1 Chapter 1 introductions

Her life was a mess. They say you choose your life before you're even born, when you're merely a soul choosing the life ahead of you, or at least you get to choose if the pain and trauma will happen in the beginning half of your life or the later half. If she knew what was to come, she never would have chosen life at all. Then again, who would have?

The name given to her at birth during this lifetime is Renae Elizabeth Riley. Born July seventh. Raised in what was considered a big city to the residents of the area. Her troubles started before she had the capability to remember but she knew her life would become hell, and the troubles she had would become small and petty soon after she turned seven years old. Fear of judgement forced her to recall the memory in conversation with others for several years as her father passing away, but in reality he was arrested for domestic assault against his wife.

In her fathers defense, her mother was a horrible women, Lisa was her name. She birthed three children, but with her continuous fascination and addiction with alcohol and drugs she cared for none of them. She would hide the drugs from her husband, but was not very subtle with the alcohol. It was considerably easy for her due to him working all the time at his teaching job. He would sometimes work late into the night grading papers, but the fear of returning home just to hear the baby crying and seeing his wife stumbling to the fridge to get another bottle of Jack was always in the back of his mind. As soon as the papers would run to the end, dread would fill his veins as he slowly started making his way home.

As any normal day for children, the sun beaming down just warm enough to make any normal person sleepy; Renae and her sister Kelly were playing outside. Dolls laying on the ground and laughter filled the air. The sudden shock of being chased inside by screaming and random objects being thrown from their mother's purse forced them to huddle down in their room. As Lisa entered the house behind them she began hurling more items she got her hands on, from pots, pans, plates, vases, utensils practically anything that could reach the two children, forcing them to use their mattress as protection. All because she was under the impression they had hid her alcohol from her.

After hours of torture, the warm light in the sky would be taken over by the cool stars and lack of light from a new moon when their father had finally come home. Jarrod was his name; much to his horror and regret, he was forced to tackle Lisa to the ground in an attempt to protect his daughters. The second she had the chance, she began attacking Jarrod. Hitting, biting, kicking, screaming, and everything she could think of to fight. The eldest boy, Jace, had to call the police to intervene. Jace and Kelly had no blood relation to Jarrod but cherished him as their own father. He did raise them as his own since the ages of two and one. He adopted them with the highest hopes of being a real family, all the children were heart broken as the police took him away. Before he was taken away in handcuffs, he promised to come back for them.

Six years would pass, Renae didn't recieve her annual birthday letter from him. She began to investigate only to find out the hard way that he had been released six months prior. She searched to the best of her abilities for the next four years, till she lost hope. Discouraged from losing her closest friend to suicide, she had no strength to continue finding only dead ends. Much against her will, she had not seen her father in ten years to the very day.

Her best friend at the time, was declared dead eight, soon to be nine months before this story had a chance to be told. As a pair, the two were bullied quite often. Renae always sticking up for her friend, he felt he had a right to be upset with her every now and then. The turning point for Tyler was one occasion in which Renae had punched one boy for saying "She's probably pregnant with that gay boys kid! She looks enough like a boy, he's happy with her!" In her eyes, she was defending her own name but in Tylers', it was more seen as he had no chance or even the option to defend himself.

The horrible day was burned into her memory, just as hot iron burns into the skin leaving a terrible scar. Before the incident, they had developed a routine. Renae would walk to his house and wake him up before they'd go to school. However, on this day, he wouldn't wake up after she kicked his bed. His body was barely warm. She grabbed his shoulder to shake him awake. She jumped back in fear and grabbed her chest at the inital shock, he didn't feel right. She continued to say his name, her voice sounding similar to a broken record. She knew what he had done after scanning the room seeing the empty pill bottle next to his body. She had no strength to admit he wasn't going to wake up.

Her voice would grow louder and louder with each attempt to wake him. She shook him as much and as hard as she could, her own body shaking, on the brink of collapse. In her memory, all she could remember was shaking him, standing over his bed, then falling onto the livingroom floor cradled into a ball and crying uncontrollably. To her, it wasn't real. There wasn't a chance it was real. It had to be some kind of nightmare, the kind of cruel nightmare you couldn't wake up from. Even worse then a nightmare, it was her reality.

Forced to go back to school the day after, because according to her mother, the woman who was supposed to look after her and care for her, claimed she was fine. In truth, she was breaking in ways no one could understand. Days would pass and she would stand outside his house, waiting to continue the routine but could never find the courage to go inside and see his family forever changed from who they used to be. Not seeing him in his bed too lazy to get up until the last minute. Not being able to chat with his mom as he got dressed and she'd say the normal 'You're the best alarm clock we could ever get for that boy." She would stand outside for hours thinking back at every conversation she ever had in that house. Remembering how his laugh would occasionally snort and she'd copy the sound only to make him snort even louder till they'd barely be able to breathe.

Her eyes weren't the same hazel color as they were before, promoting a brown, green, and golden color. Now her eyes held black and red, burning from staying awake all night, soaking her pillows. Especially the nights she refused to go home, she was scared of her dreams. She had nothing left inside of her to give to anyone else. As teachers, counselors, anyone who wanted to help tried to speak to her, she would only see the blank wall behind them. Not hearing anything that came out of their mouths. Being the only child left in the house with Lisa, she had no interest in rebuilding her strength. Kelly had run away with a neighbor and eloped. In Renaes' eyes, it was her only way to escape.

Jace had moved into their grandfathers, since he had a child of his own and couldn't count on Lisa for help. None of them could count on Lisa for anything except curse words flying out of her mouth every other minute.

Finally, after eight months of no progress at school, summer school included, her uncle David involved himself in her life against her wishes. At the time, she thought he was the only one who cared enough for her, her education, and future. As I tell you of this tale, David, his wife Raven, and Renae are driving to a new place to attend an academy. One in which David will be covering the costs. In a sense of guilt, Renae decided, without telling anyone, she would force herself to do well in the remaining time she had left in school.