1 Chapter 1... It still hurts

Hero Fiennes-Tiffin As Jonathan Snow.







Like I've already stated in my other book, none of the pictures in this book belongs to me. I'm only using them to portray my characters looks, also their age might be slightly different from the real ones because i want it to soothe the age of the characters in this book. 



This book is a work of fiction. My story line and characters are all based on my imagination, so if by chance you come across anything that seems familiar or sounds insulting to you don't be offended. 



P.S...I'm having so much fun working on this book. So if you're gonna be a hater and criticize everything i do, kindly take your hate and criticism somewhere it can be appreciated. 



Also if you're here because you have read my other book tilted "vows you didn't keep" thank you for your unwavering support, i really appreciate y'all. And if this is your first time reading my story also, still thank you very much for joining me on this exciting adventure and try to maybe check out my other story at your leisure time. 



Alright people!!! 

Enjoy and don't forget to vote, comment and follow. 



















Jonathan's POV



It never ceased to amaze me how deep human pretense can go, often times the most messed up victims of such acts are ourselves. For every ten people you meet, six are not what they say they are; two don't even know who they are yet and the other two dislikes the very thought of other people's happiness but always say they're happy for them. And one or two of those people will never let you know just how lonely they really are.



But since we exist in a pretentious world with words like 'fake it till you make it' or 'If you can't beat them, join them' i guess we can't really judge anyone because we're all guilty of this crime. 



I'm certainly not exempted from this crime of course...i was in that two percent. I could admit it to myself, that was the easy part. I am as lonely as a tick in a metal pan. Am i doing anything about it though? Nope! You guessed right. To the whole world, i am this strong and handsome young billionaire who has it all. 



I'm every ladies dream they say, I've got the looks and money. Some say I'm a cold hearted bastard with no regards for other people feelings, when in reality they have never spoken a word to me. Others say i sleep with different women every week because i travel a lot so i have several mistress in different cities, when in reality i haven't found anyone that appeals to me in that sense recently. I used to date this girl back in college we fooled around a couple of times but i didn't like her like that so i ended it, i am a 27 years old billionaire and i have no freaking idea of who i am yet.



The media has its opinion of who they think i am, but the truth is...they haven't got the faintest clue of who i really am, not when i don't even know who i am.



The thing is...i have a love/hate relationship with myself. My family doesn't know about it. Heck! No one knows about it but me. Many things had gone wrong in my life as a child. My mother battled with breast cancer for a couple of years after my birth. I was only three when it started, though i couldn't understand what was happening but i could see how much pain my mother was in. 



My mother was always going to the hospital because of her sickness. And when she was home, she would spend all her time playing with me. My father was a very busy business man with a lot of restaurants and hotels to manage, but would make time to be with us. He stopped traveling completely when mom got sick, so that he could care for mom. Mom would often chase him out of the house because he was always at her side, afraid that something bad would happen to her if he leaves. She used to say "God would never give his children a burden they couldn't carry" i didn't understand who God was but i still talk to him whenever i see her kneeling down to talk to him. Mom was a Christian and a strong believer you see. 



I used to close my eyes very tight every time i needed to talk to God because mom said if you really mean it and ask him with all you heart, he would without doubts do it for you. (Chuckles) How stupid i must have looked, but it didn't matter as long as my mom would be healed. 



Two years later, at the age of five i was still praying to God. The miracle we had all been waiting for finally happened, mom was cured of breast cancer and everything was gonna go back to normal and i couldn't be happier. 



I remember dancing through the house with this huge smile on my face while shouting thank you God again and again. Father had gone alone to get mom, and i was preparing mom's favorite meals with the cooks for her surprise homecoming party when the call came in. 



My parents car had been hit by a drunk driver and mom died on the spot. I begged God to bring her back to me but she never woke up. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. I didn't understand anything anymore, mom said he wouldn't give us a burden we couldn't bear. So why did he take her? Why did he heal her so he could let her die again? 



Everything in my life went downhill from there. I stopped praying to God after losing my mother when i was five and my father remarried almost immediately and he lived half of my life pretending i didn't exist. That's partially my fault i guess...I'd always been a bit reserved even before mom died and my ability to keep to myself was as good as that of my father. (chuckles) what a strange pair.



After i lost my mother, father tried talking to me, But he could never get through to me for obvious reason. He didn't do emotions, that was mom's super power. So he and i could not connect on that level; i mean how does a five years old child talk about losing a mother with a father that looked like he was losing his mind. Or tell the said father that he didn't wanna lose him too because he was always working now? Father's way of grieving could've been him working tirelessly but i didn't have any coping mechanism so i started hating everyone and everything. 



I understood that father had lost his wife, the love of his life. But i lost a mother and a best friend...I didn't know how to cope with the loss so i distanced myself from and everyone that reminded me of her including father. 



Maybe father thought he was doing the right thing when he got married after ignoring my existence for a whole year after mom's death, but i will never forget that day. Father was away for one of his long trips again, the business trips he started four months after mother's death. 



He would disappear for days at first and always come back when I'd gone to bed, then days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. That particular trip however was the longest one yet, he'd been gone for two months and one week. He said something about opening another branch of his restaurant in Korea. 



Then a few days to mother's death anniversary he came back with a wife...surprise! He'd beamed at me with that identical devilish smile that mirrors mine, that i hate so much! His new wife Jennie is a petite Korean woman in her early thirties. She had a very kind smile and a gentle motherly tone that was somewhat endearing. 



I hated him so much after that, i wanted to just disappear from this earth. 



How could he? Surprise? Was he joking? He got me a new mother after literally avoiding me for a whole year? (scoffs) My little six years old mind just couldn't comprehend what was happening, that's right! I turned six while he was away shopping for a new mother to replace the one i lost. (chuckles) As if that's how it works. 



But Jennie was a very nice woman you see. I didn't talk to her at all for weeks but she never stopped trying. I would sometimes yell at her or make a mess in my room just so she could stop trying to talk to me but she never stopped.



Eventually i started letting her do things for me, it was more like a truce really! Before you know it, i was my self again. Still an introvert but happy nonetheless. Jennie was almost like a second mother to me because I'd started calling her mama Jennie. I was happy because i could even tell my mom about Jennie every time i was talking to the stars. Yeah! Jennie said my mom had become a beautiful star and that she wasn't in pain anymore. 



I used to ask my mom to keep Jennie safe because i didn't want her to become a star very soon, i didn't wanna be alone ever again. But Jennie got sick too, she couldn't eat anything without vomiting. She became as pale as white sheet. She was always sleeping but father said not to worry because it was a good sickness. 



There's a good sickness? I was confused but Jennie's tummy started growing bigger and bigger then said she was growing my sibling. I was very excited about the news because i was getting a sibling. I used to ask my mom why i didn't have a sibling but she'd always say "children are gifts from God dear, he gives at his own time." 



I was very happy because i could talk about my own sibling in school when every other person was talking about theirs. 



Few months later and a baby girl was born but i couldn't play with her because she was born earlier than expected so she needed to be kept in the hospital for some time. Jennie was always at the hospital which meant my father too was at the hospital. 



I was left alone again, forgotten and abandoned once again by my father. When he was finally home, he would talk nonstop about little baby Emily. "Jonny you won't believe what little Emily did today! Can you believe she kept her eyes open for a whole minute? She held on to me when i touched her cheek...an you believe it?"



There was never ''how are you doing today? Have you eaten? Did you get to school or how was school today?'' No! None of that, It was always about little baby Emily. 



Even when Emily was discharged from the hospital, everyone in the house had to make adjustments so she would feel comfortable. I was asked to evacuate my room so Emily can be closer to our parents room, no one cared which room I'd picked in the mansion as my new room. Father said i was a big boy, i should decorate my room with the Nannies. 



I was furious! God had left me to suffer alone once again, but this time i wasn't gonna take it sitting down so i started my rebellion. I did everything father didn't like, including going to art school instead of business school like he said i should, so that i can one day take over the family business. 



I became distant from Jennie too, even after she gave birth to her second child. I never wanted to have anything to do with her and her family, i was fine by myself so i moved out after college. 



Emily calls me a lot to tell me about all her achievements and struggles. I know that because she leaves a lot of voicemail. But i never pick her calls, i don't know what to say to her. PJ is quite the little star himself, she tells me he's into basketball. Quite an interesting choice of sport for an eight years old. 



As for my father, let's just say we still don't see eye to eye. No matter what father's intentions were in the past cannot change the fact that, he'd left me when i needed him most. (sighs) It's always very exhausting thinking about my past. Deep in thought i didn't hear when my PA Mrs Cooper knocked until the sound of my name being called brought me out of the trance i was in. 



"Mr Snow?"



"Yes Mrs Cooper, sorry i must have spaced out, what were you saying?" I ask my personal assistant as she smiles kindly at me before saying. 



"Oh! Its no problem Mr Snow. I just wanted to let you know that I'm done for the day and i will be heading out now...if that's okay with you?" Its closing time already? Mrs Cooper or Grace as she had told me to call her many times but i still kept calling her by her last name, she is a forty four years retired college professor who now works as my personal assistant. She is the closest thing i have to family right now, unless you wanna count crazy Amirah as one. 



"Of course! Its fine; you can go home. My regards to your family." I say to her while loosing my tie. 



"Thank you very much sir! And also the sample for Snow's Winter collection came in from the design department this afternoon; I've mailed you all the details and the meeting with marketing department is 9:00am tomorrow." She says while dropping some flies on my desk. Just like I've refused to call her by her first name, she refused to address me by my first name too. 



"Alright, thank you and have a wonderful evening Mrs Cooper." She nods while adjusting her glasses with the tip of her finger before saying. 



"You have a lovely evening yourself too Mr Snow...and try not to spend the night in your office again." She says teasingly. 



Chuckling slowly i say. "Promise i won't." I slept off and spent the night in my office about this same time last year due to exhaustion from working endlessly and pulling late nights just to make sure our winter collection for her Majesty's charity ball was a success.



So now my PA will remind me every now and then that i have a house to go back to after work instead of sleeping in my office, especially now that we're preparing for another winter showcase. Poor woman! She's really the only one who can stand my moody nature. 





























Sandra Bullock as Grace Cooper.