Debut

"Hot debut! The most awaited debut of this year!! Underground monster idols "TARA" are finally set to release their first official single "Sunny side-ways" on June 20!!! Dance prodigy Rio, the master of instruments Nayan, and the charismatic leader Vega will surely steal your-"

Phul turned away from the television shop on the side of the street that was broadcasting the information of TARA's debut. She had heard enough. Was it a coincidence, or perhaps the universe was just trying to mock Phul.

A year ago, Phul herself was a part of this sparkling group 'TARA', sharing lessons, performing in an underground music-pub, having fun with Rio, Nayan and Vega themselves, dreaming about the day they'd make their debut to the mainstream music industry, as a group of 4.

Ah, look where she is now.

A pedestrian on the street, carrying eggs that were on sale, barely making ends meet, while her so-called "friends" signed to a major company and are 1 month away from their dream, the dream Phul shared with them.

A bitter feeling engulfed Phul. She felt betrayed and casted aside. Why didn't she get to debut with them? Why was she removed from the group? Didn't they all make a promise to be together forever? If it was the decision of the managment, why didn't they say anything against it? It was not fair.

Yes, it wasn't fair at all. After all, it was Phul who introduced Vega, the group's leader to music. If it hadn't been for Phul, Vega would have never chose music as her career, then how could she so easily leave Phul behind?

It was the second year of middle school. Phul always liked singing and writing songs. So she pressured Vega, her best friend, who could play the guitar, to accompany her to an impromptu busking near her school. It was then Vega felt a feeling she never felt before, the adrenaline running through her veins as she stood in front of people, the weight lifting off her chest as she started singing, the cheers and smiles of the audience.

Ah, what a feeling!

Vega cried, cried a lot, in Phul's arms, and she decided then and there, she would be a singer too. Vega and Phul would be together, and sing their hearts out for as long as they could. So they formed a band, with Nayan and Rio joining later.

They got a regular gig at an underground music pub. Every saturday, they would perform on that stage, before or after other artists, and they slowly started getting attention. TARA was the most popular act at the pub.

Then one saturday, a scout from a big company, "Golden Meteor Entertainment" gave TARA an offer. TARA could debut under their company, on one condition, they'd have to transition from being a band to an idol group. TARA's manager and the girls agreed, as it could be the breakthrough they all wished for. So they started to train, endless vocal and dance lessons, on top of their saturday perfomances at the pub, which now featured them as idols.

There was only one problem though, Phul couldn't dance well. She tried very hard, staying behind for extra lessons, had many sleepless nights, to no effect. And although Phul had amazing singing and composing skills, she kept falling behind in the performances.

She stuck out like a sore thumb in the group, and soon the people who came to see TARA at the pub started to hate her. She'd have no people who'd greet her at artist's meet and greet, she'd get no cheers when she introduced herself, still she tried her best. If she couldn't dance, she just needed to practice harder, right?

Wrong.

No matter what she did, no matter how long she stayed up practicing, nothing worked. At this point, the staff at the new company treated her coldly, and her 'fans' at the pub did everything they could to make her feel bad. Every time she stood on stage, she'd be met with boos and trash thrown at her, with hate comments at their social media, and it escalated so much, that she started getting death threats.

Phul was just a little girl, 17 years old at that time. It was too much for her. No matter what she did, she just kept falling behind in TARA, and the rest of TARA didn't slow down either. She was scared. Then one day when she stood on stage, she just froze up.

Her knees trembled, her chest tightened as if it was going to burst, the gazes of people seemed to pierce her very soul, she couldn't sing at all, involuntary tears ran through her cheeks, she ran away from the stage, to the bathroom, still trembling and she threw up.

Phul couldn't calm herself down. She knew what those symptoms meant, and it was her worst nightmare. Phul, a singer, had developed stage fright. It was over.

But it got worse. When she was seeking comfort from her friends, she was given a harsh information that made her world come crashing down. The management was removing her from TARA. TARA would be continuing it's activities as a three member group, without Phul. She looked at Nayan, Rio, more importantly, her best friend Vega. They looked away. It was really over.

What else could she do, except pack her bags and leave? But wait, maybe it wasn't really over. She could sing alone, like she did before Vega joined her. Maybe the stage fright was a one time thing. Oh how she wished it was. So she tried busking again.

She could sing fine when she was in her room alone. As soon as she saw a person, she felt the same awful feeling, the trembling, the throwing up returned. She would never be able to sing again. It really really was over.

Phul didn't have anything other than music. Ever since she was young, her focus was towards music: singing, playing instruments, writing lyrics, composing songs, she didn't have anything other that music, but now she couldn't perform music anymore.

What was she, if she wasn't a singer? Nothing at all. The first few months after she was removed from the group, she couldn't even process what was happening. But eventually, she landed a job as a songwriter for an emerging music company.

She hated being up on stage now, but she still loved music. The company she joined was fairly new, and so they didn't have much finance, but for Phul, it was better than nothing.

Which brings us back to the pedestrian Phul in the street. She was getting groceries for today. She was about to make a nice warm egg-fried rice, and work on the next song's lyrics. But now that she saw her past group, her past friends, her trauma all came rushing back in, she felt very bad, she could feel tears bulding up, but she tried her best to hold them back.

With a heavy heart, she rushed back home. Well, what home? It was a cold and empty apartment, she had left her family for her dream, a dream she no longer had anything left of. She felt alone, as if the whole world hated her, as if she had no one to lean on this entire world. But as she turned from her stairs to her door, she knew it was not true, because there stood Zax, her best friend.

Zax was the only one who had been there since her slump, and he's the only person Phul contacted and trusted to share her thoughts with. Zax was a photography major at university and had known Phul since her days as TARAs band in the underground pub. When he heard Phul was removed from her group, he came to comfort her, and they've been friends ever since.

He has always been kind and patient and gentle with Phul, it's so obvious he likes her. But he hasn't told her that, perhaps he's afraid. But there he was, at her door, at just the right time when she was about to break into tears. Phul saw him, and at that moment she couldn't hold back anymore.

She flung into his arms and cried, cried her heart out. She cried and whined and cursed at TARA, at Golden Meteor Entertainment, at Vega, at those bullies who said horrible things to her, at her misfortune, at herself.

All this while, Zax just held her and listened, gently brushing her hair. What else could he do? He just held her and listened, gently brushing her hair. After she had calmed down, Zax made her egg fried rice, and they ate together. Then he left.

He had come to tell her something, but after seeing how miserable she felt that day, he didn't have the courage to.

While driving back home, he heard the same informercial about TARA's debut on his radio. When he reached his apartment, he sighed. He reached for his phone, and there was a number he saved. It said 'Vega'.

Triing triing.

"Hello."

"Hey Vega, it's me."

"I know who you are Zax."

"It all feels so real, you and TARA were the talk of the town. The debut will surely be successful. Congratulations again."

"Thank you, we're working really hard. So why did you call me, we 'll meet tomorrow anyway."

Zax hesitated to tell her, "...."

"I met Phul today."

"....." Vega was silent. Then she sighed. "I need to go, I have a schedule. Let's talk tomorrow alright?"

"Alright, see you."