.
"I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you", he was just standing cool there as he was singing. His eyes eventually shifted its gaze on my table.
"If I knew, it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryin' to save a part of you", he sang with untraceable emotion on his face. Instead, by listening to his voice, you can feel the emotion there.
"Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, ooh", he was hitting everybody off.
How could he write "No experience singing in front of a crowd" when he has this very soothing singing voice? I thought to myself.
He continued singing the second verse and again, the chorus with everybody mesmerized in front of him.
Until the bridge came..
"I don't wanna know this feeling
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh.."
My eyes that never broke its gaze on him blinked for the first time when his eyes met mine again.
"Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again", he gave everything he could give to sing the song meaningfully, I knew.
His face gradually revealed mixed emotions of pain, longing, and hope.
"Love again
Oh, I'll never love again
I'll never love again
I won't, I won't, I swear I can't
I wish I could but I just won't
I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh..." he ended the song with evident pain on both his voice and face that even I who never experienced pain in loving someone felt it.
From bridge to the last part of the song, we did not break our gaze at each other, except for the instances we blinked. Nobody wanted to speak first. I froze.
After a few seconds, it was me who broke the silence. I had to give my comment. And I refused to continue meeting his eyes at that moment I was speaking professionally.
**End of Flashback**
